Jun 9, 2017

I Did Not Keep It Real...

Remember the old days when we were guaranteed a full Rose Ceremony every episode? 
Those were good times.

Now we are foreverrrrr being left with To Be Continued...
So all week I was a wreck about DeMario coming back. 
I couldn't eat, or sleep. 
I can always eat and sleep. 

We left DeMario at the gate, and that's where it was picked up. 
Rachel met him there and let him say his peace. 
He said, 
"You said I needed to keep it real. 
I did not keep it real." 

I don't know if there are any "Hot Rod" fans besides me and my two friends Sara & Dan but how he was talking kind of reminded me of this: 

He had the worst dry mouth, and started using his favorite quotes. 
I'm pretty sure he looked up "get her back" images on Pinterest in his car ride over. 
He said that, "In order to experience joy, you have to experience pain."
Rachel told him she understood that he wanted to move forward, but that it wasn't going to be forward in the mansion. 
Instead it was going to be the other way, because she was looking for a man not a boy. 

Once the guys were put their torches down, it was back to the house for antics and the rose ceremony. 
Tickle Monster had giant cartoon hands. 

Why did the producers find them? 
Why are they available? 
Why did Rachel pretend she liked them? 
We'll never know. 

Kenny let her know he was a dad. 
Just in case she forgot. 
I think he just keeps referring to himself as "Daddy"on purpose. 
I don't care for it. 

Another stand out during the rose ceremony, and really any interaction in the mansion, is that green velvet couch. 
I want to nap on it. 
I want people to come by and look at it. 
I basically want to get that couch and have a "Sip and See," for it. 

With all the DeMario drama I almost forgot that Whaboom and Blake were fighting. 
So when Whaboom told Rachel, that Blake had a crush on him I was immediately invested. 
According to Lucas (Whaboom), he woke up to Blake standing over him seductively eating a banana. 

Blake, however, said that couldn't be true because he doesn't eat carbs because he was on the keto diet. 
Well Chutney told Elle Woods that she was in the shower even after she got a perm, and we all know how that turned out, don't we. 

Blake and Lucas both thought they had saved themselves, when in fact, they both got sent home. 
Lucas was sad, but Blake was angry. 
There's a solid chance he's on a steroid diet, because Blake's response was,
"I'm going home with the clown?! Time to kill this guy!" 

They proceeded to yell at each other in the driveway. Blake said that Lucas was a clown, and said words I'll never unhear: 
 Whacka whacka, boop boop, fart joke. 
 While the start of a beautiful haiku, it didn't rile Lucas up enough to throw some fists. 
They DO live in the same town so I'm sure they'll be a stand off at high noon outside the local Ross. 

The first group date had essentially all of my favs on it, and they were going to see one of America's favorite people: Ellen! 
Ellen said that she tells herself every season she's not going to watch and then she gets sucked in. 
Don't we all Ellen...don't we all. 

 As they walked in Rachel gave Ellen the run down. 
Ellen wasn't too impressed by Tickle Guy....at all. 

Naturally she made all the men dance without their shirts on.
Praise you, Ellen. 

Alex truly got down to business and told us about his business when he confessed that he peed in the pool. 

It was also revealed that some of the guys had kissed Rachel before. 
Bryan and Will got into I kissed her/I kissed her better competition, and in a shocking move Bryan reached for Ellen's microphone. 
Bryan, sweetie, don't touch Ellen. 
She's a national treasure. 

Tickle Monster said didn't think any of the guys had kissed Rachel yet, and maybe it was just on the cheek. 
Precious angel,
That is not the case. 

Fred thought the date was an opportunity to show Rachel that he was a man and not the little boy that she kept talking about. 
Except then he asked to kiss her, and it wasn't that great, and she sent him home.  

Alex continued to impress during the cocktail party. 
He made a comment that Rachel was looking at his left eye when she talked to him, which meant she was focused on relationships. 

All damn week, I've been noticing I look at the left eye too. 
Just call me Ashley "Left Eye" Jonez. 

He ended up getting the group date rose. 
Even though, I would give a rose to Peter literally every day of the week. 

There was no date card for the 1:1 date card, but there was a 1:1 DATE with Anthony. 

