The Biggest Loser

I feel like I've been in a bit of a life rut lately.
Not in a what am I doing with my life/ why am I here kind of rut...but a
Why am I treating every meal like it's a wing eating contest kind of rut.

In the past I have written a little bit about how it's hard to be motivated for me to go to the gym.
I've written about how I love food a little too much.

The last thing I want to do is whine about having body image issues when a lot of people have similar issues but get up and do something about it.

That's what I'm struggling with the most.
How do I become one of those people who gets up and does something about it?

I've been able to do Weight Watchers for awhile and then I literally watch as my weight goes back to where it was before.
(See what I did there?)

If there is a cookie offered to me at any point in time I will eat it---even if I'm not hungry.
Because it's a cookie, and I don't want that cookie to think it's not good enough.
What if that cookie has a family it needs to support?
You're saying to yourself--But Jones that makes no sense.
Well it does to me when I'm chomping on that whole cookie clan.
I don't want to be why the cookie economy goes down the tubes.
I don't want that on my conscious.

I celebrate with food.
I eat when I'm upset.

I so badly want to be that person that wants to go for a run when they've had a bad day at work.
I'm tired of being the person who eats a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos on their couch watching the latest Tivo'd "Ellen" episode.

I don't want to feel extra crummy about myself when I see my friends celebrating their happy lifestyles and their own weight loss.
I also don't want to toast their fitness triumphs with an actual piece of toast anymore.

I want to not think that life without diet soda is a life that isn't worth living.
I want to understand what it means to eat clean.
I'm assuming that doesn't mean eating straight after a bath but I've been wrong before...

It shouldn't be a long thought out process whether or not you want to get fit.
 I just want this time to stick so bad.

The only time I remember staying with a routine was when I had something to work towards.
Sure I'm always working towards wearing only Beyonce leather "Single Ladies" leotards to work Monday thru Friday but I needed a more attainable goal.

Two years ago my biff fo life Sara and I ran a 5k for a cupcake.

We worked hard for it to and I can remember how proud we were of ourselves when we finished it.
So we promised each other that we would sign up for the Wicked 10k in Virginia Beach this October.
We shook on it &
I feel like if I blog about it then it makes it real.

It also puts it out into the universe that I'm ready to start feeling better about myself.
Adam Levine won't enjoy dates if they only consist of me crying into my Olive Garden bread sticks.

Yes in my dreams of dates with Adam Levine we go to Olive Garden.

I'm lucky that I have some really supportive friends in my life because they keep telling me it will.

My friend Kim said, "Do you want to run?"
My answer was, "Yes."
Her response, "Then you'll do it."

My best friend Sara K. has been an amazing cheerleader and understands what it means to have 5 points left for the day but a 30 point kinda hunger monster lurking in belly.
She has offered to be my support system so many times and now I'm finally taking her up on it.

 I'm giving myself permission to be flustered, to mess up, to be OK with where I am now but also understand that in order for me to look like an "after" photo I can't and won't give up on myself.

I know that I don't usually write about heavy stuff (no pun intended) but I just thought that I needed to find a place to hold myself accountable and for some weird reason, writing it on the world wide web seems like to be the perfect way to do just that.

Is it just me...

I love pop culture. 

Too much. 

I don't know anything regarding history, geography, or math but I do know the most random information about famous people. 

And not even important famous people. 

Like random people who have been in several commercials. 

Do I know what's happening with the economy?

Absolutely not....but I do know that when Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston broke up, Barb Jones and I wept for 24 hours remembering the good times. 

Lately I've been watching a lot of TV and listening to a lot of music, because I'm cool. 

My coolness can best be described by this photo:

Because of my influx (impressed by my vocab?) of Hulu Plus viewing and Spotify listening I've been noticing some things and I'm wondering if it's just me...

Is it just me or did any one else find it super hard to get over the fact the President on "Scandal" was Carl in "Ghost" aka the man responsible for precious Patrick Swayze's death?

I can say that I am now over it and find myself Pacey & Joey level obsessed with Olivia and Fitz.

Because I don't trust Shonda Rhimes since she broke my heart when she killed Denny, I'm nervous that I will be crushed once more by this show. 

