Don't Let This Rockin' Body Deceive You...

Being funky, fly, and fresh is way hard. This weekend I feel like I've been preparing to go here instead of here. I don't know what it is. Maybe I just get overwhelmed by how much I want to change and give up. 


There's only so many times I can look at the logo from Uncle Julio's Rio Grande (my favorite restaurant ever) and not think he's taunting me. 
Exhibit A: 

Don't even get me started on this Ginger:

I knew it wouldn't be easy or even fun sometimes but it's so frustrating to see these people at the gym not looking like a hot mess while they work out. Meanwhile I look like Kirstie Alley running to a Dunkin Donuts before it closes. I guess the best way to look at it all is that I'm still going. I'm not giving up which is what I've done in the past. I never want this to be a blog of complaints but I thought I'd share how things are going in the front. They'll improve for sure. I'm also really lucky because I have great friends that keep pushing me. Plus I have a bridesmaid dress to get in to in August so if that's not motivation I don't know what is. I guess it could stress me out and do the opposite of work hard which is eat to the point where they have to wheel chair me down the aisle like I'm Gilbert Grape's mom.


--A

I promise...

I'll write a blog this weekend. I'm just in the mood to catch up on "The Bachelor" because I'm that cool. 

Feel Good Friday

My good friend Caroline sent me a link this morning and I thought I would share it. It's a story about a boy being rescued from the rubble in Haiti. A little miracle in such devastation.

Mile Wide Smile

Enjoy. And donate to the cause if you can.

--A

This guy should have read my blog...

Yesterday I posted a blog about how I would be a terrible robber. Today I was on The Daily What and I'm not even kidding I found this story that happened yesterday:

Burglar Showers and Makes Chicken

I thought it was a shining example of what would happen to me should I ever bust in to someones home. I mean if you have chicken in your house I won't eat it...(because I have issues with chicken...but that's a whole other post) but I would make some tater tots if I found them in your fridge.

--A

Don't worry 7-11 I won't be robbing you anytime soon.

Not because I tried and am currently writing this blog thru my mom during my one phone call...but because today I went to a house that wasn't mine when no one was home and felt like a total creep and realized that if I ever did decide to do a B&E (break and enter) I would most definitely be in jail.

Let me back up for a second. I didn't just find a random house with a door open and just strolled in. My best friend Marisa is in India being a baller and I had somethings at her house to pick up. For several reasons no one was home and I was told by her mom to just go on in and get everything.

When I first got there I found the secret key not only did I drop it and then have to search in the dark for it, I remembered Marisa emailing me about the alarm. So I immediately thought that there was going to be one of Fairfax County's finest showing up any minute to arrest me.

I've been going to Marisa's house since I was in 7th grade so it's not like I was in a strange place but I realized that if I ever got the urge to just break down a door and steal some crap I would be terrible at it.

I would probably leave so many clues behind they wouldn't even need to call any of the Law & Order folks to investigate. I'd probably leave incriminating things behind. Like this:

Clearly I would hope that the mustache would throw people off and would be stealing a fountain because I'm George Clooney in Ocean's 11. I mean I watch enough crime shows where one would think that I'm smart enough to pull off a heist but really I'm not.

If they had a pet. I'd play with it.
If they had neat family photos I'd stop and look.
If they had an alarm I'd make a dance to it.
If they had good music I'd stop and dance to it.
If they had a large open space I'd stop and dance in it.
If they had diet pepsi in the fridge I'd drink one and most likely leave the can there.

In the end I think I'm just trying to point out that no one has anything to fear as I do not have the urge/desire nor am I smart enough to be a criminal. I won't be breaking or entering into your homes at anytime. I can't even enter to my own house without cause for concern. (Today it was that my adult footie pjams were air drying on the car port for my neighborhood to see.)

Here's the proof:

Hopefully everyone is having a good week thus far.

--A

Perhaps it's cheating...

To only be posting links and pictures this week but I'm trying to think of good things to write about...instead I've been finding links and stories and pictures...

Until I do the next dumb thing that warrants a good blog post check out  these little nuggets:

Especially important before the silly: Texting “HAITI” to 90999 will charge a $10 donation to the Red Cross on your next phone bill. Texting “yele” to 510 510 is also being tweeted and re-tweeted as a way to donate $5 to relief efforts via Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund.

It's a tragedy and everything helps.

Silly Nuggets:

Jimmy Kimmel to Jay Leno: Boom Roasted

I'm with Coco tshirt & $1 of each purch goes to PlantingPeace.org

Important Lil' Wayne News

Vh1 Reality Bus Crash

The Best Podcast In the History of Earth....too far?

