I've Got Beef
I'm about to break it down for everyone.
I love love.
I love happy couples.
I love weddings.
Hell I'm in one in 2 days for my best friend Jess:
I love it when 2 people get together and unite as one in holy matrimony and let me get in a photo booth for hours on end.
THAT'S WHAT TRUE LOVE IS ALL ABOUT PEOPLE.
It's no secret that I get emotionally attached to couples on television.
I have made that abundantly clear in many of my blog posts.
When I found out that Katie Holmes talked to Joshua Jackson I started preparing their wedding invitations.
To confirm, the names on the invitation read: Pacey Witter and Joey Potter.
When Matt Saracen & Julie Taylor got engaged on "Friday Night Lights" I looked online to see where they registered, because "Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose" would look sensational monogrammed onto a kitchen towel sold at Crate & Barrel.
When people have cute engagement pictures and post them online, I sob over my bag of potato chips and how precious they are.
(I'm definitely sobbing at the cuteness, and not the fact that I'm 25 single, and the last guy to message me on OKCupid told me how "NyCe my LiPz b.")
I love couples.
Love them.
However, I would like to send a message to a specific kind of couple taking their love to the streets and couples of the world that I'm invested in.
First street couples.
You may not know me, so let me introduce myself.
My name is Jones.
I'm really happy that you're in love.
Like so happy for you.
However, when walking down a crowded street it is OK for you to separate hands for single folks to pass in between you.
Although Red Rover was a fun game to play when I was in 3rd grade, being closed lined by you two love birds is truly infuriating.
We're all walking down the street, not trying to get in the last remaining life boat together on the Titanic.
Letting go for one second isn't going to send your boyfriend/girlfriend to the bottom of the ocean.
To couples of the world that I've invested my time in.
Please read: Jef(f) & Emily.
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?
REALLY YOU GUYS?
YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT WORK?
I believed in you.
I stalked your instagram/Twitter accounts uncontrollably.
I ALMOST CANCELLED MY MEMBERSHIP TO US WEEKLY BECAUSE I WAS CONVINCED THEY WERE SPOUTING LIES ABOUT YOU.
WHO IS GOING TO CONTINUE COACHING RICKI'S SOCCER TEAM-THE STRING BEANS?
DID YOUR TRIP TO AFRICA MEAN NOTHING?!
I am fully aware that I'm typing in all CAPS about a couple that based their relationship on who got a pretty red flower each week but dammit that was a good 3 months of my life.
I do this every time.
I get so invested.
I fall for their stories.
I think it's precious when they fall in love.
And then just like that with no consideration of my feelings, they end it.
Sure, whatever, they'll remain friends and still talk.
WILL THEY THOUGH? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO REMAIN FRIENDS WHEN YOU DON'T FOLLOW EACH OTHER ON TWITTER?
Real friends @reply to other friends jokes.
That's how it works jerks.
I would like to point out that while America was in the middle of watching the Presidential Debates I was expressing my disdain for the break up.
Joe then pointed out how I was really tackling the tough issues:
I'm upset America.
Real upset.
Yes....I did make that.
You're welcome.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
ReplyDeleteAt least I heard it from a friend. An internet friend.
You. Are. Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAnnnnnd, now I'm going to get in trouble for laughing at work.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's advice when I get too emotionally involved in celebrity stuff? "Why do you care about them, they don't care about you". He's a wise man, that one.
I've been waiting for you to address the Jemily separation and...it hurts. Everyone is texting me and FB-ing me with NEENER NEENER NEENER-ish sentiments. And then Jef(f) went to play golf with Arie in AZ last night?! COME THE HELL ON. OK, so I get overly attached to celeb couples. Sorry I'm not sorry. We should probably start some sort of post-Jemily breakup "It gets better" campaign. Thoughts?
ReplyDeleteYou and me are made for each other dude. M.F.E.O.
DeleteThank you for tackling this! I thought of you right away when I saw the news, I am not joking! Maybe a memorial tribute page, like for obits?
ReplyDeleteOMG, you never fail to make me laugh! Btw, I'm not sure how this will make you feel, but when I read that they split up, one of the first people I thought of was you. Yes, we've never talked or met, but in my mind Emily, Jef, and Ashley all went together. I say you sneak in and comfort Jef's broken heart!
ReplyDeleteAlso, speaking of street couples that go to far, did you read this in the news the other day?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/fla-couple-sex-restaurant-table-article-1.1185496
I'm stalking his instagram account like it's nobody's business. I'm all over it.
DeleteJones- My friend just passed along your blog and I could not stop laughing last night. You are an amazing witty writer! I loved your comment about not letting go of each others hands and possibly sinking to the bottom of the ocean...haha. Anyways, I want to tell all my friends about your blog, because you are hilarious! Would you be interested in guest posting on my blog? If so, just shoot me an email! I hope you can!!
ReplyDeleteSheila! Thank you so much! I'd love to do a guest post. That would be awesome! You're the best.
