Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sometimes you have....

a shit day and the only thing that's going to make it better is a baby that looks just like John Legend

and a video of a llama prancing to DMX

Monday, April 21, 2014

Scandal Recap

In my life I have learned a lot of things.
One of those things is to never trust Shonda Rhimes.
I watch every episode of every show she writes knowing that she will kill anyone and everyone that I love.
Remember Denny from "Greys?"
I do.
I think about him more than is probably healthy.
Never forget.
The stress of "Grey's Anatomy" got to be too much and I stopped watching and vowed to never let Shonda back into my life.

Then everyone started talking about "Scandal" and was immediately sucked back in.

At first I had to come to grips with the fact that the President was Carl, the man who killed Patrick Swayze in "Ghost," but also had to prepare myself yet again.
No one was safe.
Not with Shonda around.

In general I love the show.
However, the season finale didn't really do much for me.

Here's what I liked:
- Andrew is still alive.
He's a muffin and Mellie needs a good dude who loves her.

- Papa Pope is still kickin'.
He's a villian but he's a good one and I like having him around.

-Huck and Quinn are over.
They were a little too icky for me.
I wanted them to be together last season but then the face licking happened...and the teeth pulling.
Not meant to be.
They'd be like a 4% match on OkCupid.

-Mellie killed it.
She has been AMAZING all season.
She should win ALL THE AWARDS.
All of them. 
End of list.

Things I could have done without:

-All the jam talk.
When has Olivia ever expressed the urge to make her own jam?
I know that is what they want to do in Vermont, but why?
She is literally fueled by wine, popcorn kernels, and fear.

-Olivia Pope always wearing white and never having ONE STAIN on her clothes.
That's not a season finale exclusive...more so a general frustration.

-Little Jerry dying.
Why?
I get that Fitz took Papa Pope's daughter so he took Fitz's son, however...
rude.
So rude.

-Olivia's mom being in a steam grate underground instead of dead?
We know she's a monster.
She will get out.

- Jake always begging Olivia.
He's so greatttttt and all she wants to do is make jam in Vermont (allegedly.)
She hacked his phone and put everyone in danger.
Yet:
She's the scandal!!!!
She needs to earn his trust!
Also:
You can walk in the sun by yourself Jake.
WALK OUTSIDE.
(I know, I know...it's a "metaphor...but I do.not.care.)

I may or may not want to marry Jake.
I'm also a little jealous that I have never seen someone like him standing their waiting for me outside an airplane:

I also recognize he's not real.
And that my dad doesn't have a private jet for me to take.
And that I'm not the President's girlfriend.
But I'm coping with it.

I don't know about you but I'm wondering how they're going to spice up everything next season.
Fitz is the President again.
Huck found his family.
Olivia and Jake are up in the air (figuratively & literally).
Harrison may die?
Quinn goes to dentistry school?

Maybe we just follow Olivia and Jake in their new home of CANCUNNNNN!
And they solve Spring Breakers problems.

I smell a spinoff. 

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Bravo! I've missed you so...


100 days of blogging is going to have a few gaps obviously because well it's me and I'm flighty.
Last night I was thinking about things to write about, because I really want to blog as much as possible. 
But again...the flighty thing. 
Here's what happened last night. 

Let me start from the beginning. 
My name is Ashley and I love TV...like a lot. 
When I moved to Filet the cable we got was....less than stellar. 
Like we only got Bravo after 8pm, otherwise is was CSPAN-2 from midnight to 8pm the next day. 
The struggle was real y'all. 
To be clear, we also have CSPAN 1 - 8 as well. 
Why Bravo couldn't be 24/7 is beyond me. 

The fuzzy signal was a whole other can of worms that I can't even begin to talk about. 
Let's just say that ABC came in real fuzzy and I had stand with the cable cord over my head sometimes in an effort to be able to watch the "Bachelor." 
I have been living on the Oregon trail of television and it has been awful. 

I have random people's log in for HBO and Xfinity. 

Recently we got a cable hook up where I can watch real time TV with PERFECT signal on my iPad. 
The best part? 
WE GET BRAVO ALL DAY. 

So last night I got sucked into a "Flipping Out," "Million Dollar Listing," and Real Housewives trifecta that I couldn't turn away from. ! 

I'd talk more about the glory of the episodes, but "Scandal" is on so I gotta beat cheeks outta here and see what Olivia is up to. 
Imma recap the crap out of that finale. 


