Mar 19, 2015

March Madness

As a lot of you may already know, I work in a university setting. 
I'm constantly surrounded by cute hoodies, and sweatpants, t-shirts, and hats that scream team spirit. 
I love it. 
All of it. 
If I visit a different college campus or a friend gets a job at another university, I make a beeline for the bookstore during my first visit. 
College swag is my favorite. 

I'm wearing some now as I write this post. 

To be honest I never went to a ton of sporting events at the schools I attended. 
I didn't even really start getting in to college basketball until after I graduated.
Mainly because of my best friend Steve.
Tailgate Dancing....standard.
I believe his words were, "I will make you like college basketball."
Please don't tell him, because it will only boost his ego, but he was right. 

March Madness is about to be in full effect and I'm pumped about it. 
I pick my bracket less by the colors of the teams I like, and more about what I know about the actual team. 
What I'm telling you is that I should work for ESPNnnnnoknotreally. 

I plan on watching a lot of the games, and have always struggled with being able to pull off a fashionable ensemble for game watching. 

Recently this awesome company, Lillybee, reached out to help me be a little more fab and a little less "chicken wing eating contest chic" and provided me with some ADORABLE flats that will help me root for the team I like the most, the UVA Cavaliers. 
I know you're probably thinking: 
"Jones, what if they get knocked out it the first round?"

No biggie. 
The bows are clips and I can switch over to be Syracuse's number one fan. 
mind.blown.

I love a lot of things about these flats: 

1. They are comfy as all get out.
I have the flattest widest feet ever which makes shoe shopping a real treat. 
When these arrived I was moonwalking around my apartment, they were so comfortable. 

2. I can wear them with a dress, if I'm going to watch the game at a local bar right after work. 

3. I can match them to my favorite UVA shirt and a cute pair of jeans, if I'm going to watch at Steve's house...or the closest place that has 38 televisions and delicious appetizers. 

Then when they win, I can commence my gloating moonwalk around him, in public, or not.
Doesn't really matter...he'll be irritated either way.


Lillybee doesn't only sell flats to rep your school, they sell wedges, rain boots, and carry clips that represent your sorority

This company is amazing--I mean Oprah featured them in her magazine. 
And everyone knows I roll with this philosophy:

via

Tell me--what team do you have winning the "Big Dance" this year?
What colors would you probably rock? 



Mar 16, 2015

Chris's Web


Well, the finale, or as I called it, the "Waiting for Whitney to Win" episode, came and went. 
Chris Harrison let us know that shit was about to go down. 
In fact he told us to buckle up. 
I was like dang this going to be a bumpy ride. 
Turns out it was a "click it or ticket" type statement because it was real bland trip to Iowa.
Chris walked through the snow pondering life's choices in shoes that people wear to work on Wall Street.
"My feet are freezing."
Whitney met the family first, and Chris greeted her standing in his driveway like Robocop.

Whitney then started her campaign....I mean date by letting Chris know how much she loved him before they walked in the door, and then every step they took after that. 

"Look into my eyes. I will find you."
I don't know if the family bought stock in Whitney's fertility clinic or what but Jesus all she had to do was walk in the door and they were throwing their underwear at her. 
Except for the dog. 
He gave zero f's. 


Whitney ended up giving the LOOOOONGEST speech ever about how badly she wanted a family and couldn't wait to call people "mom" and "dad" again.

At one point, I wasn't sure if she was attempting to become Chris's wife or his sister.

As the entire family starting making "Whitney is the Best" buttons,
Chris had to tell them that there was still one more girl coming to the house, and that they would like her a lot. 
The sisters arched their backs like angry cats and hissed until ABC was forced to go to a commercial.

Becca arrived with COOKIES because she's perfect....
and immediately you could tell that the family was just being nice to her.

Although she was so personable with them, and told stories, instead of just reading off index cards about why she was the best fit for the position Chris's heart.

Later she talked to Chris's mom Linda, who turns out is a literal angel sent from heaven. 
Becca tells her that she's never been in love before, and as Linda BRUSHES THE HAIR OUT OF BECCA'S FACE LIKE THE SWEETEST CARING WOMAN OF ALL TIME, she tells Becca it sounds like the feelings she have are love. 
Linda was my beacon of light. 

