Before I start I want to let you know something.
I'll do my best to not cry like this while I reveal my deepest darkest secret:
I kinda cheated on "The Bachelor" last night.
Only a little bit though you guys.
I watched some of "The Voice" on commercials.
There I said it.
It's out there.
Hopefully you can love me through it.
My viewing party looked a little like this:
I ate cake out of a cat cup.
While rocking a fancy side pony & TMNT shirt.
The ladies were in Panama this week.
Ben took my favorite Kacie B. on a 1:1 date.
To a deserted island.
You wanna know how they got there?
I'll give you a guess.
It rhymes with shmellicopter.
They had to take a boat, a ride on a dolphin fin, and then body surf into the actual date location I think because it seemed like the longest commute ever.
When they finally got there Ben revealed that he brought a machete.
Be still my heart.
They caught a fish in a net. Made out.
She got a rose.
Leading up to the group date Courtney said, "skinny dipping" about 48 times.
Because I don't know if you know this but she skinny dipped with Ben last week.
Everything that had water was a new place they could skinny dip according to her.
"That puddle over there...a great spot."
"That bird bath...could be naked in it no problem."
"The pool...too easy...but yes I'd be naked in it with Ben."
"I could stand next to this water fountain naked while Ben splashed me...naked."
I mean jeez girl. Act like ya been there before.
They took a boat
(so low rent)
to an abandoned island.
It could be my hillbilly roots shining thru but it totally looked like the beginning of an episode of
I thought about it for a second and then realized asking Courtney to hold any weapon was a bad idea.
They "stumbled" upon an island of natives and hung out with them for the day.
Coincidentally they had just enough traditional garb for everyone.
Including a loin cloth for Ben.
Courtney ran with the phrase "When in Rome..."
and went bikini-less when changing into her new gifts from the pretty awesome natives.
(But seriously they looked awesome)
I mean it was a smart move. But also a skank move.
I have a feeling she just got confused as she is probably used to taking off her shirt for beads:
It was so uncomfortable.
We get it.
You're in it to win it
and if you don't win it you're going to set the rest of the girls on fire.
But easy does it girlfriend.
Emily at one point tried to make amends with Courtney for being a nosey Nelly.
Courtney took it surprisingly well.
Just kidding she freaked out and told Emily she was officially an enemy.
At some point she also invited Ben back to her room later in the evening.
She waited for him as a thunder storm raged on in the backround.
She started talking about how she'd been hurt before and couldn't trust men.
My previous prediction that she was going to be a bunny boiler is about to come to fruition folks.
She is one step away from holding his grandma for ransom.
I just know it.
Blakeley and Rachel were the 2 on 1 date.
Which meant that someone had to go at the end.
Blakeley was PUMPED for the date.
She was excited to spend more time with Ben and didn't give a what what that she had to also spend time with Rachel.
The girls were gifted a dress for their Salsa dancing class.
Blakeley acted like she won a bag full of diamonds.
I made this comparison:
She also revealed to Ben her scrapbook she'd been making for him since day one:
Apparently that was just enough to say,
"Thanks but no thanks."
Kasey S. was sent home for being in love with some dude named Michael back home.
It was so dumb.
I thought she had done a "Sister Sister" switcharoo or something.
Or had a secret kid.
Or a tail.
I would have accepted any of them.
At the rose ceremony Jamie, bless her heart, tried to kiss Ben.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
I could barely watch it.
I had to switch back and forth because my skin was on fire.
I was so so so embarassed for her.
She kept saying "Ben didn't know what's about to happen."
She then "coached" him on how the kiss was going to go.
I can't even...
It was just...
I felt like Ricky Bobby:
It was so bad.
So she went home.
And will most likely be embarrassed for the rest of her life.
Overall it was kind of an off week for the Bach.
I'm next week they reel me back in a little bit more because I gotta tell ya knowing that my boo Adam is on just a channel change away is real tempting.
Who are we kidding.
I'll tune in.
I can't quit Ben.