A short story by Ashley A. Jones

As many of you know I have joined a gym. Lifetime Fitness. It's a cool place. I have a boyfriend there. Well...he doesn't know we're dating but soon friends...soon. That's for another day.

I also have a trainer. Not like a juice head trainer, her name is Kara. She's really fun and she makes sure I don't hurt myself when I try to do strength training or walking thru the gym. She also laughs at my jokes, which many of you know makes me like you immediatley. I'm a whore for laughs.

As many of you also know I really dig food. Like a lot. Certain days (like today) I like to make a little detour on my way home and get myself a little bag UTZ $1 cheese popcorn from 7-11. Not the Smartfood White Cheddar. That's for snobs. I get the fake orange cheesey crap. I'm sure its just like spray paint on popcorn kernels but it's so delish. I only eat it in my car. Perhaps it's because I convince myself it's not as shameful if no one I know can see me. Trust me I know those driving around me see what's going on in my Civic and I'm sure it's not pretty. I seriously devour it. I'm sure I look like Nell eating for the first time after she's found. I'm not proud of it but it happens.

How do these two things relate?

Well, during my "UTZ-Oh Things are About to Get Crazy: Popcorn Extravaganza 2010" sponsored by me and performed in my Honda I pass my gym. One would think that after I eat something that bad for me I'd veer into the parking lot and run on the treadmill. Clearly you'd be a rookie if you thought that, because you get tired after such a marathon snack, and should immediately go lay down. However, my trainer knows what kind of car I have because we have the same one. We bond over it...giggle about how neat Hondas are...ok I'm exaggerating but I'm really trying to avoid the horrifying point to this whole story...

SHE TEXTED ME. That's right folks. SHE SAW ME DRIVING. WHICH PROBABLY MEANS SHE SAW ME STICKING MY FACE INTO THE BAG LIKE I WAS SOME HORSE LOOKING FOR FEED. She didn't mention that she caught me at my worst, but she probably blacked out from horror. Don't get me wrong kids I don't rip the bag apart like a hyena from the Lion King but I dont look like Scarlett from Gone with the Wind either.

I'm mortified. So I thought the most logical thing to do was to tell all my friends what happened, because that's the whole point of having a blog right?



  1. I would be the snob eating the smartfood white cheddar. But I really don't feel like it's "smart" food.

    I just adore you!

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