Perhaps she could beat it coax it out of Becca and make my dreams come true. 

After they met the family, Becca and Whitney had "last chance" dates where they did Powerpoint presentations as to why they were the best choice, and then Mark Cuban offered them money...wait nope that's "Shark Tank"...how weird that I got the two shows confused. 

Becca's last date had no effort whatsoever. 
It was essentially them sitting in her hotel room, talking about feelings.
It was the saddest last date on planet Earth.  

I think the hardest part was Chris asking her why she didn't feel in love with him. 
I was hoping that she would just mouth "Olive Juice" which looks like "I love you" and that would have been a solid enough compromise.

But she couldn't make herself say it, and it made sense. 
You've only know the dude for 2 months, and now you've gotta be cool with dropping everything and being 1000% in love. 
That's gotta be stressful, when you're a normal, funny, delightful human being. 
(It's been a week and I'm not over it...I'm sorry.)

Meanwhile Whitney's last chance date was on the farm.
The MOMENT Whitney got out of the car she started talking about how at home she felt. 
We get it girl. 
You're ready for it. 
He showed her his house and she loved it. 
He showed her the sunset and she loved it. 
He took her for a ride on the tractor and she loved it. 

He showed her the basement that he keeps drifters and hitch hikers that he's kidnapped in, and she loved it.

He could have shown her his super cool Dungeon and Dragons figurines and she would have pulled out some that she widdled out of bars of soap from the hotel bathroom. 
Literally everything he said or did she was 100% about.

At the end of that date it was clear who the winner was and I was i.r.r.i.t.a.t.e.d.

The final rose ceremony was in the barn that Chris raised his first pig. 
I was hoping so hard that his pig would be there, and that he would have coaxed his spider friend to write "Will you marry me?" in a web above the barn, but nope, nothing. 
"You want me to do what? Do you know the statistics for these relationships?"
My dreams continued to be crushed when Becca was the first to show up and get dumped. 
She was so great about it and said she understood. 
She told him that he was the reason why she was able to come out of her shell and she thanked him. 
SHE THANKED HIM.

Chris said he was devastated.
I then literally yelled at my computer, "YOU'RE DEVASTATED? I'M DEVASTATED, CHRIS."

(Side note: how long do you think it took them to make that barn look like that/did they install that stained glass window specifically for this event?)

Becca was pretty robot like in the care, but all in all took it like a champ. 

Whitney showed up and if she would have barfed, I wouldn't have been surprised. 
She was shaking so hard,  and blinking so much. 
When she talked it sounded like she was in a car going down a cobble stone road. 
Chris said a bunch of lame stuff, and ended with 
"I love you?"
Then he got down on one knee and proposed. 
Whitney, although, pleased that Chris picked out a ring, pulled out one that she had already purchased for herself, and put it on her own finger. 

Whatever.
Love is great. 

During the "After the Rose" ceremony, Chris Harrison tried to make Chris Soules tell everyone he wasn't over Becca. 
When that didn't work, he said things like,
"Becca was a lost cause," and "Becca couldn't feel love." 
Still no reaction from Chris.

When Becca came out Chris and her had a mature conversation which angered Chris Harrison. 
So much so that the threw a couple of fencing knives on the table and told them fight out their feelings. 
Not really but he was begging for some drama. 

Whitney came out later and they looked happy. 
So I will invest my time into their relationship on social media until they break up. 
Or throughout their marriage. 
Whichever comes first. 

They were given a cow by Jimmy Kimmel and that did cheer me up a little bit. 
Mainly because he named it Juan Pablo.

The final segment of the night was the Bachelorette announcement. 
Chris Harrison said that there were divisions so great across Bachelor nation, that they couldn't choose one Bachelorette....they had to choose two. 
Kaitlyn & Britt. 

I call bullshit. 
There is no way that people loved Britt so much, that they would want a whole season of this face:


But alas, we now have two Bachelorettes and I'm really conflicted on whether or not to watch. 