Who I had never seen before until that moment.

They rode horses, on Rodeo Drive into all the stores.
They bought boots. 
They danced. 
It was....uneventful. 
He got the rose and made his way back to the house.  

In the mansion, Eric was freaking out because he didn't know if Rachel was genuine enough. 
He was pissed because he'd never been so into just one girl before and that she wasn't giving him anything. 

It was a little weird. 
He said he was going to set the record straight with her at the group date. 
Sounded promising.

Rachel showed up for the group date with her crew (again). 
They were probably still in the area because their planes didn't leave for paradise until the next day. 

They all got on a party bus and hit the road. 
Raven asked Lee and one of the other chiseled jaw lines who couldn't be trusted. 
They both said Eric. 
Raven said it was a red flag. 

They arrived at a Coyote Ugly style bar, but for women. 
The guys took their shirts off, and were told they were going to mud wrestle.

There was some pretty uninspired cat calling from the women to the shirtless men, like, 
"Show us your junk," and "Let me see that butt." 

At least make it creative ladies: 


How much do you think those women were paid? 
Like they probably have respectable full time jobs and now they're going to be gifs. 
Actually...maybe that's not so bad. 

Everyone thought Kenny was going to win mud wrestling because of his professional wrestling background. 
But he didn't, the other guy did. 

I could not tell you his name for one million dollars. 

Later in the evening, Kenny, not to be out done let us know that he used to be a dancer in Vegas. 
And showed her. 
I know I talk about how much I hate when people sing at someone... 

Add lap dancing as a tight, TIGHT, second on the:
Things that Ashley Hates List. 

Eric finally got to talk to Rachel, and she brought up her friends' concerns. 
They had a weird conversation but determined that everything was cool, and they were going to move forward. 
I think. 
It was a hard conversation to follow. 
During the conversation Rachel told him that Lee was the one who said something to her, so after he got off the couch he went to confront him. 
Lee said that he was suspicious of Eric because he'd never been in love before, and that he wanted to help him. 
Like a love coach. 
A little love coach, that has real controversy surrounding him this week...
Somehow, that conversation was also confusing to follow, but Eric summed it up best by saying that Lee had a lot of snake in his DNA. 

At the rose ceremony, Iggy went to Rachel to talk about Eric's opportunities for growth. 
Because he's Eric's fourth grade teacher at his parent/teacher conference. 

Rachel confronted Eric about Iggy's comments.
Eric and her had yet another non-descriptive conversation where he ended up keeping his rose. 

Iggy then went to tell Eric he spoke about him and Eric started yelling about his name being in everyone's mouth. 
We were then hit with another To Be Continued.... 


Lee seems to be prettttty icky moving forward.
I'm interested to see how next week plays out. 
I'm also interested to see Eric when he's not melting down. 
And if Iggy gives everyone good grades on their report card. 

What were your thoughts this week!? 

Let me know in the comments! 

Jun 1, 2017

Oh Who's This?

I don't know about you fine folks but I would have been fine if Rachel ended this season after her first 1:1 date.

But instead we had 3 dates and lots of drama. 

Chris Harrison showed up to talk to the men about their first impressions of Rachel. 
"I just woke up."
via abc
He told them that he wanted to make sure they were all there for the right reasons, and weren't going to waste Rachel's time. If you're a regular Bachelorette detective like me, you know that's what like to call foreshadowing...and that someone is in fact NOT there for the right reasons. 

The guys talked about how wonderful she was and DeMario talked about how great she smelled. 
Trying to throw us of YOUR scent aren't ya DeMario. 

Chris told them they there was going to be a group date, and approximately 100 names were on the date card. 
Rachel's note said she was looking for "Husband Material." 

The guys rolled up for some football and food,
 and then met up with... 

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. 

You read that right. 
Real A List movie stars, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, were there to help Rachel find love. 

The Bachelor Franchise is their guilty pleasure and they loved Rachel so much that they got a babysitter and made it happen. 

