I read a lot of blogs about fitness.
I read them because it makes me feel like I've done a work out.
I usually read while eating.
Some magazines call that "fueling your body."
Others would call that being a troll on your couch.
I say, "Shut up and get out of my life."

However, I've come to the conclusion that although knowledge is power, me reading isn't really helping get rid of these lunch lady arms.

Last week I blogged about going to kick boxing for the first time.
And thank you all for the suggestions about the double bra, and the encouragement to keep going.
It seriously made my week.

I went back this week.
I got better.
Marginally, but still better.
So we'll call it a win.
I'm still off on all the counts and don't really understand what's happening until it's almost over.
I'm going to give it ONE more shot before we break up and I start seeing other cardio type classes.
Like that seductive mistress that is Zumba.

I wanted to try my hand at another group fitness class.
My friend Colleen at the Lunchbox Diaries has mentioned
 how much she loves Body Pump.
Colleen is cool so I thought that I would try it.

Body Pump is essentially a weights based class.
It tones you and works all your muscles.
All of them.
Like ones you didn't know you had.
(Editor's note: I had to look up what the exact purpose of Body Pump was because I would have just said, "Lift heavy things and stuff and sweat and terrible.")

I knew the class was going to be challenging. 
I knew it. 
That didn't make it any easier. 
The instructor was one of those girls who's like super pretty and can wear head bands that don't fling off her head the minute she turns it. 
(Is that just a problem I have because seriously...those bad boys are like impossible to keep on. 
Maybe it's because my brain is so full of knowledge. That's totally it.) 

I was immediately intimidated by her. 
  She told us to go get our weights which my friend MacKenzie was kind enough to help me with. 

You have to grab a bar, and a total of 6 weights. 
You also have to get a bench.
I'm not lying to you when I say that women were assembling their weight stations like they were a freaking Nascar Pit Crew. 
Meanwhile I'm in my spot, all:

 The class was starting. 

People were beginning to exercise and I was still putting it all together:
A live action shot of me can be found below:

When I was finally ready the first set was almost over. 
The second set involved us taking the weights BACK OFF. 
Yeah, that's right, the ones we JUST put on. 
So it was back to me fumbling around on the ground while other people were lifting double their chest weight. 
Do you not know what that means? 
Me either. 
Any time she would specify the weight we needed I would sigh heavily and wipe the tears sweat from my eyes. 

The worst part was when we had to do a dip that worked our triceps. 
You basically hang your butt over the edge of your bench and push up and down. 
I froze. 
Literally froze. 
The instructor looked me dead in the eyes and said to "the group"
I wanted to yell, 
But I just envisioned me kicking the weights out of her hand a la Alan instead:

I didn't even know where to begin. 
I was convinced that if I tried it I would make a complete fool of myself. 
So I just sat there. 
Staring at the instructor as she preached about pushing limits. 
It was kind of a bummer. 
I didn't even try. 

As the class went on I was kind of frustrated at myself for my lack of coolness. 
In kickboxing I could at least make people around me giggle by doing my own little choreography. 
In Body Pump there's no place to hide when you drop a weight on the ground.
And it's really hard to storm out in a huff when you have so much effing equipment to put away. 

 I was convinced that I was never coming back. 
When I realized I totally gave up on myself, I became determined to make it work. 
So I'm gonna go back to Body Pump.
And I'm going to keep going until I can do one tricep dip. 
Yeah, one. 
Let's not get crazy. 

Colleen told me after about the 3rd time you start to get the hang of it and gave me some tips for future classes. 
So I'm trusting her. 
But so help me if it doesn't improve, I'm reporting her blog as spam. 


  1. I have a love/hate relationship with body pump. Mostly hate. I would much rather be kickbox dancing than body pumping. Do what you like. I am enjoying your adventures in fitness, keep em coming!

  2. It will get easier!! I was so confused and lagging behind the first few classes. Keep it up! (And don't threaten me with spam! ;) )

  3. This is so hilarious! I love your writing.

  4. It's so much less intimidating to go in the morning because there are only like 5 people. Let's go! Fred will be over to wake you up on Monday morning :)

  5. Found you through Grace's blog and you are hilarious. Seriously, way to go with this, I would never even try.

  6. on my third read of the day. still laughing out loud.

    hopefully I'm creeping you out -- because that is my goal.

  7. I found you at Camp Patton, and I just want to say that you are hilarious and wonderful! Who hasn't experienced what you describe at their first "fitness" class? I know I haven't not. You are going to keep me busy at work, too! THANKS!

  8. Every once in a while, I think about joining a gym. And then I don't.

    You are doing such a good job! And your writing is so funny. I found you through Grace and am so glad I stopped by!

  9. This is exactly why I won't go to Fitness Classes. That and they charge for child care, which adds up if you have four. But its mostly the awkward new girl in the class that I can't get over...

  10. Ha! Love this post, and so glad Grace introduced me to you. New follower here!!

  11. OK, you are hilarious! Keep up the exercising, and PLEASE keep up the blogging!

  12. This was great!!! I am TOTALLY that person that sits there confused when any type of choreography is involved (yes, I consider kickboxing moves to be in that category). I do some boxing with Jillian Michaels at home and I end up just dancing in place...But good for you for keeping up with Body Pump! I'll have to try that sometime.

  13. Yes! I feel the burn -- and who EVER woke up one day and thought "yeah -- feel the burn -- that sounds like fun!"? I SO enjoyed your writing! I discovered you on as a fellow newbie, and I am so glad I did!
    Keep on keeping on! :)

  14. I just can't thank you enough for being my comedic relief this monday morning. Please keep writing. You have a gift! Seriously.
    And I am so glad I am not the only one who considers watching others post workout photos as a workout. ;)

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