Here's why: the men get to choose which woman they want to date. 
The way they set it up it seems like two women go in and one woman comes out the season's Bachelorette based on the men's preference. 
What happened to picking specifically for the main contestant?
Why can't they pick for both women and follow both their stories?

Now these two ladies have to compete again, to then find a partner? 
That seems so lame and kind of degrading. 
How gross will one of them feel when they get rejected again on national television?
Kaitlyn even said it wasn't ideal, and honestly neither of them looked super pumped about the announcement. 
Alright maybe Britt did. 

The one saving grace is that the confusing Bachelor in Paradise is coming back this summer and Ashley S. is making her way to the island. 

I've never read "The Secret" but I heard that it's based on the theory that if you put something out into the universe enough it comes true. 
Here's what I'm putting out into the universe: 
I want Ashley S. to make a shark fin, wear it in the ocean, in the pool, on land, to scare everyone, and I want the "Jaws" theme music to play every time. 

Please make that happen ABC. 
And please make the right decision by giving Britt and Kaitlyn equal chances to make their choices. 

Another season down. 
What were your thoughts? 
What do you think about this new "twist"? 
Tell me errything.








































Feb 25, 2015

Fantasy Suite: Sponsored by Ludacris

Well, we're down to the home stretch and much like every season that I get invested, I get a little bit nervous around this time.
Why?
Because Mondays become boring again and I just like doing hoodrat things with my friends on Twitter. 

You also know it's tropical vacation week because the ladies look like they showered in front of a  fog  machine in the middle of a rain forest, and the guys sweat like they've been doing karate in the garage for hours. 

Exhibit A: Kaitlyn

A lot of the date was them walking around Bali and getting attacked by the biggest small monkeys I have ever seen. 
Like they may have cracked a rib if they ran at Chris a little faster. 
Chris got peed on...ya know classic date stuff. 

They also met this stud.
All I need in this life of sin is me and my boyfriend. 

They talked about Kaitlyn being vulnerable and how she was so happy to be with him and how he was going to be a hard one to shake.
He tells her he's falling in love with her which is a new one.
But you know...there's no rules.
Then they got the fantasy suite card. 
It's always presented like an opportunity for them to spend all night together undistracted but I would like it a lot more if Ludacris presented the invitation with a 24 hr live performance of this song...
The first time it would be so exciting because Ludacris.

But the next two would be even better because he'd probably just throw the card on the table and be like "You know the drill, 24 hrs of me rapping, yall will make out, maybe more, who knows, it's up to you. Maybe you'll watch the couple episodes I was on "Law & Order: SVU" that messed with people emotionally. The world is your oyster.
Also there are oysters over there...aphrodisiacs and such."

The next date was with Whitney who is clearly already in her third trimester because all she does is talk about her children with Chris.
They gave the captain the go ahead and set sail.

I am the captain now.
Whitney talked/ate her hair and told Chris how much she loved hated her sister Kimberly.
Chris seemed pretty mellow the whole date not nearly as excited as he was with Kaitlyn.
He told her there were some sharks in the distance but not to worry about it.
Then he asked her to jump in the water.
Which they did.

Straight into a sharks mouth.
They were never seen again.

Just kidding.
They made it back to the Ludasuite.

Chris asked Whitney about her career and how she would deal with Arlington.
She said that her mom always told her to have something to fall back on but that she wanted to be a mom more than anything so she didn't care.
I was also afraid she was going to pull out a positive pregnancy test at that point because we get it...she wants a litter of children that are part Chris Soules.

The final date was with Becca.

She was rocking a very ambitious all black part pleather ensemble that made me sweat on my couch. 
But he took her around a farming area and explained things to her in the nerdiest/sweetest way. 
To me it seems very natural between the two of them. 
She seems like a funny down to earth girl WHICH IS WHAT CHRIS NEEDS IN HIS LIFE.
But I digress.

