May 24, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends


Rollerblade. And here's why: 

This past weekend I went to visit my bff and sorority sister Heather. We literally did our nails and dyed each other's hair. A typical girly weekend. Then on Sunday she dropped a bombshell. 

She wanted to purchase some rollerblades for the Summer as it would a fantastic work out. 



After staring blankly at her I asked her if she was serious. 
She said "Well yeah." 

I then replied:

"You're right it will be a fantastic work out. Rollerblading back to 1994 when rollerblading was cool will be quite exhausting."

(Side Note: I googled rollerblades and this came up circa 1991)


Perhaps this was a harsh comment. A dream crusher if you will. But I could not let her go on thinking that this activity was by any means an awesome way to spend your day in 2010. I didn't even look cool doing it as a kid. Shocking I know. 

I asked nay BEGGED Barb and Tim for some blades. I may have even called them that. In my head it was completely logical for my chunk self to mobilize on 8 wheels. Barb Jones not wanting her only child  to sustain injuries purchased every pad known to man, child, and dinosaur for me to wear. If there were protective pads for my eyebrows we probably purchased them. 

Shin guards -check.
Knee Pads- check. 
Wrist guards-check. 
Elbow pads-check. 
Helmet-check.
Dignity- Buellerrr? Bueller? 

By the time I had on all my gear I couldn't reach my feet to put my blades on. If I could actually accomplish that getting up was that much harder. Every time I'd get settled enough to get up on both legs a skate would go out and I'd be back on the floor. By the time I made it out to the street I was exhausted (and potentially crying). 

One day I decided to "skate" over to my best friend's apartment. It was in the same complex as my babysitter so I thought it would be the perfect activity for an afternoon. So after I huffed and puffed and potentially blew a hammy I made it. When I knocked on the door her little sister answered the door and literally started cackling at me. I think her words were "You look stupid." If I remember correctly that was not the answer I was expecting to get when I asked "Is your sister home?" Although to be fair it probably was muffled by my sweat, tears, and mouth guard.

You can't come back from being mocked by a 5 year old. I mean normal people can but I'm a big baby and vowed never  to skate again. I think I also said " No you look stupid" but whatever that's not the point. 

There is no reason to rollerblade in 2010. There are plenty of cool new things to do to get a good workout. Why dwell on the past? 

Don't do it. 
Just don't ok?

Love, 

Jones

14 comments:

  1. bahhhh fine...my dream is crushed, I will turn the page. Maybe I'll get moon shoes and bounce everywhere??? Those were cool into the 2000s right???

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  2. hmm...me and one of my friends actually discussed getting rollerblades and skating by the monuments (we of course would incorporate drinking into it).

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  3. it is fairly popular at the oceanfront in the beach... they must all think its miami and not virginia beach

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