They weren't just trying to find a good husband for Rachel, they were trying to find a suitable man who could contribute equally to their relationship. 
They said they needed to make sure that her future husband was a guy who had a job AND health insurance. 
They asked who had both of those things and all the guys raised their hands. 
I noticed the, "tickle monster" self identified as employed with insurance, and I'm skeptical. 
I need to see his W2s. 
I mean sure there's probably a tickle monster union, but I need to be sure before he goes and tries to have a sustainable relationship with our girl. 

Ashton wasn't too impressed with the guys, in fact, he didn't think any of them were THE one. 
Mila on the other hand told him to calm down, and that it was only week two. 
Ashton said he knew day one, that she was the one for him. 
Which is adorable. 
But false. 

Because Demi Moore. 

The guys were tasked with a husband/father obstacle course. 
The winner would get extra time alone with Rachel . 
Whaboom ended up winning, 

spiking his baby, 
and underwhelming Ashton with what Mila called his "whazoozoo" 

As everyone picked their jaws off the ground, still reeling from Whaboom's win, the "aspiring drummer" Blake, said he knew just how to take him down. 

Here's the rundown: 
Blake, knows Whaboom, from outside of the show. 
In fact, Blake LIVES with Whaboom's ex-girlfriend.
Whaboom also brought department store make up to make sure he looked great on camera.

Lucas on the other hand, was nice enough, and showed that he wasn't a cartoon character come to life, ALL of the time.
And when confronted about his ex, he stated, that his ex actually thought BLAKE was the insane one.
Blake then said that's why she was getting evicted.
So overall, he seems like a great landlord, and Lucas knows how to contour.

Through all of the non-drama drama, Dean, who looks like " the cute one" in a boy band swooped in...

 and impressed Rachel enough to get the rose.
nailed it
Kinda seems like Ashton was right. 
I can't be sure if the ONE was in that group date. 

Meanwhile back at the house DeMario and Josiah were talking about who was going to marry Rachel. 
DeMario told Josiah that he would let him be the best man, because there was no way he wasn't going to win. 
He was there for Rachel Lindsay. Period. 
*cough cough* there's a clue *cough cough* 

The 1:1 date went to Peter.
The silver fox, from Wisconsin.
But not just with Peter...but with
 Rachel wanted to make sure that Peter was Copper approved.
"Firm handshake. Don't break eye contact."
They hopped (literally in Copper's case) on to the private plane and headed out. 
Copper had a very thoughtful outlook on the whole process. 
He quoted Maya Angelou....
Really wise dog. 
Really wants the best for Rachel. 

Peter said that he and Copper also had a connection, and felt like he could be a good dog dad. 
It was faint, but I'm pretty sure I heard Copper say, "I'll never call you dad!" but it wasn't really addressed. 
To be VERY honest, I would gladly start a dog family with Peter. 

They spent the day at Barkfest, which is probably the most magical date anyone could ever be on. 
They seemed to be vibin' pretty well.
That's what people say right?

At dinner they talked about their gap teeth, and how it added character.
Peter mentioned his last relationship left him in a weird place, and decided to go to therapy. Rachel mentioned that she had done something very similar and it became very clear that the show should end at episode 2 because they're meant for each other.

Rachel gave him the rose, and they headed outside with Copper for one more surprise.

I'm not going to lie, I was very concerned about a dog being at a fireworks date, but they gave him little ear muffs and I watched the rest of the episode through my tears because it was the cutest thing I've ever seen.

I may cry just looking at that picture. 

The final group date was a doozy.

The remaining dudes, minus my #1 love Bryan, met up with Rachel to play a little basketball.
Not just with each other, but with Kareem Abdub Jabar.

After running drills with Kareem, they found out they would be playing against each other, in front of a packed high school gym.
After they suited up, and took the court it was very apparent that they were all terrible at basketball.
Like the Looney Tunes, before Michael Jordan helped them in "Space Jam" were better.

DeMario was the only good player, and really caught Rachel's eye.
So imagine our surprise when a woman wearing a scrunchie on her wrist told Rachel,

that DeMario was her boyfriend.
Apparently they had been dating for six months, and then one day she just stopped hearing from him, and then suddenly saw him telling Rachel he wanted to wife her.
She also said that he still had keys to her apartment.

Rachel thought the best way to get to the bottom of everything was to bring DeMario out.
When she went back to the locker room to get him, the guys, and probably DeMario thought that he was getting the rose.
However he was greeted by....