They go to a temple and talk to the medium of the village who tells them they should get it on.
Becca then barfed in her lap.
Maybe not literally. 
At one point Chris asked what her biggest weakness was as a person because he's romantic as hell. 
The medium actually quoted Miley Cyrus and said "She can't be tamed." 
He may be a medium but he is large into pop culture.
..............................................................
I'm not proud of that joke. 
But I am giggling at my computer. 

They talk a lot about Arlington and how she would need to be really sure about them to move there. 
WHICH IS SMART.
BECAUSE SHE'S PRACTICAL.
Just because Whitney has already started a Babies R Us registry doesn't mean she's the obvious choice. 
She tells the camera that she has always said that she's waiting for marriage  but that she is pretty into everything that's happening so who knows. 
She tells Chris and he stares at her like this for about a minute.

During the time we all waited for his response I melted. 
My skin literally melted off.
I felt so uncomfortable for her. 
But he took it well (because she said she was a virgin not a witch) and they stayed the night together. 

The next day, Chris seems upset because he said that he and Becca had some conversations and he felt unsure about what happened. 
I immediately started panicking and yelling, "WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?"
Because I've got a lot going on in my life.

He talks to the Godfather, Chris Harrison, who has been to so many tropical locations he no longer sweats...
and talks about how he doesn't know what he's going to do.
Harrison basically said, "Whatever dude. Cowabunga I'm going surfing," and was outta there.

At the rose ceremony Harrison leads Chris to a temple where they have a no kissing policy.
Harrison watches as his young jedi leaves to make a very hard decision about the rest of his life, 
while he stands there thinking about what's for dinner.

Before the rose ceremony starts Chris pulls Becca aside and Whitney and Kaitlyn try not to do a victory dance.


Apparently they weren't allowed to talk for a couple of days but basically Becca is crazy about Chris and really wants to be with him. 
He tells her he's crazy about her...which I took as "Becca you're my one true love."

Meanwhile Kaitlyn and Whitney are throwing themselves a parade because they believe they are the final two. 
Then their hearts fell to into their butts when Chris came back WITH Becca. 

Praise.

He gives the first rose to Whitney, and the second rose to Becca. 

I know I started off this season really thinking she was the armpits but I felt so said for Kaitlyn. 
"Mother ffffffuuuuhh..."
Not only did he send her home but she had to walk up all those damn stairs. 
Sorry but I don't want to do cardio after being dumped on national television. 
Get me a jet pack and let me hover over land all the way back to Philadelphia, like a true women with class. 

When he walked her out he had nothing to tell her as to why she was the one who didn't get the rose. 
As a matter of fact he kept saying "this may be the wrong decision."
So that will comfort her on nights that she can't sleep. 
At one point a rooster crowed to lighten the mood....
But no one was laughing. 
Chris then sighed heavily for 2 minutes and cry sweated everywhere. 

Kaitlyn seemed really humiliated and I think that Chris not being great with words in tense situations probably didn't know what to do. 
There's a solid chance he was playing "eenie meanie miney mo" before he blurted out Becca's name.
Either way I have fully given up on my hatred of Canadian Kathy Griffin, and fully endorse her for the next Bachelorette. 
(But if there is more than one date where they rap at each other......so help me.)

In two weeks we are taken back to Iowa, and it looks dramatic. 
It looks like Whitney starts moving in, while Becca is like "yo dude can we figure out if we really love each other for a minute before I move here." 

Next week is Women Tell All and because these crazy biddies have been so entertaining all season I can't wait. 

What are your thoughts?
Are you #kaitlynforbachelorette like me?
Do you fall into the crew that thinks Becca is boring? 
(If so please turn a reflection paper in to me at ohjonesblog@gmaildotcom)










ControverCial Hometown Recap....


Ok. I was the worst last week and didn't have a recap for the 16 hour Bachelopalooza. 
Here are my general thoughts about everything that went down:
-The "tell all" that went down on it was clear that Kelsey thinks that she is very cute and hell bent on over pronunciation i.e. controverCial.
-Britt crumbling was so fascinating. She seemed like she wanted to be the only one he was dating and just cancel the rest of the show/ was conforming to everything he loved. Also her description of her family was less than appealing. Apparently they all eat off each others plates. 
Guess what, much like Joey Tribani,

 Ashley doesn't share food so that did not sound like a place I wanted to visit. 
Britt essentially losing her mind, and then trying to break up with him before he broke up with her was a disaster I loved.
I was worried that Chris was going to be too googly eyed over her to let her go but he's kind of a smart cookie, and let her walk. 
When she was "crying outside" there were no tears, and I'm pretty sure she scream cried near the door so he would run after her. 

