Apr 27, 2011

Do they make this with a turtle neck?

Well it's that time again. 

Bathing suit season. 

The time when all skinny people flock to Target to mix and match their tops and bottoms for their bikinis. 

Or as I like to call it: 
The time where I cry in a dressing room.

It's beneficial that I'm squeezing myself into that sausage casing that is a swim suit, because it's water proof and the tears just roll right off. 

I hate bathing suit shopping. 
I look online for years. 
I mean last summer I looked for a bathing suit from May until August. 
By the time I got it the pools were closed. 

It's no secret I'm a plus sized lady. 
I've been doing things about it...not so much lately as I have been eating my feelings thanks to the last 2 weeks of school, but still making some strides. 
I dress for my size, except for the occasional leotard and high heel ensemble I rock to black tie formal events. 

But how can you dress for your size in a wet suit. 
You know why there aren't a lot of chunky dolphin trainers. 
The uniform. 

Bathing suits are rude. 
They are awesome for those who can wear a bikini. 
You can mix and match. 
You can buy them for  87 cents at piece or something.
They're like 2 inches of fabric. 
You get evenly tanned. 
It's awesome for you. 

For me?
Not so much. 
Here are my options:
Tankinis. 
In theory these are phenomenal. 
Makes you feel like a skinny girl because they're two separate pieces. Sometimes you can also mix and match...
but here's the catch...and believe me there is a catch. 
Those tankini tops are basically considered half shirts. 
You do one cannon ball or front flip and that top is rolling like a Fruit by the Foot on up and exposing your belly button to the world. 

Then you have the swim dress.
It's usually worn by a lady who is more advanced in age. 
Which I applaud. 
Rock that dress. 
Swim yo laps sister. 
But for me...a swim dress is not the fashion. 

Then you have the tasteful one piece. 
This is my preferred choice. 
You stomach does not show ever. 
And if it does, a series of unfortunate events have happened and that will probably make for a fantastic blog post. 
However, you always have that fear of it being too clingy. 
My biggest pet peeve is when diving into the water, your suit clinging and showing the outline of your belly button. 
I don't want anyone to see that. 
I don't want to see that. 
Everyone knows where it is. 
They don't need a map. 
And no matter how you pull a tasteful one piece it's going to rocket back to it's natural form....my lumpy body. 

I know you're thinking, "Jones just loose some weight and you can rock any bathing suit you want." 
Perhaps true but I will forever be afraid of the bathing suits.
Much like I will always be afraid of the shag hair cut. 

If it were up to me I'd wear a towel in the pool. 
My friend Kendra and I were talking today and
 we'd actually be just fine wearing a
 t-shirt and shorts. 
Maybe into the water, maybe not.
We haven't decided yet. 

I have resisted even looking for bathing suits online. 
I start to sweat just thinking about trying them on. 
I also don't have time to find a dressing room attendant I feel comfortable enough to weep openly with. 
That relationship takes time to build. 

What are you biggest bathing suit blunders?

I already can tell you I feel your pain. 


4 comments:

  1. I hear you on the bathing suit season sucks. I'm having some serious issues as well. I can't wear a two piece anymore and tankinis suck for the exact reason you said and I'm not sure I want a one piece either, there aren't a whole lot of cute ones for a reasonable price!

    But style wise what about a cute vintagy one piece?

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  2. I have a... different issue... with bathing suits. But one that still limits me to tankinis and bikinis. Which I hate because they all make me feel old! I don't really want to parade my issue to the whole Internet, but you can ask Marisa or I'll tell you sometime... the top 3 or 4 inches of my abdomen neeeed to be covered. I wish tankinis were back in style more so we'd have more choices!! I feel like I always end up dropping more money on a swimsuit too because of how picky I end up getting. BIKINIS WOULD BE SO EASY. DAMN YOU ALL BIKINI WEARING GIRLS. But not really. Y'all are cool.

    Last commenter was right though... there are some really cute vintagy one-pieces out right now! I guess we can thank Katy Perry for that. :) Good luck with the bathing suit shopping Jones! Also, super congrats on your 5K! Marisa told me about it. :)

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  3. Jonesy you are too funny :)

    I love it. I hate bathing suit shopping too!

    I really love your blog, I gave your blog an award, please do stop by my blog to accept it!

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