He did his best y'all.
He did.
He tried so very hard to act like he was surprised, but an actor he is not.

Quickly he realized that he couldn't pretend and just went for the ole, "She's psycho" defense.
He asked if he could pull Rachel away and talk privately, because this was "real life stuff."
Rachel said, no because all of this was real life stuff to her and they were going to talk with her there.
He said that they weren't dating anymore, and that she was too crazy.
She swore on her father's graves, and two kittens sleeping her apartment, that he was still sleeping with her before he left for the show.

I don't know about you, but I'm gonna trust the girl with the scrunch swearing on her father's grave, that she's telling the truth.
She also swore on BOTH kittens.
It's real.

He continued to deny, but...whew.
She brought texts.
And we were all...

DeMario said that no matter what, he wanted to be there.
Rachel said she believed him, but he didn't want to be there for her.
Then she told him to get the f-ck out.
She stormed off, and it seemed like she didn't want to talk to anyone.
Not even Chris Harrison.
Who seemed a little guilty.

We know you knew Chris.
We aren't pleased.

Rachel went into the locker room and told the remaining guys, that they needed to leave if they weren't there for the right reasons, and everyone was shook.
They thought he was getting extra time with her, not sent home!

They stepped up their games though during the cocktail party.
I mean it got deep.
Talking about love languages and stuff.
Josiah ended up getting the group date rose, and reminded himself to text DeMario when he got his phone back, to tell him he could be HIS best man.

During the cocktail party, Rachel met with the guys.
Bryan cracked her back.

Some did magic tricks.
It seemed like it was business as usual.
Then security got a call there was someone at the gate.
It was DeMario.

He was back to explain himself.
As Rachel, went to go to talk to him...

the guys heard that he was there
and decided to storm the driveway and tell him to beat it.
All we were left with was a
To be continued...

What did y'all think?
Are you team, end the season and marry Peter?
Or are you, #copperforbachelor? 

Let me know in the comments! 

images from abc.com

May 25, 2017

Pawse and Smell the Roses...


Our lives our complete again! 
The Bachelorette is back and it's with Rachel!!!!!
Actual footage of me below:

Last season I had to step away from the last few episodes of Nick's season. 
I had hit my thresh hold, of Ole' Marble Mouth, and did what I almost never do, read the writing on the wall...of Reality Steve. 

I'm not proud of my actions, but I couldn't take Vanessa crying and Nick giving his best "Blue Steel" any longer. 

Plus I had to start stretching and preparing my heart for Rachel's season. 
And arrange everyone's flights for "Bachelor in Paradise." 

But here we are! 
We're with the most lovable Bachelorette, probably ever. 
And while she is the People's Champ, she wasn't too good for a cheesy lawyer montage. 

But after her lawyer pose, and nod to the fake defendant she was off to her new home with her pup! 

I was immediately concerned for Copper.
Hopefully he's ok. 
Rachel, if you need me to dog sit, or like....sign his cast, I will. 
I would sign it "Paws and smell the roses." 
We'd laugh about the pun. 
Me and Copper. 
Not me and Rachel. 

Naturally she had to have a chit chat with her friends and get the best advice. 
Corrine, Raven, AstridWhitney (I put their names together because honestly I have no idea which one is which), Kristina, and the resident love doctor, Jasmine. 
You know the one who recommended a "chokey" to Nick. 
She obviously has a tight grip on what true love is. 

I don't know if these puns are going to stop, y'all so I apologize here and now. 
Raven told her that she was so good at seeing the good in other people and making connections. 
Then everyone started crying. 
It was like in the Babysitter's Club movie when everyone huddled around Kristy and her melted ice cream cake after her dad abandoned her at the fair. 
From looking at this picture, you now have, "the brain, the brain, the center of the chain," stuck in your head.

As always, I never really remember the guys names until later but I do have to say I was a little more suspicious and critical of these dudes. 
Rachel is an American treasure. 

She deserves only the best, so whenever a new guy got out of the limo, I was all...

