Jul 13, 2011

Adam Levine won't return my tweets...

There's been a lot going on lately.
So much so that I have neglected the blog that I love oh so much.
I thought I'd give you a summary of things that have been going on to catch you up!

First things first my bff/sorority sister got married!
Now I'm not saying the movie "27 Dresses" is loosely based on my life...
but "27 Dresses" is loosely based on my life.

I've been a bridesmaid in a few weddings & I love it.
The first wedding I was ever apart of was my friend's from college.
2 weeks before her wedding I shattered my ankle and looked like a transformer on her big day.
At this wedding I caught the bouquet.
Mainly because I put my crutches out to stop other lady scrubs from pouncing on it.
I was also on a lot of pain killers so my mind was a little foggy.
(please read as: I was a hot mess.)



Then last summer my best friend from middle school got married and I flew to CA to be apart of her big day. 
I found this dapper young gentleman and my night was easily made. 

This past wedding was also exceptionally fun!
Heather had a photo booth and to say that I monopolized a lot of time in there would be a gross understatement.

I also caught the bouquet at this wedding. However, it was unintentional.
Although I really tried to get the bouquet at Emily's wedding (again read: hot mess)
I have realized that catching the bouquet does not guarantee you a hunk.
The idea that you catch a beautiful bouquet of flowers and take it home to put in water is one thing.
However, when you put said flowers in water it does in no way sprout a man.
This is not a "Jack in the Bean Stalk" situation.

I have received the memo, after many failed attempts of waiting patiently for Jonathan Taylor Thomas to walk into my kitchen and pop the question..
(Yes I'm sticking with JTT because he was my first love, is still hot...and really what is he doing with his life right now? Not a whole lot. So being a stay at home dad shouldn't be a problem.)
But I digress.

As I said it was not my intent to catch the bouquet.
It was knocked into my hands because a woman jumped through the air like "Free Willy" over the wall to freedom in order to snatch the bouquet out of another woman's hands.
To give you an idea it looked a little like this:

It was intense. 
When she realized that she had knocked it out of her own reach and into my own hands she looked at me and said, 
"You should THANK ME."
So I did. 
I also gave her the garter I got. 
I didn't want to tell her it didn't matter who caught it. 
I felt like it would be like telling her Santa wasn't real. 
(Sorry for that spoiler alert...)

After returning to Philly Orienation Leader training started.
During a presentation a woman farted.
That rhyme was intentional.
It was also true.
A woman came in to present and while speaking let one rip.
I was proud of her for sticking it out for the rest of the presentation.
Had that have been me I would have started crying and left.
Although she couldn't hold the toot she held onto her pride.
I call that respectable.

We've also started actual Orienation.
We work long days (18 hrs) to be exact.
But it is probably some of the most fun I've ever had.
My job consists of working with 25 Orientation Leaders.
This is generally how they feel after Day 1 of Orientation but I don't blame them.

They make me laugh all day, every day. 
They also laugh at my jokes, which you know that I love. 


I also made my first Philly ER trip.
I've been having killer back pain lately and because I'm a professional WebMD I diagnosed myself with the following:

-Slipped disc
-Kidney Stone
-Floating Rib
-Punctured Lung
- My twin surfacing via my back

It turns out that everyone has floating ribs ...they're called your ribs. I had literally just made that up in my own head as an aliment.
Taylor and Ashley had bring me back to Earth and fill me on how the rib cage worked.
I'm now educated so should you have any questions shoot them my way.
I also thought I had the punctured lung due to the floating rib....again not possible.

The pain was fairly terrible and so I walked over to the hospital.
12 mother effing hours later I walked out without my twin and without shame.
They first started by telling me that they thought I had a blood clot.
They also tried to sooth me, by saying the tests they were taking were merely to make sure I wasn't going to die.
Literally the self proclaimed "JR doctor" held my hand and said,
"We're just doing these tests to make sure it's not going to kill you."

To say that I didn't start crying like Tori Spelling in a Lifetime movie would be a lie.
Because I did.
All night.

It was the only way anyone would come and talk to us about what the F was going on.
Luckily Barb Jones was in town for work and was there with me, because my wailing wasn't getting the job done on its own.
She policed that nursing station like she was on COPS and the nurses were drug dealers.

I'm now the proud owner of inflamed ribs, muscle relaxers, and hatred of all who call themselves "JR Doctors."
I watch "Grey's Anatomy" I know those aren't real.

Although that experience scarred me for life, the food in Philly may send me straight back to the hospital.
It is so good.
And it.is.everywhere.
Food trucks, restaurants, food trucks.
Did I mention food trucks?
They serve things like hash brown sandwiches and $1 egg rolls.
It is amazing.
When I come back to VA don't be surprised it if looks like I ate an actual food truck.
It is amazing.
There are fantastic restaurants that serve pancakes as big as your face.
I don't know where I'm going with this....but I just want you to know that the eatin' is good here.

Finally I would like to let you all know about a campaign I have started that I hold very near and dear to my heart.
After watching "The Voice" this summer and being a very huge fan of him for several years I have decided to launched a Twitter campaign to get Adam Levine to marry me.

I started out asking directly:
But he didn't answer.

Then I thought I'd just check in and let him know I knew he was coming to town...

Then I thought I'd butter him up a little bit...but I got nothing.
 
 Today after purchasing tickets to his show I thought I'd let him know I'd be around when he was in town...


Now I know what you're thinking.
"I should probably call the authorities about Jones..."
but I want to clarify that I do not want to cut locks of Adam's hair...I just want him to tweet me back.
He's a babe.
He also probably has already alerted the authorities himself.
But again I digress...

So if you're on Twitter and have a spare moment, help a sister out.
Let him know that @ashleyjonesy is a big fan.
Don't tell him I've caught two bouquets though.
That may make me look desperate for a man
 and as you can see through several of my tweets, desperate is not what I'm going for.
#sarcasm

And for those of you wondering Tim McGraw is still my #1 but he's married.
And I'm not getting any younger.
So, seriously Adam...marry me dude.






17 comments:

  1. bahaha I love it. Adam was super hot in The Voice, no lie!

    I wanna go to Philly that is on my 101 list! Gotta do it, we will actually prob come up sometime soon.. when are you coming back to va, we need to hang out.

    ok... good...

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  2. I don't really have words for how much I love this blog post. but I do.

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  3. I love you. like for real.

    if it makes you feel better, Jesse McCartney won't answer my tweets, either.

    and a girl I cocktail waitressed with her in VA Beach served adam and he took her on a date. he was a ca-reeeeper. and he likes jacked teeth.

    he's also really short.

    you're better off. ;)

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  4. hey, jones.

    i'm about to sit here at work and go through your whole blog archive. just thought you'd like to know.

    love,
    your newest follower.

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  5. Yay! Thanks for following! I'm excited to read your blog as well! -Jonesy

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  6. my drink was a sacrifice of that crazy bouquet catcher!

    my mom may be some stiff competition for adam! #nobig

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  7. Oh man. I've read two of your posts and I've already committed to favoriting you. It's done. You've been bookmarked. You had me laughing out loud like a nut in my office. :)

    PS> Love the pink car-stache.

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