Jul 17, 2012

The Men Tell All...

First I want to start by saying "Hi!" to all the new readers. 
All of your comments about how you like this silly thing are so great and you don't know how much they make my day. 
But seriously I read them to my best friend. 
Y'all are the besttttttttttttttttt. 

Now on to this week's "Bachelorette." 

 I would like to share where I watched the episode. 
As of this past Friday I now live in Philadelphia! 
I'm really excited to be here and very excited about my new job. 
It's also awesome because I'm super close to my two favorite Bachelorette watching buddies Joe and Jill. 
When I sat down to watch with Jill in my new apartment it was brought to my attention that ABC is completely snowy and staticky...basically unwatchable. 
I panicked. 
Then I realized I had access to Joe's apartment so we broke in and watched it on his couch while he was still at work. 
That's not creepy right?

Normally I don't watch the reunion shows because it's just a lot of yelly women and dudes. 
However, because I am so creepily invested in this season- I did. 
There wasn't too much that happened but I did notice a few things.

Here is my hodge podge of ideas in no particular organized manner:

Starting with Chris Harrison. 
Jill mentioned that she thinks that she could date him. 
I, on the other hand, think the dates would go like this:
Chris: "Hello Ashley. Welcome to our date."
Then he would disappear while I ate. 
When I was done he'd come back in and say, 
"Ashley this concludes our date."
After which he would open my car door for me and send me home. 
As long as he paid for dinner...I think I could be OK with it. 

They talked to Foxface. 
He has rage issues. 
He seems like a fartface on "Bachelor Pad." 
I might get sucked in to that too. 
 Are other people going to watch?
I've never seen it. 
Is it worth it? 
Please advise. 

I noticed that when the guys were talking about Emily they kept referring to her as "that girl" or "this girl." I don't really get that but hey whatever. 

Did anyone else notice how there were guys on stage that literally were never talked to?
I saw 2 separate guys who I have never seen in my life. 
I don't have time for imposters. 

When they talked to Kalon, everyone booed and it made me giggle so hard. 
Then when Emily came out and ripped him a new one, I clapped. 
She may have broken my heart and Sean's but she is a stand up lady. 
Good for her. 
Kalon also looked so pissed that he got yelled at by a woman on TV.
So he's probably going to start a killing spree soon. 
Coming to an episode of "Criminal Minds" near you, ex-reality dating contestant goes on rampage to avenge his unused helicopter. 
I'd watch it. 

Also does Ryan look 1. Darker and 2. Fatter and Older?
He's a dummy. 
Like super stupid but dammit can he grow a beard.
I really enjoyed how Chris Harrison assured everyone that he would not be the next Bachelor. 
In yo face sucka. 

When they talked to Sean I'm fairly certain that not only my heart but the hearts of 1,000 tiny angels also broke when he talked about how he loved Emily but respected her and her decision. 
He also mentioned that he was ready for love, which is weird becausssssssse, so am I. 

I know next week is going to be a doozy. 
I have heard/read some things and I don't know what to believe. 
I don't know who I can trust. 
I'm emotional about it. 

I did think it was super precious when Jef(f) in the preview for the finale said he could hold Emily's hand till they were 110. 
Did I tear up?
Should you judge me for it?

I can't wait for SUNDAY!
If you feel like it tweet me during it. 
I'll be glued to Twitter and ABC for 3 hours. 
You can find me @ashleyjonesy

I apologize in advance if Arie wins. 
Because I will be using foul language. 
And maybe uploading a picture of my middle finger. 
Don't say I didn't warn you.


  1. A: No, don't get invested in the Bachelor Pad. It completely undoes the genuine quest for love thing that the Bachelor tries to capitalize on. It is the reason for Courtney's and Ben's. Also characters that you might actually like (like Lindzi Cox) seem to become grotesque money/sex sleezes and it's a little depressing. I like my facades, thank you.

    B: I also feel emotional about all the contrasting spoilers. I feel like the only person I could trust was Emily, but after sending Sean home, I'm not so sure anymore. That being said, I'm scared she's going to be with Jef, dump Jef, and then be with Sean. Which would be so sad for me.

    C: My sister said Chris (Foxface) looks like what earwax smells like.

  2. Let me know when the ojones stops covering shows. Your irl is more entertaining!

  3. You forgot to mention your first love Charlie.

  4. You should absolutely, without a doubt, watch Bachelor Pad. I have watched the past two seasons and this one looks like the best yet. It really is quality trashy tv...and who doesn't need a little bit of that in their lives?!

  5. Bachelor Pad is hilarious! I can only imagine the things that you would say about it in the blog. It is trashy tv, but trashy tv is usually the best tv for judging.

  6. ahhhahaha i wish the bachelor was all year round so we could have witty recaps!
    congrats on the job!

  7. hilarious. those were exactly my thoughts, especially about the darker, fatter, older, and well-bearded

  8. BAHAHAHAHAHA oh my gosh you are HILARIOUS! I'm pretty sure you just downloaded all of my thoughts into a post. Legit.
    "Foxface"!!!! YES! I always thought that his face didn't look normal-human like but couldn't figure out what it was...actually "Frog" came to my mind more often than not lol
    And the BachelorPad is a must watch for sure. It's total trash and drama-fest, but that's what makes it so great!

  9. Thank you for providing my favorite post of the week. Tears of laughter have been included. Hats off.
    :) Anna

  10. P.s. I kind of love that you said "fart face"...

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