The first guy we met looked like a murderer. 
We find out that he's an only child who lost his mom in high school. 
It's either true or he's luring us in. 
I watch "Catfish" and Lifetime so everyone's a suspect. 
But then he showed his dog, and I thought, 
"I'd risk being murdered to pet that dog." 
Rubic's Cube guy from Detroit, was not only a gym rat but a good old fashion mama's boy who was as smart as he is strong. 

The kebabs he made with his mom looked very delicious, and while I don't do well in cold winter's, I'd consider Michigan, from those Tim Allen narrated commercials I keep seeing about that great state. 
I hope he STICKS around. 
Get it...because of the kebabs. 

I'm a straight up monster and I don't care who knows it. 

There's the aspiring drummer, who claims that he's super good at sex, and has a lot of testosterone. 
He also seemed to really enjoy harassing a woman while she worked out. 
I have a hard time believing that girls are throwing themselves over a dude with such a severe middle part. 

Diggy, I remember well because he is v attractive. 

There was a lawyer named Josiah, who was very confident that he could not only get a conviction but win Rachel's heart .
His story took a turn quickly, when he talked about finding his dead brother in their back yard, and how it lead him to make poor choices. Later on in life, he was given a second chance and made something of himself. 
It was a touching story but real deep for this show. 
When he introduced himself to Rachel, he said there was "no reasonable doubt" they wouldn't be a good match followed by, "see you later litigator." 

Especially when you have a dude who's catch phrase is "Whaboom." 
Let's just get that whackadoo out of the way now. 

His name is Lucas, and he's essentially the offspring of Uncle Joey and a magician's assistant. 
He has a catch phrase. 
It is "whaboom." 
He shakes his head around a lot. 
It's obnoxious. 
He's terrible. 
There's a solid chance he sent in an application to "America's Got Talent" and accidentally sent it to ABC instead of NBC. 
His brain is shaken quite a bit. 
Just like I hated Lucas on One Tree Hill, I hate Lucas on the Bachelorette. 

My stand out was Bryan. 
When he started talking to her in Spanish: 

I do not speak Spanish, much to the chagrin of most of my high school teachers and college professors, but I do know if he spoke to me like he spoke to her, I would most certainly give him my social security number. 

There was an Urkel/Stefon Urquell reference. 
I predict they will marry each other. 

I always forget that guys always reference how they are going to "win" the season. 
I was quickly reminded by DeMario who frequently said he was the #1 seed and was going to win, and how they were all invited to her wedding. 

A man who's profession was "Tickle Monster."

If there was a first bad impression rose, he would have gotten it. 
That's including the Whaboom guy, and the dude that brought a mini doll of himself.

Tickling is the WORST.
No one wants a tickle fight. 
Even actual tickle monsters know they're in a dying profession. 
I wish him only the worst.

As everyone mingled in the house, Lawyer and DeMario competed over who was going to be Rachel's husband and where everyone would sit when they got married. 
They kept calling Rachel their wife. 

Meanwhile, Bryan scooped Rachel away and told him that he was 37 and ready to start a family. 
They seemed to get along really well and thenn
he went in for the kiss, and man...
I hope they would consider a 30 year old flower girl for their wedding. 
Spark City. 

While the guys were all determined to get the first impression rose, none of them compared to Bryan, and he walked away with it. 

While there were others who were interesting, a lot of them looked at the Whaboom guy and thought, "she'll pick me over him."

They were sadly mistaken. 
Whaboom guy is will us next week. 
He's not Corrine. 
He will not win us over. 
We will not like him. 
Apparently he has been causing some wave in the Bachelor Nation, by sliding into Carly Waddell's DM's. Her and Evan were tweeting about it on Monday night. 

There's also some scoop that Josh Murray is best friends with Bryan. 
So if it goes down in flames, I blame Josh. 

Who are your favs? 
Any stand out moments that I missed? 

Let me know below! 

May 7, 2017

Yes Please!

Hello fine folks!  
You know as the Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons becomes closer, the Oh Jones blog comes out of hibernation.
(Rachel's season must and will be recapped)

But I wanted to use this post to talk about something a little different.
Join me won't you?

I struggle a lot with looking at others and being legit jealous.
Saying things like, "Must be nice, to be able to have the time..." 
Or, "Jesus, we get it your skin is clear, your eyelashes can touch your forehead, you love your leggings, and you're on a trip because you're the top seller in your company, that'll never be me." 