You did me wrong Shonda...you did me wrong. 

Is it just me or does that Icona Pop song "I Don't Care" seem a tad dramatic?

You crashed your car into a bridge and you don't care about it?

You know how pissed I would be if I did that?

Not to mention how high my insurance rate would be...

And am I the only one who grooves super hard when that new Selena Gomez song "Come and Get it" comes on?

  

I immediately start belly dancing accompanied by my hand cymbals the second I register that the song is on.

Is it just me or am I the only one who just realized that in my favorite song ever, "Mirrors," Justin Timberlake was saying, 

"The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold"

I thought he was saying, 

"They can see this sound in my heart is now your hole..."

So really the actual lyrics make way more sense. 

I'm also an idiot.

I  have a bone to pick with Demi Lovato. 

Not only is her song "Heart Attack" grating it's a little over the top. 

Really Demi, if you fall in love you'll have a heart attack?

I believe heart attacks are due to poor diet, family history of heart problems, and high blood pressure. 

Not because Joe Jonas takes you back.

(Really Demi this is a front for my own fear that if a boy ever asks me to be is girlfriend, my heart will stop beating and I wil become a ghost that haunts the bathrooms of my residence hall a la Moaning Myrtle.)

Is it just me or does it make zero sense that McKinley High School can't afford a bus to take Artie with them to Regionals competitions but they can afford to have:

-A full band at their disposal at all times

 - Various costumes that correlate to the theme they have each week and the appropriate props.

 I mean what school isn't immediately prepared for a "boy band off" that requires exactly replicating the
 "Bye Bye Bye" video.

Not to mention we are to believe that they have better lighting than most off Broadway musicals...

But nope can't find a line item in their budget to get Artie a ride.

And is it just me, or is anyone else super pumped for the return of the "Bachelorette" in two weeks?
Because I finally feel like the vacancy that's been sitting in my heart will soon be whole once more.
See what I did there?
Justin Timberlake comes fulllllll circle.

I'll see myself out.

Roll Out

I know some people aren't the craziest about sponsored posts but I promise that I wouldn't put something up here that wasn't cool. 

Swear on Adam Levine. 

I've been trying to work on my hair game. You know trying to make this luscious mane of mine appealing to those around me. 

I want to again blame my current hair sitch on the fact that my arms resemble that of Chris Farley and have a hard time holding them above my head for long periods of time. 

You can see my predicament when all I really want is long curly princess hair courtesy of hot rollers. 

This video below makes it look super easy. 

So easy that I may in fact dust off the cobwebs on my set and try it out. 

Watch the video all the way to the end so you can learn how to enter yourself into the sweepstakes!

7 Quick Takes (Monday Edition)

Linking up with Jen for 7 Quickeroo Takes:

1.Thank you to everyone who said they would date me/ shared their quirks from my last post. Some of you said I just should just copy and paste that post into my profile and someone would surely love me. I know that advice came from a good place, but I couldn't help but think that it sounded like the advice my orthodontist gave me, "Wear your head gear to school. Your friends will support you." He was wrong...Barb Jones laughed at me in my own home so I don't know how I was expected to trust my friends who were a bunch of jerks just like me. 

2. Last week I went to see Macklemore with my friend Gabby:

 It was a pretty magical time. 

Mainly because we got to meet Wanz the guy who sings on "Thrift Shop."

3. Much to Grace's dismay I bought 2 new pairs of TOMS last week. I wear them because they're pretty comfy and make me feel cool since I work with college students. There was a pair I wanted to return but was afraid that if I did, the child would also have to return their pair.
I couldn't live with that guilt so I decided to keep them. 

I was later informed that TOMS probably had a solid business plan that accounted for returns and exchanges. 

This is why I was a communication studies major in under grad.

 Solid. Real solid. 

4. This past weekend I was reunited with some of my very best frangs for Foxfield in Charlottesville.

This was my second time to the race and I was eager to go back...mainly because I wanted to recreate the best photo bomb of all time. 

I'd like to think that I was successful. 

 Nailed it.