Also google: 1864 Baseball Conan O'Brien

That's all for now!

--A

Team Coco

Running makes a little more sense now...(in theory)

Don't worry I'm not training for a marathon or anything. But I was curious about the proper form and really how those crazies at the gym could run for miles.

And then the article I was reading spoke to me. It was like it knew I, Ashley Jones, was reading it. For it provided me with this analogy:

Keep your hands in an unclenched fist, with your fingers lightly touching your palms. Imagine yourself trying to carry a potato chip in each hand without crushing it. 

I know that hand position very well as I have frequently carried a bag of chips or 2...or 9..whatever that's not important. What is important is that I finally understand the way you're supposed to look when you run--graceful and triple f if you will. Not like how I run--like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

That's all for now.

(Sike, if you want to check out a real runner's blog or someone who doesn't hate being healthy follow my friend April. She's funny and cool. No but seriously read it...or she'll haze me.)
Here's the link: http://apeswantstorun.blogspot.com/
--A

Suck on that April Mislan

April Mislan told me I was committing blog fail because I had only updated once and it was January 6th. Well suck it Apes because this is my second blog in one week.

As I wrote the last time I'm trying to incorporate the gym into my life and eating better. Not because it's the new year but because my best friend is getting married in August and I'm trying to look funky, fly, and fresh. Don't fret this isn't a blog about my quest to be a size 3. Its more about how the f do people just run?

I go to the gym and these people just take off on their tread mills or blast their pecs meanwhile I'm walking at 2.8 mph and wondering if there is a God and why he is torturing me so. I want to be one of those girls that walks in and just runs 3 miles and then drinks water to fill themselves up...but here's the thing: I like food. A lot.

I think about it all the time. I go to bed thinking about breakfast and I wake up thinking about lunch. If loving food is wrong then I don't wanna be right.

I thought I'd start watching The Biggest Loser to help me --maybe as a little motivation--but in turn I started eating while watching. Mega backfire.

I thought I'd eat soup for lunch which I have...twice this week btw...and each time I've just been angry that I'm eating such boring food. I even drop saltines in there as little rescue crackers to spice it up but it turns out chicken noodle is a chicken noodle is a chicken noodle.

So I have come to this conclusion: The task of becoming funky, fly, and fresh (triple f as it will now be called) is going to blow. But I refuse to quit. I will not quit. I will look at the golden arches and say "NO SIR". Spicy chicken nuggets - NO THANKS! I will look nachos bell grande in their cheese faces and I will say "Ok maybe just one.."

I think the point I'm trying to make is that this is a goal on my list that's not easy, and it's something that I'm not going to like but need to do in order to be triple f but just more confident. Hopefully I'll learn to enjoy the gym. Hopefully vegetables will one day be exciting.

For now I will hate it and push thru it. But I firmly believe I will continue to hate everyone at Lifetime Fitness that just jogs and doesn't look like they're running from a mugger.

--A

Have you heard?

Hello Muffins.

It's a new year and a new blog. I don't want to say that updating this regularly is a new years resolution...I will say that it something that I would like to follow thru on in 2010. After talking to my fav Colleen Whitney we agreed that 2010 is going to be a spicy year. How spicy? Well let me just tell you...

*ahem*

Shpicy List 2010

(in no particular order)

1. Save money so I can one day live like Jay-Z. Or just learn to put it away successfully so I don't end up living in a van down by the river.
2. Stick up for myself--or rather let people know when something bothers me. (In a calm fashion of course)
3. Keep up this gym attendance. I'm not thinking of losing Biggest Loser proportions but not sweating after tying my shoes would be neat.
4. Continue to knit and learn more techniques because it makes me happy no matter how nerdy it is--which brings me to my next point...
5. Open an etsy.com account to sell nifty knitted schtuff.
6. Read more--especially classics.
7. Listen to a wider array of music.
8. Become more aware of political issues so I don't look like an airhead when people talk about them. (Apparently knowing gossip about people I have never met isn't as equally relevant as issues in health care.)
9. Move in to my own place. (I'm 23 and live at home...not really something to put on a match.com profile)
10. Write more--even if it's just random little notes.
11. Learn how to french braid & successfully put on eyeliner. Currently I look like this when I attempt any kind of eye make up-

Hopefully at least a few of these things can happen this year. They seem pretty tangible.

Wish me luck in my year of spice! I'd love to hear any one else's wish list.

-A