Technically my friend Shawn followed the blog twice but whatever. 105 followers is 105 followers.
(Thanks for following btw! So appreciated!!!!!!)
Here it is.
Well here is the back story:
I've had the same since I was 15.
I was wearing pucca shells and Billabong baseball t-shirt.
Please note that my hair is super frizzy due to the fact that I had no idea what a straightener was.
Or maybe I did know what it was but I was too busy trying make myself look like a dude to care.
So I had this thought.
"Since I'm turning 24 in 2 weeks I'm going to go and get a horizontal license. I will do my hair, wear a nice sweater and look presentable."
For the first time ever I had a quick and easy experience at the DMV.
The woman told me not to smile (as that is the new law in VA.)
I tried to smile with my eyes.
Like most beauty queens do. Duh.
I asked her how it turned out and she said,
I believed her.
About 10 days later along with my pajama pants and robe my license was in the mail.
I was fortunate to have an attractive JMU ID photo so I thought perhaps it would be the same for this license!
Here it comes....
I have pointed out the obvious flaws.
Green Arrow: Although my hair isn't nearly as gnarly as my first ID...it's still gross. My part looks like a weird comb over.
The pink arrow will now highlight the wonky-ness of my eyes.
THEY ARE NOT SMILING.
They look like they hide the secret of murder.
I look like Mad Eye Moody.
Was I tired?
Is that why they are literally two different sizes?
Did I have a slight stroke on the way to the office?
The blue arrow merely shows my neck literally trying to eat my chin.
I look like I'm forming into one big blob of face.
The red arrow just shows that I'm an organ donor. So if one of you is looking for eyes of various shapes I could potentially have two to offer you.
I look like Charlize Theron in "Monster."
Or Rosie O'Donnell after a day on a jet ski:
So there you have it.
My horrid picture.
For the world to see.
If I ever reach 150 followers I'll show the picture I vowed to never show anyone.
Me with a mullet.
A real one.
It's me in a softball jersey.
Tell your friends.