5. It just becomes second nature...you just pick it right back up.

If ruining pictures is wrong then I don't wanna be right y'all.

 

 6. I couldn't stop.

 

 7. To the point where I was photobombing videos....twice. 

I promise they invited me there...

Hope everyone has a swell week. 

I'm off to dive into aloe vera to cure this awful sunburn. 

Some might say it's karma for the memories I have ruined with my big dumb mug. 

These are my confessions...

The other day I was doing my usual internet shopping loop and stumbled across a deal on Living Social: 

$15 for 1 month on match.com. The description for the deal said: "Ready for Love?"

Quite suddenly I became fairly threatened. I don't know Living Social is your mom ready for love?

Why are you all up in my bidness?

Then I remembered my list of things I wanted to accomplish this year...going on a second date was one of them. Seeing as I have made zero attempts to go on a first date I started thinking about whether or not I'm truly ready to be in a relationship.

"But Jones you're 26 you've never had a boyfriend and you have admitted openly that sometimes you just gotta pick your nose...you're essentially on the top of every eligible bachelor's list."

I know everyone...I know....but after some soul searching and declining Bradley Cooper's call AGAIN...I just found myself with more dating questions than an answer.

Come with me on this journey.

This weekend I taught myself how to crochet a sloth. 

If I wanted to I could have a whole family of sloths sit on the couch and watch TV with me.

 When do I tell a man that I have knowledge and have spent hours teaching myself this skill? 

First date? 

On his death bed?

When do I stop impressing him by being neat and tidy and admit that when I come home I have a heap of pants on the floor....not because of other gentlemen callers but because when I get home I drop trou quicker than Mr. Rogers could change his shoes and sweater. 

I don't like pants. And you know what else I don't like picking them up...

I've lived alone so long I don't wanna really have to start wearing pants longer than working hours. 

I'm a bird that needs to fly....or wear sweatpants...

This analogy has lost it's depth but I feel like you catch my drift.

When can I admit that after a stressful day I really just like watching television while I eat my fat food of choice: fritos...directly from the bag.

Do I tell him that I was a Dixie Chick for Halloween one year?

Do I take down the framed picture of Adam Levine and Lewis the frog?

Do I explain these 3 wrestling action figures on my book shelf? 

Do I let him know that if there is ever less than 2 diet Pepsi's in the fridge I act like any mother in a Lifetime movie who's daughter was kidnapped?

When do I say I like to sit more than I like to be outdoorsy?

How do I eloquently tell someone, "I just want to bro out with a dude, watch sports and movies, hold hands and make out...other funny business can be discussed with my agent..." 

I don't have an agent but when do I tell him that?

Is it bad if I don't schedule dates on Mondays from 8-10 during Bachelor season?

When do I reveal that I have seen the American Idols Live tour twice?

How do I know that a person I meet in real life isn't going to kidnap me and ask me to put the lotion on the skin? 

Have you seen Jodie Foster recently? 

She doesn't seem like she's in a real crime fighting state of mind anymore...

How do I explain the fact that if I think a boy is even remotely attractive I have a hard time making eye contact with them because I'm convinced I have something in my teeth or a booger making an aggressive attempt to make itself known?

These are my confessions y'all. 

Real legitimate fears that I don't know how to make public to someone who decides they'll date me.

In the end I signed up...

It's been 2 days and I've caught myself saying "you're definitely a murderer" or "I'm going to end up in your trunk," only a couple of times.

I'll claim that as a win.

More things & stuff

So my two internet frangs Chalayn & Heather tagged me in two really cool blog awards/things...
I have a gift with words.

Chalayn (who made it possible for you to grab a button of my face) tagged me in the "5 Things" post that has been going around the interwebz.

I know I've told you a couple random things about me in the past but because I'm a freak I found it pretty easy to find 5 more to divulge to you.

1.If there was one pet that I could have over any other pet it would be a sloth.

(via)
They sleep a lot, move real slow, and are furry.
They also have fantastic nails

(via)
And I feel like they'd protect me in a dark alley situation:

(via)

2. There is one song that makes my skin literally crawl.
It is "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor



It makes me so angry I'm pretty sure that it was implanted in my brain via Mugatu from Zoolander.