She also started dressing more and more like she was at her own quinceanera which is strange as she is veintisiete.

The hometowns were presh and as per usual I was uncomfortable by the forced rapping on Kaitlyn's date. But her, Becca, and Whitney's family all seemed to be pretty adorable. 
Jade's family on the other hand seemed to believe that their daughter was a wild....naked....mustang. 
Jade then showed him her playboy pictures which was a super normal and great for everyone involved. 
I mean Jesus...just say they're out there.
She told him that her dad's coworkers were the ones that found them first and told him. 
So we know that her dad works with some stand up dudes. 
The fact that her family and her had very different interpretations of who she was, and Chris's concern that she was going to call his father "Heff" was enough to send her home. 

That meant that Kaitlyn, Whitney, and Becca were on their way to Bali. 
That recap will be up in just a few! 

Feb 23, 2015

Quick Recap.

Hometown recaps are way late but I promise that this week we will be back in business.
In the meantime I'll just leave this here:

Feb 13, 2015

A recap blessed with eloquence...

Normally at this point in the season I'm either:
-So bored
- Annoyed that no one cares about the actual guy
-Creating an unhealthy attachment
-Hate everyone

Can you guess where I'm at so far?

If you guessed creating an unhealthy attachment you'd be correct. 
(Becca for Prez.)

The drama this season is hilarious. 
The editing is great, you can hear how they chopped up b-roll to fit the conversation, and the women are just straight up banana bread bonkers. 

This week Chris spent most of his time digging his way out of a hole, but he's the first guy in a long time who really seems to not know what to do with 11 angry wind bags yelling at him all the time. 
He lives on a farm. 
He probably makes up fights with his scarecrows. 
And they're probably about discrepancies in "Field of Dreams." 
So even though he's a bit of a dummy when it comes to conflict management -- I love him. 

Having given my State of the Union on the season thus far, let's begin the recap. 

We return to the scene of  the would be cocktail party, where Chris tells the women they are going straight to the rose ceremony.
Kelsey literally panics and falls on the floor.
The paramedic tells her that she may have to call 911 and Kelsey is all about it. 
They ask her what she wants and she asks if she can talk to Chris.
That's when I heard the water boiling and knew that if there was a bunny around Kelsey was going to throw it in there. 
As she waited for Chris to get there she was a laugh factory and told EMT that she was definitely going to get a rose for this.

She talks to Chris and tells him that she didn't know that he was going to reference the conversation they had and she panicked. 
He was all, "Shit. Now I have to keep you here. You look beautiful," but you could tell he just wanted to get the f out of there. 

When she returned to the group she continue to be a chuckle hut and told the women she was delirious while she was having her "panic attack." 

I'm letting you know right now...home girl out ran the camera, smoothed out her dress, laid on the ground, and started "crying."

If I was truly panicking about something it would probably resemble Jerry's fart attack on "Parks and Rec," not Kelsey's lame attempt to recreate her favorite Taylor Swift music video. 

Ashley I was also freaking out during the whole even because she didn't have a sad story to manipulate Chris with....therefore she was going to have to do what the one thing she hoped it would never come to....sealing Kelsey's mouth shut with her best eye lash glue.

She also asked if the producers thought Kelsey was faking the dead husband story. 
In fact she asked if they had seen the paperwork. 
I do think that's something they make you upload with your application:
-General information
-Proof of legal residency 
-Favorite pictures 
-Misc forms and records ex. husband's death certificate 

As people prepared for the rose ceremony, they began to talk about how they didn't use their traumas to gain sympathy from Chris. 

Veggie's mom said that the fact that she was a single mom who had been in a bad past relationship was sad, but she didn't exploit that.

