There's a reason Paul Blart had a segway....

As aforementioned I went to see my best friend Sara in the dirty Jerz this past weekend. 

Once I get my pics uploaded I plan on giving you the run down. 

It was awesome. 

We went to see "Knight & Day"

It's the one with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. 

I used to be a big fan of Tom Cruise. 

Then he became a wacko

And jumped on a perfectly good napping couch

Owned by Oprah. 

Rude. 

However, I was intrigued and wanted to see what this flick had to offer. 

That and Sara wouldn't see "Despicable Me."

It ended up being pretty good. 

I also kind of love Tom Cruise again. 

Not like the love I used to have for him in "Top Gun" but still ...there's an inkling. 

Seeing the action movie got me thinking:

There aren't a lot of chubby actors in action movies and I don't blame them.

They didn't eat ONE time in "Knight & Day" 

That's something I would not be able to stand for. 

If I'm going to be running everywhere, and dodging bullets I'm not gonna be doing that on an empty stomach.

Neither would Jonah Hill. 

They ran EVERYWHERE. 

Sometimes I don't even like to walk places. 

I had to pee for an hour and half today because I didn't feel like going the 40 yards it takes for me to get to the bathroom. 

After they run and jump and I'm assuming...starve- they don't sweat. 

I sweat all the time when I eat, pick something up, blink. 

I wouldn't make it in an action flick. 

Or if I was being chased in real life. 

I mean if you're a burglar reading this...just ask me for my wallet. I'll give it to you. There will be no struggle. 

Just a simple please and thank you will do. 

And if I can make it without a stab wound I'd much prefer it. 

Some might say that having an 80 billion dollar contract might be a motivation...

but I don't know if people realize how much I'd have to run. 

And how little I'd eat. 

And how angry those two things combined would make me. 

Sara pointed out that Kevin James was in "Paul Blart: Mall Cop."

I told her he had a segway and an inhaler and was in a mall. 

Where there are food courts and Cinnabon. 

He's a guy with the right idea.