Are you there God? It's me Jones.

Hello friends!

Since my last post I have moved back to VA. 

I'm super bummed about leaving Filet.

It was honestly the best summer I've ever had. 

No exaggeration. 

Before I start weeping into my keyboard and reminiscing about numerous group dance sessions with these fools: 

Let's move onnnn...

I feel that is important to share something with you. 

One of my last nights in Philly I went out with some of my friends. 

Things got a little out of hand.

Don't get me wrong I didn't get arrested

Or like rap battle with a homeless person 

(although I'm writing that on my bucket list as we speak...)

but enough libation was done that the next day I was pretty sure I saw the light. 

And I was heading right for it. 

Of course that was a day at work where there was a lot of talking and presenting and listening to important people talk and present. 

I was panicked. 

What if I make a fool out of myself 

(excuse this next part...)

& what if vom during a meeting?

I would never get hired again. 

So I did the only logical thing. 

I started making deals with the big Dude upstairs. 

I'm not a really religious person but I was that day. 

I started bartering. 

This is kind of how it went: 

Hey God, it's me Jones...are you home?

Oh good I'm glad I could catch you before lunch. 

So here's the thing. 

I'm feeling a little ....hungover. 

I was hoping you could maybe do me a solid and make it so that I don't do anything incredibly embarrassing during this meeting. 

What's in it for you? 

Oh well...I hadn't thought about that. 

What if I promise to be ok with being single until I'm 29? 

Wait no...28...

Ok 27. 

Let's settle on 27. 

I won't ask for you to point me in the direction of boyfriend material for 3 whole years. 

Does that sound like a deal? 

I guess it did because I made it through my day just fine. 

Ok yes I did wear a sweatshirt over my dress when I was at my desk because I was cold and weak:

but It's a trend that I'm sure will sweep the nation. 

The next day I started thinking...

I just promised 3 whole years of singlehood.

I mean granted it's not like I've had a whole lot of luck

24 years of being a party of 1 isn't so bad. 

Ok not 24 whole years I wasn't trying to find myself a boyfriend when I was 3. 

Although I did get married to a very nice boy in preschool. 

We had the marriage annulled. 

Our parents felt we were too young. 

Luckily we did have a lovely honeymoon on the swing set so it wasn't a total bust.

Three years is what I promised. 

Now I don't know if there a stipulations. 

I also know I didn't sign a binding contract...so hopefully there are some loop holes. 

Mainly because I want to be a girl on "Say Yes to the Dress" at some point before it goes off the air. 

Here's why: 

I feel like I would show what it's really like to try on a wedding dress. 

These women have these touching moments with their mothers where they cry because they've found the perfect dress. 

I know I'm going to cry with Barb but it's going to be because I'm sweating, crying about my lunch lady arms, and potentially because I need my inhaler.

True Life.

Barb assured me I would be beautiful but she also 

thought that this was beautiful in 5th grade: 

Yep. That's a mullet. 

And yup that's a shirt of Daffy Duck driving a taxi. 

I'm actually hoping that's the picture they show when they're doing my back story. 

I also want to be on the show to meet Randy

(source)

I'm just hoping that the show is on in three years. 

I want to be America's Sweaty Bridal Sweetheart.