Look I've experienced some horrific things in my day.

I have wanted Chick-fil-a so bad that I could taste the chicken biscuit and as I pulled into the parking lot I remembered...it's Sunday?

I know pain people. 
I know pain. 

Kelsey claims that everyone should be worried because they wasted their time. 

This girl...I'll call her Cher because I still am CLUELESS as to who she is,
said she would be devastated if she got sent home. 

It came down to her, Veggie's mom, and Kelsey. 
One rose, 3 thorns. 
Kelsey ended up walking away with it, while Kaitlin professed her wish to punch her straight in the teeth holder. 

Chris says that he's excited for their next adventure: Deadwood, South Dakota! 
And because it makes sense they had an old timey photo shoot:

While the women were settling in to their new hotel, Kelsey was yet again telling us how she had tied up all her loose ends (dead husbands are loose ends?) and that because she worked so hard she needed nay deserved a 1:1.
Again--I can pretend to pass out right now. 
Y'all can't see me, but I've slide off my couch onto the floor, and have begun yelling at my dog like he is an EMT.
It's not hard work--in fact--the floor has helped stretch out my back. 

We also find out that this is the week where there will be:
-A 1:1
-A group date
&
- The dreaded 2:1

The 1:1 goes to Becca and Kelsey let's us know that she is not happy:

Becca on the other hand is pumped. 
When she arrives she is told that her and Chris are going to be riding horses. 
They also meet this donkey, Salt.


I would have hard passed on everything else and just asked to have a cuddle puddle with that little dude all day. 
He has a blanket y'all. 
He's prepared. 
He's at that date for the right reasons. 

Obviously Becca is a natural on the horse and seems to be have a really fun time with Chris. 
When the dinner portion of their date is at the hill billy version of the Melting Pot, she even gives him a hard time for not being the best at cooking the kabobs. 
They talk about how many kids they want and Chris says 4-6 would be "cool."
I'm sure that amount is cool when you aren't their housing unit--but Becca seemed on board so whatever. 

They kissed for the first time and it was perfect. 
Yes. Perfect.

They had my favorite date of the season and I'm telling your right now -- that's my 1 seed. 
Becca. For. Prez.

Back at the hotel, Whitney decides she is going to rally the girls and confront Kelsey's behavior. 
Kelsey is of course, so confused because she loves the women. 
She gets it though...she's blessed with eloquence and uses big words because she is smart...no wonder they are intimidated by her. 

She says that she's glad that they had that conversation. 
Not that she'll be more aware---just that she's glad. 
Afterwards, she went to the hotel's business center to use the computer where she googled words like, "arsenic" and "cyanid."

The group date card came next and that had everyone's name on it but Kelsey and Ashley. 
So if you're following along like I was that meant Ashley and Kelsey were on the 2:1.

It was in that moment I knew there was a higher power watching over me, because how else would such a treat be delivered to me? 

The girls on the group date headed out to meet Chris. 
There he told them that because country music was really important to him, they would be writing and performing songs for him with his special guests Big & Rich.

If you've read my recaps for the past couple of seasons you know that #1 of my "oh no nos" is being sung to in any shape or form. 
Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than someone romantically singing into another person's face. 
It doesn't have to be my face they're singing into. 
Anyone singing at anyone is mortifying. 

If you want to be romantic put on a loop of John Legend, Justin Timberlake, and that new Joe Jonas song and leave the room. 
I'll get the point. 

As the women go to write their horror soundtrack love songs Britt and Chris start acting like they are on a 1:1 date. 

Is it just me or does Britt love literally everything Chris does?
Because she's pretty and seemingly normal it's not as obvious as Ashley I. but I'm pretty sure that if Chris said he liked to stab people she would say she did too. 

Because this date made me so uncomfortable, instead of laundry, this week I did dishes. 
So here's what I did catch:
-Jade was nervous
-Kaitlin wrote a rap
-Carly sang a nice song that was allegedly meaningful, but I was essentially in my dishwasher at that point so I couldn't hear it. 
-Jade overcame her fear and sang but it didn't matter because Chris ran away with Britt to a Big & Rich show where he gave her a rose on stage while everyone else sat around and waited for them. 

