Minding your p's and q's

To be quite honest I don't know what the "q" stands for in that saying but I am aware it has something to do with manners. 

Which as many of my friends will tell you, I have a ton of. 

Kind of. 

Let's continue...

I listen to a lot of music and sometimes I like to break down the lyrics to what they are truly saying. 

I think we've all done it. 

I've had numerous conversations with my friends about the song "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. 

I'm glad you'd throw your hand on a blade for me, but honestly Bruno, I'd like you to stop taking me to establishments where knife fights are so prevalent. 

You think I'm smiling to your face Bruno and then ripping the brakes out of your car?

Well point your finger elsewhere friend because I wouldn't even know where to begin to do that. 

And also if your body was on fire, I would tell you to stop, drop, and roll. 

Not watch you burn down in flames. 

Give me some credit. 

Lately I've heard a couple of songs where although the lyrics are fairly inappropriate, they use their manners before explicitly telling you what they wish to do. 

For example: "Give Me Everything Tonight" by Pitbull and Neyo

He says, "Excuse me,"

 (how polite)

Then he goes on to say, 

"I might drink a little more than I should tonight..." 

(Thanks for the warning...call a cab should things get crazy)

He proceeds...

"I might take you home with me if I could tonight, because we might not get tomorrow." 

(Ok, first, I was impressed by your polite, Excuse me, however now I'm getting a little creeped out. Why won't we get tomorrow? Are you potentially going to murder me? Is this quickly turning into a kidnapping situation? I'm now concerned. Your manners now sound insincere. Seriously why can't you promise me tomorrow? Do you know something I don't?)

Enrique Iglesias has that song "Tonight I'm Loving You" 

We all know there's another title. 

If you don't: 

Replace loving with the word that sounds like ducking but take off the d and add an f.

It's a riddle. 

Complex yet profound. 

Ok that's a stretch.

He says 

"Here's the situation been to every nation..."

(Really? All of them? I'd like to see your passport.")

He continues...

"Nobody's ever made me feel the way that you do..."

(Oh well that is nice of you...I didn't know you felt that way...I'm truly honored by that please excuse my passport comment...do go on sir.)

Then...

"You know my motivation..."

(For a future together?)

"Given my reputation..."

(As far as I know your reputation is that of being one's hero)

"Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude,"

(Oh not at all! These are very nice things you are saying. I feel the same. Since you got rid of that huge mole I'm definitely in to seeing where this is going....)

"But tonight I'm f#$*'in you."

(Well I did not see that one coming...)

Just because you start off politely, if you end with something profane, it doesn't make it OK. 

I mean I laugh hysterically

and applaud the effort,

but still--rude. 

I leave you with the following clip to really drive home my point:

Actually after watching that again
perhaps I should check into the Geneva Convention...

Another successful encounter with a man...

The other day my best friend Sara and I went to the fine establishment that is Subway. 

We started talking about my ideal guy. 

Sara said, 

"What would your perfect guy even look like?"

To which I replied, 

"Well he'd look a lot like that guy right there."

Normally when I say that it's usually someone who looks like this:

or this...

usually this...

But this time he was legitimately precious. 

So I pointed (so she knew precisely who I was talking about) and spoke in my naturally loud squeaky voice and said, 

"HE'D LOOK LIKE HIM. RIGHT THERE. IN THE BLUE SHIRT. HE'S PERFECT."

We casually continued our conversation about Blue Shirt and how I wanted him to be funny, like sports, and smell nice. 

I'm not saying I was going to kidnap this gentleman, put him in my basement and make a skin suit out of him. 

I was just putting out to the universe that he was a babe and I was single. 

I didn't think anything of it. 

It looked like he was employed (bonus) and was on the move (productive). 

A quick lunch. 

Much to my surprise he was not taking his order to go. 

He was taking it to the table right next to mine occupied by another hunk of a gentleman who had been eating by himself for a good 10 to 12 minutes. 

A gentleman who heard my whole conversation. 

A gentleman who then turned to Blue Shirt and said, 

"Hey, that girl right there thinks you're cute." 

Blue Shirt looked over right at the same time I was pointing to him, telling Sara he was coming closer. 

Sara informed me of the conversation between friends and the fact that he saw me pointing. 

That is when I gathered up my things and exited Jared's establishment. 

I'm going to be single forever. 

Also news flash to everyone Jonathan Taylor Thomas is now on Twitter. 

So naturally my twitter campaign has begun. 

Still no word back but if you could maybe drop a line over to 

@JonTThomas

I'd appreciate it. 

Apparently Adam Levine is too busy skankin' it up with his "blonde model" girlfriend to tweet me back:

You can take the time to take your pants off Adam but you can't take the time to tweet 140 characters to me? 

Cuts me deep. 

Real deep. 

And now I'm rollin in the deep Adam. 

You had my heart and soul in your hands. 

And you played it...

to the beat...

We could have had it all Adam...

alright I'll stop. 

What I'm saying is. 

JTT seems sensitive and maybe has a little more time on his hands to tweet a sister back. 

We'll see how it goes. 

I would also like to let you all know that I've finally purchased one of the best apps in existence of man kind. 

It's called Cat Paint. 

It was 99 cents. 

And worth every penny. 

Need some proof as to why it's awesome:

I rest my case.