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Hyperbole & a Half



My favorite blog of all time is "Hyperbole & a Half."
Allie Brosh is the genius behind it and is essentially the light of my life. 
I spent Sunday morning reading her book outside of Starbucks and probably looked like a crayzeee person from giggling so hard.
She writes about everything but her humor and storytelling are truly top notch.
She wrote a post about why she was never going to be an adult a couple of years ago and it was like she was in my brain. 

Generally I feel like an adult 4% of the time.
I mean sure I pay my bills and I shower but for the most part I am nothing like the adults I consider...adults.
(This post will clearly get me the Pulitzer Prize.)
Reasons why I'm not adult like:
-I live in a residence hall
- I pick things up with my feet so I don't have to bend down
- I do not know how/what a retirement fund is
- I eat chips in my bed
- I play a stressful game of garbage Jenga until it is absolutely necessary to take out the trash.
- I wait until the end of the week to bring my coffee cups home from my office.
To be clear my office is down the hall from my apartment
- I own one stock...Krispy Kreme Donuts
That is not a lie.
In fact both Barb Jones and I both own stock in Krispy Kreme.
- I am not a morning person.
- I do not eat breakfast at a table every morning...more like on the go.
- I turn the lights off to go to bed at 11:30 and end up looking a Groupon, Living Social, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, email, repeat until 1am.

But today was one of the days where I was determined to be the best adult I could be.

I walked Doug earlier than usual.
Sent out a ton of productive emails.
Took out my garbage.
Unloaded the dishwasher
Loaded the dishwasher back up.
Used my overly ripe bananas to make banana bread instead of throwing them away (I mean c'mon I'm essentially Martha Stewart).
Made guacamole from scratch:
Along with some homemade salsa.
Didn't let the banana bread burn. 
Folded and put away my laundry from last week.
Watched one second of the real people news as opposed to the all celebrity all the time news I frequent.
Googled "where are they now?" for the cast of "Heavyweights."
(Fun fact: Gerry from the movie now looks like Lars. My mind was blown.)
Turned off my TV at a reasonable hour, and will only indulge in checking Instagram and Facebook before bed. 

Much like Allie says in her blog, this will not last long.
Tomorrow I will return to my old ways of picking things up with m'toes 
and continuing to make a list of "Things to ask Barb Jones When She Visits."
Top of the list:
- How do I get a retirement?
That's how you ask for it right?

Monday, April 14, 2014

Doug...the best in the world

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before but....I have a dog...named Doug.
He's essentially the light of my life. 
Sure he eats all of my chapstick
Ate one of my DVDs
Ate a pair of my favorite shoes
Pees when he's excited
Pees when he's not excited

Pulls all of the cushions off the couch to make a personal dog bed
Yanks my arm off to chase what he thinks is a squirrel but is really just a plastic bag
Seeks out clean laundry to sleep on
Ate a fortune cookie but mysteriously left the fortune.
His lucky numbers were: 47 36 21 14 5 in case you wanna play those bad boys.
Ate a pretzel out of my hand earlier today...

He's the best little dude ever.
He's always super pumped to see me 
Would be happy if I didn't go to work all day and instead rubbed his belly for 8 hours
Is friendly to just about everyone he meets...
excepts the squirrels...and birds...and some dogs but mostly everyone.
And he does this:


Why am I writing about him?
Because at the end of a semi-crummy day I'm glad that I come home to his big dumb face.

Plus who doesn't love a post about a cute dog?

Friday, April 11, 2014

Just in case you're wondering...

In case you were wondering what a hot single lady like myself does on a Friday night here's a glimpse into a conversation with my best friend: 
I'll report back and let you know how that one burpee goes. 



Thursday, April 10, 2014

National Siblings Day

Today is National Siblings Day.
My timeline has been full of pictures of people with their adorable siblings. 
I'm an only child so I didn't want to miss out on the fun. 
So while sitting in my office,
 I attempted to take a picture of my arm around an imaginary person just to feel included in the sibling fun. 
Right about that time a student walked by the big window in my office and saw me take said weirdo picture. 
So, clearly he will not be coming to me anytime soon for a roommate situation...or ever. 

I confessed this on facebook and my biff Sara said:

So I did that too:

Thanks for always being there for me Whiskers and Tabby. 
You're the best!