When they returned and Britt had the rose I literally said out loud, 
"Whoa...dick move bro."

He quickly left the scene of the impending riot and said he would catch them all later. 
Britt told the girls that they went to a Big & Rich concert. 
That's when Whitney lost it. 


Leave for an hour --fine. 
Go to a Big & Rich show without her---how dare you. 

Whitney claimed she loved them. 
No one loves Big & Rich. 
Big & Rich don't love Big & Rich. 

The remaining women were upset that they didn't get to spend time with Chris, while also trying to not be upset with Britt.
However it turned into a lot of them crying/ awkwardly sitting waiting for God knows what...

An Uber ride?

I think the saddest reaction was Kaitlin's.
I didn't see her ever getting emotional and she did and now it makes me like her more. 
I don't know what's happening in the world. 

Finally it was the show down of show downs.
Ashley v. Kelsey
Ashley was pretty confident that she was going to defeat Kelsey. 
She compared herself to Glenda the Good Witch. 
I don't remember Glenda ever asking anyone if her clip in extensions looked natural, but I may have fast forward thru that part of the movie. 

Chris started out by saying, "It's going to be awkward today." 
That's when I knew he knew that we knew what he knew:
It was about to go down.

He took them to the Badlands because...duh.
But not before flying past Mount Rushmore in a helicopter. 
Kelsey impressed Chris by naming all the presidents carved in the rock, while Ashley scouted locations for Mount Kardashian/Jenner.
The copter dropped them off and the date started off with a bang. 
To be clear I mean--Ashley told Chris about Kelsey being fake--not like bang Kelsey shot Ashley.

Chris then went to Kelsey and told her what Ashley said. 
Kelsey claimed she had no idea what was going on but that she was just being herself. 

THEN Chris went who knows where---probably looking for a rattle snake to bite him--while Ashley and Kelsey are left alone. 

As they sit on the weird bed I believe they borrowed from Faith Hill's "Breathe" video, Kelsey stares at Ashley like this: 
 for 
ev
er

She tells Ashley that she knows what she told Chris.

Here's how the rest goes down: 

Ashley finds Chris...
Drags him away....
and asks him why he ratted her out. 
Chris was like, "Yo--I'm just....tired."
And Ashley was like, <>

And then Chris was like "I don't think I can give you the life that you want."
And then Ashley was like, "DO YOU THINK BRITT WANTS THE LIFE YOU HAVE?"
And I was all like...."whoa."
And then Chris was like ...."Is Britt here? Have you seen her?"
And then Ashley storms off expecting him to run after him, and when he doesn't she yells,
"SERIOUSLY CHRIS?"
And he sighs so heavily, almost like "I'm too old for this shit..." 
Hugs her and leaves her on the rock.

1 down.

 At home the ladies are huddled onto one small couch like their hotel room on the sinking Titanic, just waiting to see who's suitcase gets taken.
When Ashley's is removed, they all are so upset. 
 Not as upset as Ashley who continues to talk to herself and presumably blow her nose on all of the Badlands.

Kelsey, who feels pretty good about herself, sits and waits for Chris to return. 
You can still hear Ashley crying as Chris says, "I let Ashley go." 
Kelsey hugs Chris and tells him that she's sorry because Ashley leaving "is a loss." 
Chris tells her he doesn't think he's what she needs, leaves her there, and gets into the chopper.
The fact that he's outta there and there are two crazies still left on that mountain lead me to believe that they may just live there now.

My favorite part of the whole night was when the women at the hotel hear the door open again, and they take away Kelsey's suitcase.

Their reaction was amazing:

Kelsey said she's above it and measurably blessed and that she will carry on. 


One second later they flash back to the hotel room, as the women are getting drunk and toasting how, and I quote, "measurably blessed" they all are that she's gone. 

Perfection.

This season is everything I love about this stupid show...
everything. 

What did you think? 
Can you not even contain your excitement for the 2 night bonanza Sunday & Monday? 
Tell me errything.