Aug 19, 2011

Are you there God? It's me Jones.

Hello friends!
Since my last post I have moved back to VA. 
I'm super bummed about leaving Filet.
It was honestly the best summer I've ever had. 
No exaggeration. 
Before I start weeping into my keyboard and reminiscing about numerous group dance sessions with these fools: 
Let's move onnnn...

I feel that is important to share something with you. 

One of my last nights in Philly I went out with some of my friends. 
Things got a little out of hand.
Don't get me wrong I didn't get arrested
Or like rap battle with a homeless person 
(although I'm writing that on my bucket list as we speak...)
but enough libation was done that the next day I was pretty sure I saw the light. 
And I was heading right for it. 

Of course that was a day at work where there was a lot of talking and presenting and listening to important people talk and present. 
I was panicked. 
What if I make a fool out of myself 
(excuse this next part...)
& what if vom during a meeting?
I would never get hired again. 
So I did the only logical thing. 
I started making deals with the big Dude upstairs. 

I'm not a really religious person but I was that day. 
I started bartering. 
This is kind of how it went: 

Hey God, it's me Jones...are you home?
Oh good I'm glad I could catch you before lunch. 
So here's the thing. 
I'm feeling a little ....hungover. 
I was hoping you could maybe do me a solid and make it so that I don't do anything incredibly embarrassing during this meeting. 
What's in it for you? 
Oh well...I hadn't thought about that. 
What if I promise to be ok with being single until I'm 29? 
Wait no...28...
Ok 27. 
Let's settle on 27. 
I won't ask for you to point me in the direction of boyfriend material for 3 whole years. 
Does that sound like a deal? 

I guess it did because I made it through my day just fine. 
Ok yes I did wear a sweatshirt over my dress when I was at my desk because I was cold and weak:
but It's a trend that I'm sure will sweep the nation. 

The next day I started thinking...
I just promised 3 whole years of singlehood.
I mean granted it's not like I've had a whole lot of luck
24 years of being a party of 1 isn't so bad. 
Ok not 24 whole years I wasn't trying to find myself a boyfriend when I was 3. 
Although I did get married to a very nice boy in preschool. 
We had the marriage annulled. 
Our parents felt we were too young. 
Luckily we did have a lovely honeymoon on the swing set so it wasn't a total bust.

Three years is what I promised. 
Now I don't know if there a stipulations. 
I also know I didn't sign a binding contract...so hopefully there are some loop holes. 
Mainly because I want to be a girl on "Say Yes to the Dress" at some point before it goes off the air. 

Here's why: 

I feel like I would show what it's really like to try on a wedding dress. 
These women have these touching moments with their mothers where they cry because they've found the perfect dress. 
I know I'm going to cry with Barb but it's going to be because I'm sweating, crying about my lunch lady arms, and potentially because I need my inhaler.
True Life.
Barb assured me I would be beautiful but she also 
thought that this was beautiful in 5th grade: 

Yep. That's a mullet. 
And yup that's a shirt of Daffy Duck driving a taxi. 
I'm actually hoping that's the picture they show when they're doing my back story. 

I also want to be on the show to meet Randy


I'm just hoping that the show is on in three years. 
I want to be America's Sweaty Bridal Sweetheart. 



2 comments:

  1. waaaah, I'm going to miss reading about your adventures in my old stomping grounds! so glad it was a fun summer, though.

    and I'll totally watch SYTTD if you're on it. ;)

    p.s. I like the hair. AND the daffy shirt.

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  2. I'm so glad you didn't vom during that meeting. But from what you've told me...bodily functions are somewhat of a normality at those "important meetings." :)

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