I was feeling paralyzed by own circumstances and truly too afraid to take a risk.

I'm an extrovert for sure, but struggle with confidence.
Who doesn't, right?
It's tough to be a champion for yourself.
 Or to go outside of your comfort zone.

Amy Poehler has this quote that I have in my office, and one day it hit me a little harder than usual.

So I'm jumping in.
 I've started a new side hustle by investing in
my own slice of business with Rodan + Fields Skincare.

Some things to note about this new venture:

-I barely use make up, let alone have ever invested in skin care. We're talking like I've been using the Equate brand from Target for 29.5 years.
(Yes even as a baby and toddler I bought my own face wash.)
So this is a business where I'm learning a TON.

-I'm not going to Liam Neison you into buying or joining my business. I do not have a particular set of skills to hunt you and find you, but I will talk to you about the products and share the opportunities this company can give you.

-I will bat my eyelashes at you, when you ask if Lash Boost really works, and say, "Yeah Dawg."

-I will listen to what you might want to change about your skin, and help find the best products.

But overall, with this new perspective,
I'm also going to start celebrating other people more, and stop being such a negative nelly about other people's success. It's way cooler to be encouraging of everyone's progress.
Plus frowning gives you wrinkles.

I gotta take another piece of advice from my girl A.P. and come from this perspective:

And if you ever think that you can't do something or that you're not brave enough, just remember this:
If Nick Viall is brave enough to wear a chunky turtleneck on television, you can be brave too.

P.S. If you have any questions or want to learn more, my Virtual Business Launch is TONIGHT! (Sunday May 7th at 8pm) on FB.
If you want to "go" just send me an email or comment below and I'll send you an invite.
If you want to look at the products go here: R+F and if you have any questions email me at:

Mar 5, 2017

A recap and a giveaway!!!

Y'all, I'm sorry. 
Blogging sometimes takes a back seat when things get busy but best believe I'm watching and doing my best to recap the rest of this season as best as possible. 
The finale episode is going to be late because I'll be on a service trip but just know it's coming! 

This week was such a tease...and kind of weird. 
It was only an hour and while I'd love to say a lot happened during that hour it really didn't. 

First up on the should have been dramatic but wasn't list, was Andi Dorfman's return. 

When I saw Andi, I did a heavy, and I mean HEAVY eye roll. 
 I just finished her book about her break up called, "It's Not Okay," and spoiler alert the book wasn't OK. 
It was kind of infuriating actually.
There was a ton of juicy gossip about her break up and even some stuff about Nick, but it was mainly just her talking about how she gained five pounds, and how she had to go from a 4 to a 6 in her Lululemon yoga pants. 
She also claimed it was NOT OK to let yourself go during a breakup. 
Not shaving your legs was not only uncool, but a potential crime. 
She's a lawyer so I just took her word for it. 
So after I read every single one of those 300 pages, I was questioning my own purpose in life, as well as how many other put themselves through that unnecessary torture. 

Mini-rant over. 

Andi, asked Nick how he was doing. 
He was surprised she was there. 
The last time she showed up to his hotel room she dumped him. 
We know Nick. 
We were there. 
She countered with "Well now you get to dump 29 girls." 
And Nick said, "Maybe 30." 
He wasn't going to pick someone just to pick them. 

Nick, I don't know how to say this politely, but I believe I speak for most of America when I say, 
I never want to see you looking for love on my television ever again. 
I will watch you dance with stars. 
I will watch your weird instagram stories where you just make "Jim Halpert" faces into the camera. 

But, I will not, watch you find a girlfriend on TV. 

After apologizing to Andi for calling her out for sleeping with him (which she references in the book several times) they hug and he's off to the rose ceremony. 

Corrine is the one to take the L...imo home. 
At first she cried and apologized to Nick telling him she was sorry if she ever made him upset. 
He told her she didn't do anything wrong, and it seemed like he was saying good-bye to a good friend, not a girlfriend. 

Corrine said that she just wanted to find love in a normal way and was done saying what she thought men wanted to hear. 
She said she was done impressing men, and that they were going to have to impress her. 
Then she said she wanted to go to sleep. 
So she did. 

