Thursday, October 7, 2010
The trumpet player lived. Perhaps he and or she reads the blog because as soon as I posted that bad boy, it (being the trumpet player) ceased his Louis Armstrong ways.
No one was harmed.
But if they come back it will be a show down.
I can play "Hot Cross Buns" on a recorder like nobody's business.
Posted by Jonesy at 12:06 PM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
SAM FROM "THE BIGGEST LOSER" IS EFFING ENGAGED TO STEPHANIE FROM "THE BIGGEST LOSER"!
WHY SAM WHYYYYYYY? I THOUGHT WE WERE IN LOVE.
WE ARE FACEBOOK FRIENDS.
I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER.
I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL.
I CAN'T RAISE THIS BABY ON MY OWN.
(KIDDING...OR AM I. CALL ME US WEEKLY.)
I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PLOTTING A LIFETIME-ESQUE BABY SCANDAL RIGHT NOW...
READ THE BARFTASTIC ARTICLE HERE.
AND THE REFRESHER OF MY PROFESSION OF LOVE TO SAM HERE.
NOW I MUST GO MOURN.
I SAID GOOD DAY!
Posted by Jonesy at 10:11 AM
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Grad school has brought many issues to my attention.
The inability for many people to attend college.
Financial aid availability.
THE POOR CONSTRUCTION OF OREO CONTAINERS.
Nabisco, what the eff?
You provide me with this delicious bag of Oreo cookies.
Halloween themed of course with 5 Boo-rific shapes.
You have this lovely flap that allows me to reseal my cookies when I'm done.
(However, after talking to my bff Sara we came to the conclusion of - who really needs to reseal an Oreo package? And if you are resealing it--for how long? You can easily knock out at least a full row in 3 to 3.5 minutes.)
Since I've been trying to watch this figure of mine (which is stunning I assure you) I have been tackling my Oreo container in stages.
I have noticed that for some reason the jerks at Nabisco do not want me to get to the cookies in the corners.
I don't want to think that my cookies are cowering in the back not ready to be eaten.
I've see all Toy Story movies and perhaps believe that the same premise applies to the food in my kitchen.
I picture my kitchen after hours to look like this:
I want my cookies front and center ready to be straight up eaten.
Instead I have to proceed through the following steps:
Step 1: Pry open top of container
Step 2: Reach my fat little nugget fingers to the back thus forming a claw prying the cookies from the back into the center of the package.
Step 3: Dunk the oreo in 1% milk. (Because I'm healthy.)
Step 4: Eat it like my life is ending and the only way I will survive is if I eat the cookie whole.
Step 5: Repeat.
It's pretty revolting to read about.
I'm glad I normally eat in the darkness of my own home.
I remember the good old days when Oreo Cookies were in a tray that you just pulled out. There was no stress. No sassy cookies in the corners trying to outsmart you.
You knew that it was going to be a smooth and easy experience.
Now you don't know if you have any cookies remaining until you shake the crap out of the box and get crumbs everywhere.
All I ask is that Nabisco acknowledge the fact that there are neglected cookies.
Cookies that are being wasted due to fat fingers around the world not being able to grasp them.
As you can see living on my own has led me to really dig down deep and get to the gritty issues effecting me and my peers.
P.S. Soon to come: my adventure from Harrisonburg & back . And by adventure I mean I saw a guy with a glass eye & stopped at an Arby's and saw a dude with a hook for a hand.
P.P.S. Ok that really would have been the extent of that whole story. So I'll think of something else to peak your interest.
P.P.P.S. Coming soon: Will the resident playing his trumpet in the parking lot outside my window right now still have lips to play his trumpet in the morning?? Even I don't know the answer.
Posted by Jonesy at 12:42 AM