Nov 10, 2010

woof

Technically my friend Shawn followed the blog twice but whatever. 105 followers is 105 followers. 
(Thanks for following btw! So appreciated!!!!!!)

Here it is. 

Well here is the back story: 

I've had the same since I was 15.
I was wearing pucca shells and Billabong baseball t-shirt.
Please note that my hair is super frizzy due to the fact that I had no idea what a straightener was. 
Or maybe I did know what it was but I was too busy trying make myself look like a dude to care. 

So I had this thought. 
"Since I'm turning 24 in 2 weeks I'm going to go and get a horizontal license. I will do my hair, wear a nice sweater and look presentable."

For the first time ever I had a quick and easy experience at the DMV. 
The woman told me not to smile (as that is the new law in VA.)
I tried to smile with my eyes. 
Like most beauty queens do. Duh. 
I asked her how it turned out and she said,
"Great."

I believed her. 
About 10 days later along with my pajama pants and robe my license was in the mail. 
I was fortunate to have an attractive JMU ID photo so I thought perhaps it would be the same for this license! 

Incorrect. 
Here it comes....

1.
2.
3.
Woof: 

I have pointed out the obvious flaws. 
Green Arrow: Although my hair isn't nearly as gnarly as my first ID...it's still gross. My part looks like a weird comb over. 

The pink arrow will now highlight the wonky-ness of my eyes. 
THEY ARE NOT SMILING.
They look like they hide the secret of murder. 
I look like Mad Eye Moody. 
Was I tired?
Is that why they are literally two different sizes?
Did I have a slight stroke on the way to the office?

The blue arrow merely shows my neck literally trying to eat my chin. 
I look like I'm forming into one big blob of face. 

The red arrow just shows that I'm an organ donor. So if one of you is looking for eyes of various shapes I could potentially have two to offer you. 

I look like Charlize Theron in "Monster."

Or Rosie O'Donnell after a day on a jet ski:

So there you have it. 
My horrid picture. 
For the world to see. 

If I ever reach 150 followers I'll show the picture I vowed to never show anyone. 
Me with a mullet. 
A real one. 
It's me in a softball jersey. 
Tell your friends. 

-Jonesy




5 comments:

  1. Ashley, it's not that bad!!! I was expecting something the likes of my Conan picture. I need to find that one.

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  2. perhaps you need to see it up close because it is rough. i have shown it to several people and their responses have generally been gasps.

    that conan picture is a winner though...we laughed so hard at that!

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  3. Haha, I should probably have just read your explanation first... I spent a good minute staring at the pink arrow like, "But her eyebrows are PERFECT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND." Also, the no smiling rule? Super dumb. And I'm a little nervous about it. I still have my vertical license too, and I'm pretty sure when I go in to get the horizontal pic taken, I will immediately get the giggles. I can see the arrest warrant now: four counts of giggling, 1 count of smiling, and a bajillion counts of allowing any happiness ever to enter the DMV.

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  4. So I'm behind on the times as per use...ual. (How do you spell the short form of usual?)
    I just about died of laughter when I looked into your eyes to see them smiling back at me and found not a trace of laughter. Not a trace! Hahaha! You look so unhappy... oh it just killed me.
    It looks like a mugshot. Why do we all have to spend 4 hours at the DMV just to get a mugshot now?? I never want to give up my vertical! Who on earth is going to look attractive in these pictures?? No one! I'm going to try to make my eyes extra squinty when I do mine to imitate my "smile with my eyes." haha!

    I agree with Robyn that I just sat there staring at your eyebrows wondering what was wrong with them when they were well groomed and fully symmetrical. I think you should cut your hair some slack. I didn't notice anything resembling a comb-over or excessive frizziness in either picture.

    And I for one would like for you to post your attractive JMU id so that we have something to compare these to. You could also include your educational arrows that point out the the good aspects of the photo.

    Plus I've already seen the mullet picture so for me that's old news. JMU id! JMU id!

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