Sometimes I think what would happen if I was entered into "The Hunger Games."
No? Literally just me?
I'm not going to lie to you all. I'd die.
And real quick.
There isn't much I can do in terms of the woods.
I tried to show my friends in Philly how I could catch a squirrel for dinner.
It ended me just chasing it around a tree for inappropriate amount of time while they stood back and laughed at me.
Come on dude, you're making me look like a jerk.
I can't create a fire...
Nothing to see here guys, just warming up.
So I'd probably die warming my hands near one of the other tribute's...
I can't climb trees.
I clearly don't know how to hunt.
I certainly can't be quiet.
I like being around people.
I like napping whenever I want.
All of these things would contribute to my downfall but the biggest factor would be one thing and one thing only:
My love of Diet Pepsi.
I love it so much you guys.
Although I am dehydrated already because of my ungodly consumption, making me used to that sensation, it will be the literal death of me.
I know that the Game Makers would put a 24 pack of cans right near the Cornucopia and I know for a fact that I would run right for it.
If I didn't get stabbed or whatever before I got there I would definitely get hit running away with it.
I mean that junk is heavy.
Plus I'd probably just walk very quickly.
(I wouldn't want to shake the soda. It ruins it.)
If I did make it out of that opening alive I'd probably get shot down by someone late night, while I crack a can open.
I told one of my coworkers today about my imminent demise via DP and she told me I could use the box of cans as a shield.
I looked at her with cold eyes, and said:
"What if the cans got punctured. Then I still lose."
I mean sure I could probably get away with a few days of living in the arena based on a couple good days of jokes should I get in with the right crowd, but it's more likely there would be a canon shot and my face in the sky roughly 20 minutes after everything started.
Realizing that I'm a weak tribute I did go for a walk yesterday.