I gotta say....Imma miss that little peach. 

Soon after that was over it was off to Finland. 

The first and only date of the night was with Raven. 
They played darts,
talked about their relationship, and drank beer. 
Later in the evening it was time to decide whether or not they were going to take their date back to the fantasy suite. 
Nick playing hard to get, threw on his itchiest turtleneck.

Raven didn't mention it once. 
In fact, she told him she loved him. 
That's how you know it's real. 

He offered her the fantasy suite and she accepted it right away.
She also told him, while weird "Beauty and the Beast" kinda music played in the background, that she never had an orgasm.
I think Raven is great but sometimes she talks about things in such a way that make me very uneasy. 
Like we appreciate your honesty girl, but...maybe ease up a little? 

Then they went back to their log cabin, and laid on the bed, with Nick securely fastened in his turtleneck, with his voice over saying that maybe he should take the time in the fantasy suites not to sleep with the women, but to get to know them better, so that intimacy wouldn't cloud his judgement. 

Next week is THREE HOURS. 
One of which is the "Women Tell All." 
I don't know if you follow any of the women on social media, but overall these ladies seem to love each other. 
It may just be an hour of Taylor talking down to Corrine. 
Which I'll pass on. 

Speaking of ladies loving their lady friends, I have a cool giveaway AND coupon code on the blog this week. 
My internet friend Ashlie (no relation...) just opened up her etsy shop, where she is selling Leslie Knope compliment prints. 
I live for Leslie Knope and empowering quotes, so naturally I chose this quote to frame in my home: 

Ashlie is giving away one of her prints to a lucky reader! 
Here are the options! 
via Ashlie's insta

Comment which one is your favorite below, and I will pick a lucky winner! 
Ashlie's also offering a 15% discount code to "Oh Jones" readers: WILLUACCEPTTHISROSE

She's got super cute stuff in her store, and a super cute Instagram feed so check her out! 

Who's date are you most looking forward to this week? 
Do you think the "Women Tell All" will be juicy? 

Let me know (and tell me your favorite print) in the comments! 

Feb 15, 2017

Just another panic at the disco...

Like all episodes this season, we were left with a cliff hanger and not a rose ceremony.

The last time we saw Nick, he was wandering aimlessly through St. Thomas figuring out if he was going to be successful in finding love. 

But after doing some soul searching, listening to Panic! at the Disco, and talking it out with Chris Harrison on the beach, he came to the conclusion that he was having real feelings for the women who were left. 

The women were all so relieved to hear it, and even more excited when they found out they were going to Bimini! 

As the women prepared for their week, Corrine mentioned she was the only one left that didn't have a 1:1. 
I was taken aback by that, seeing as it feels like we've seen her so much. 
She was hopeful that this was her week, and that she would finally get sushi and 1:1 time with Nick...and a yacht. 

Instead when the date card arrived, it wasn't Corrine's name, but Vanessa's. 
Corrine takes it well. 
And by well I mean she vents about how all Vanessa talks about is how she's an Italian special needs teacher. 

Vanessa says that she believes that she and Nick have a special relationship and that she's ready to tell Nick that she's falling in love him. 
She's positive that he's going to say it back. 
See what you did Ben Higgins. 
You made girls think that was normal.
How dare you. 
Jk love you, hope you're well. 

As they get on a boat, all of America clutched their throats in fear, hoping to all that was holy that Vanessa didn't get sea sick. 

The day date was all about snorkeling. 
If you have ever watched a "Dateline" episode, you know that when a loved one takes you snorkeling there's a 50/50 shot Keith Morrison is going to be narrating your death. 

So while it is not my ideal date, I was glad to see they had such a good time. 

At dinner, Vanessa said that she was falling for him, and Nick replied with, "I like you....a lot."
He said that he only wanted to say that he loved someone once...and wanted it to be special. 
Say it a million times. 
Just find someone. 
Now you've got Vanessa all worked up. 

He didn't send her home, but did send her back to the house with a lot of concerns. 

