Now hiring full time chaperone

I'm searching for a job. 

This whole grad school experience is leading up to a full time position at an institution of higher learning. 

I'll be entrusted with students and their development, and one day may even be the one in charge. 

So in this job hunt I've been working to become more of an adult. 

To prove to myself and all my friends and family that I'm not some 25 year old goob.

It's not going well you guys. 

For instance tonight I spent a good 20 minutes trying to figure out how to make this my text tone:

I also spent a better portion of the evening eating pizza and watching MTV with my roommate Eric.

I also recognized that the top three emails in my inbox consisted of two order confirmations from Jimmy Johns (my lunch) and Pizza Hut (my dinner), and the delivery of my Hunger Games ringtone. 

I have sent my cover letter to friends and family to proof read with the subject title as: I can haz job?

a la:

I start emails to my supervisor, "Dear Traceface..."

I had to force myself not to talk like Barbara, Janelle's mom from "Teen Mom 2," when I had a student with the last name "Kieffer"come in for a resume review.

It was painful for me to turn down the opportunity to yell, 

"I KNOW YOU BEEN HANGING AROUND WIT KIEFFAH JANELLE!"

Painful.

So in an attempt to really steer myself in the right direction I took advantage of a Groupon (a very adult thing to do) and ordered professional thank you cards and an engraved pen to take with me on interviews and such. 

I did it all by myself. 

Unsupervised. 

When Sara was done with her meeting I showed her all of my purchases. 

When I showed her my new fancy pen she gasped out loud. 

Which made me think, 

"Dang Sara is real jealous of my fly writing utensil. Score one for me."

Then she said, 

"Ashley...you spelled your name wrong."

That I did. 

Ashey A. Jones here, at your service.