3. When I was little I was allowed to make my own afternoon snacks. Because the only thing I knew how to use in the kitchen was the microwave that is what I used to make anything and everything.
You don't think an English Muffin can get crispy in a microwave you say?
Well you're right but it was still delish.
The amount of time I spent in front of those waves has probably given me a weird fin that I don't know about but whatever...totally worth it.

4. Although I would tie Adam Levine's girlfriend to the train tracks in order for me to be his boothang, (because I'm an old timey villain) my true dream dude has always been Chandler Bing.

He gets me.

 

5. I want a Dyson vacuum so bad it hurts.
They look so cool and that British dude that makes them seems so nice.
At this point I'm going to stage a marriage just so I can register for that bad boy.

And there you have it 5 things you can't unlearn about me.

Heather then gave me the Liebster Award.
I had to look it up because I wasn't quite sure what it was...apparently it's a German word that means favorite.
And the award is meant to encourage upcoming bloggers to keep going...
First of all the fact that Heather even thought of me is bananas.
I'm shocked anyone reads this let alone enjoys it.
So thanks Heather.
You the best gurl.

I'm sorry. 
I'll never type like that again.


Anyway as part of the award you're supposed to answer the eleven questions from the person who nominated you.

Let's proceed:

1) Fav Current Song
Mirrors - Justin Timberlake. 
Yes. Still. 
Every day about 400 times.
 
2) Most powerful lesson you've learned in your life.
You can't lower your standards to make someone else happy. 
--Tim Jones
Bright dude. 
 
3) A food you hate and why
 I wouldn't say I hate it but I don't really like sushi...mainly because it's not french fries or nachos....and I love french fries and nachos. 

4) Most misunderstood thing about you
 When I was in middle school I used to wear those athletic tear away pants. People thought they were a part of a basketball uniform I owned. 
They misunderstood.
I wore them purely for comfort.


5) Kid Rock or Michael Buble. (don't you dare look appalled)
 My dad went thru a Kid Rock phase.
Meaning, he would pick me up from the library blaring "Cowboy" from the mini van. 
Now that I can drive myself places, I prefer the Bubs. 

6) Most embarrassing moment
 I do so many embarrassing things I've stopped ranking them...
But maybe this: 

7) If you could write anything you wanted on a billboard, what would it be?
 Treat Yo Self


8)  Should Richard Simmons cut his hair, and if so, which style would you recommend? (you may include a picture)

 Mr. Clean bald. 

9) Something you've always wished for

 I wish for a lot of things but I think what I wish for the most lately is to have the perfect napping couch to call my own.

10) If there was a onesie for adults, would you wear it? Why not?
 I have a onesie. So yes.

11) God exists. What would you want to hear Him say when you  arrive at the pearly gates? - (remixed James Lipton quote)

Welcome to Heaven. To your left is an unlimited supply of diet pepsi and chips and salsa/queso...to your right a box full of puppies to play with forever. 

As many of you know....

I'm some what of a hair expert. 

I shared with you a couple weeks ago my awesome sock bun:

It was truly a masterpiece. 

Alright so maybe I lied....but what I do excel at is looking for hair tutorials to make my locks shine bright like a diamond. 

The Blogher Network saw my need for an immediate hair intervention is a great place to check out those hair tutorials. 

Especially the one below that teaches you how to make a sexy, loose bun.

Now I know when you think Jones you think sexy hair all day errrrryday but this looks like something I could definitely try to accomplish. 

My arms may get a little tired because I have the upper body strength of a baby deer but still this looks totally manageable! 

I was also shocked by the fact that you could use hair wax to get rid of your baby hairs. 

Excuse me while I run to the store so I can take care these fly aways that make me look like I have a lion's mane.

An extra cool piece about that video...if you watch to the very end you have the ability to enter a pretty sweet sweepstakes with really awesome prizes. 

So make those buns...work that up do.

Sweeps rules:

http://www.blogher.com/hair-sweepstakes-official-rules-week-3

Prizes & Promotions page on Blogher.com:

https://www.blogher.com/blogher-tv-weekly-hair-style-sweepstakes