Nick had a group date with Raven, Christina, and Corrine. 
They swam with sharks. 
Again another date that was not made for Ashley Jones to enjoy. 
I've got a few rules about sharks and the ocean. 
1. I don't dive into waves because I'm afraid I'm going to dive into a sharks open mouth. 
2. I always keep at least one person in front of me when standing in the ocean, because if they get pulled down first then I can start running...for help.
3. I know I look delicious to sharks, so I'm going to keep a healthy distance. 

Corrine seemed to have very similar fears. 
She even asked if the sharks were toothless. 
Christina replied, "Sharks have 3 rows of teeth." 
She's always been the soother of the group. 

Raven thinks it's fine if the other two are afraid, because sharks smell fear, and she's not afraid. 
She gets it. 

In the evening, Nick tells them that this is the only date that he'll be giving out a rose, guaranteeing a hometown visit.
Corrine proceeds to freak out even more. 
And when Corrine freaks out...she eats cheese. 
A lot of it. 

While Nick did seem to have very meaningful conversations with Raven and Christina it was pretty clear he did really like having Corrine around. 

Raven ended up getting the group date rose, and was super excited for Nick to go to Hoxie. 
Corrine decided she needed to take things into her own hands, and show Nick her sex abilities. 
You know because: 

God. Bless.

When she shows up to his room, he offers her a drink and they start making out. 
She takes him into his room, and when she thinks she's sealed the deal, he tells her they need to slow down. 
Corrine leaves feeling like she blew it. 

She proceeds to sit on the couch freaking out through the next two 1:1s, while people cycle through to tell her she's ok. 

The last two dates were with Blonde Danielle and Rachel. 

BD was so happy to have another 1:1 with Nick.

While their date was cute it seemed very forced. 
There is no doubt that BD is probably an actual angel but for some reason...she fell flat. 
Nick told her that he didn't see a future with her. 
Right after she told him the last time she felt something so strong for someone they died. 

She was ultimately heartbroken. 
Watching Blond Danielle cry can probably be compared to watching something happen to a dog in a movie. 
Not cool. 
Not cool at all. 

When the producers got her bags, the women were stunned. 
They couldn't believe someone so sweet was gone. 
From her spot on the couch, Corrine took it as a sign that she was next. 

Rachel's date was last and she was perfect as usual. 
She was open with Nick and told him that she was excited for him to meet her family. 
She told Nick

As they sat and talked, the bartender joined them and told Rachel, 

"Make sure this guy really needs you and not just wants you." 

If you need me, I'll be doing an "Eat, Pray, Love" voyage to find that man so he can give me more wise advice. 

Rachel and Nick end their date, and she goes back to the house super pumped. 

Nick goes to catch up with Chris Harrison and tells him that there is one person he has love for but doesn't believe it's fair to have them go through a rose ceremony and be humiliated in front of everyone. 

Naturally everyone thinks, it's Corrine but
when he walks in the house, and asks where PRECIOUS CHRISTINA IS! 

Ok, he just asked where Christina was, I added the precious part. 
Because she is. 
Nick tells her she has love her but doesn't see it going to where it is with other women. 
The look on her face when she realized that she was being sent home was so sad. 
Maybe even sadder than Blonde Danielle. 
It seemed like they had a real thing going on. 

When I realized she was going home and that Nick wouldn't be coming to her hometown of Lexington, KY I was filled with a little rage. 
APPARENTLY, Nick was too good to come to Kentucky. 
You know the home of Bourbon. 

Also I live in Lexington, KY and I could have really used a sit down to hash out some questions I have. 

His "stronger" relationships aside, it was so sad to see her go home. 
Last week it seemed like she was in position to be the one that went far. 
Now, she's probably drying her eyes with a glazed donut. 

With the way Nick is sending women home, I predict that we've got like 2 episodes left. 
Who knows if they're even going to do a "Women Tell All..." 
He probably sent them all home...again. 

What are your thoughts? 
What hometowns do you think we'll see? 
Do we meet Raquel? 

Let it out in the comments! 

While you're mulling it over, let's also be the happiest in all the land that Rachel is the new Bachelorette! 
Sure it's weird af that they announced it when she's still on the damn show, but thank goodness! 
She's going to be amazing. 
No objections from me. 
Get it? 
Lawyer joke.