DeleteThis is the best post that is out on the internet.
ReplyDeleteDid I write this in my sleep?
Because I feel the same way.
Jef with one F was my favorite from day one...now, I feel like we should all just probably give up.
For good.
REMEMBER THE MARIONETTES!?!?
God, that was cute.
OMG. That was precious. Why do they have to play us like that? WHY AUB?
Deletenike air max
ReplyDeletenike huarache
ralph lauren outlet
christian louboutin
toms outlet
uggs outlet
jordans for sale
polo ralph lauren
ugg outlet
hollister clothing
jordan shoes
marc jacobs
ugg outlet store
swarovski jewelry
polo ralph lauren
nike running shoes
ugg clearance
chanel handbags
oakley sunglasses
ugg boots
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton outlet
gucci outlet
timberland boots
nike air max
pandora jewelry
uggs on sale
cheap oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
20151114yuanyuan
kobe shoes
ReplyDeletecheap nfl jersey
ray ban outlet
air jordan 11
snapbacks wholesale
tory burch outlet online
mlb jerseys
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
beats headphones
toms outlet
true religion jeans sale
true religion outlet
louis vuitton bags cheap
winter coats
lebron shoes
tiffany and co
burberry outlet
black friday 2015
ferragamo shoes
1226
kobe 8
ReplyDeletecoach outlet online
michael kors outlet
north face
tory burch shoes
coach outlet store online clearance
michael kors outlet
cheap ugg boots
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
oakley outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
louboutin femme
uggs on sale
michael kors outlet
cheap air max
uggs sale
michael kors outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
gucci handbags
marc jacobs handbags
michael kors handbags
true religion outlet
louis vuitton outlet
discount ugg boots
louis vuitton outlet
air jordans
true religion jeans outlet
michael kors outlet
tod's shoes
tory burch shoes
the north face jackets
louis vuitton purses
michael kors handbags
canada goose outlet
beats solo
oakley sunglasses
2016123yuanyuan
ugg boots uk
ReplyDeletekobe basketball shoes
nfl jerseys
cheap ralph lauren
basketball shoes,cheap basketball shoes,nike basketball shoes,cheap jordan basketball shoes
ralph lauren uk
kobe shoes
http://www.cheapnfljerseysstorechina.com
air jordan retro
http://www.tiffanyandcooutletonline.us.com
tiffany and co outlet
michael kors outlet online
mlb jerseys authentic
toms outlet
toms outlet store
nike kobe sneakers
adidas nmd uk
michael kors outlets
http://www.huaracheshoes.uk
fitflops clearance
gg
ralph lauren outlet
ReplyDeletecoach outlet online
louis vuitton outlet online
bottega veneta sale
ugg boots
cartier
cheap oakleys
cheap ray ban sunglasses
fitflops
christian louboutin uk
gucci handbags outlet
nike huarache
omega speedmaster
ray bans
nike tn pas cher
coach factory outlet online
hollister uk
adidas superstar white
ed hardy uk
true religion outlet
hollister clothing store
mont blanc pens outlet
birkenstock shoes
lacoste polo shirts
nike flyknit racer
hollister kids
true religion outlet store
north face uk
babyliss hair dryer
michael kors outlet online
cheap nfl jerseys
gucci outlet online
nhl jerseys wholesale
polo ralph lauren outlet
puma outlet
nba jerseys wholesale
stan smith adidas
true religion jeans outlet
wholesale nike shoes
oakley sunglasses
chenzhen20160531
2016-06-13keyun
ReplyDeletecheap ray ban sunglasses
coach factory outlet online
timberlands
christian louboutin shoes
cheap jordan shoes
louis vuitton handbags
tory burch outlet
coach outlet clearance
nike outlet
air jordan shoes
retro 11
michael kors bags
tods sale
cheap toms shoes
coach factory outlet online
gucci bags
coach outlet store online clearances
jordan 6s
louis vuitton handbags
louboutin shoes
michael kors outlet online
hollister clothing
michael kors outlet clearance
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors purses
louis vuitton outlet
nike store
nike air force 1 shoes
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren sale
hollister jeans
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
coach factory outlet
coach factory outlet online
cheap oakley sunglasses
michael kors purses
louis vuitton handbags
toms outlet
http://www.raybanglasses.in.net
ReplyDeleteoakley vault
nike huarache
nike huarache
cheap oakley sunglasses
cheap nfl jerseys
http://www.chromehearts.in.net
michael kors outlet online
ugg outlet
nike huaraches
toms outlet store
jordans for cheap
ray ban uk,cheap ray ban sunglasses
http://www.oakley-sunglass.in.net
cheap uggs
fitflops sale
oakley sunglasses,oakley outlet sunglasses
cheap true religion jeans
2016708meiqing
ReplyDeletebirkenstock sandals
cheap jerseys wholesale
adidas gazelle
vans shoes
mizuno running shoes
the north face
supra shoes
stephen curry shoes
cheap jordan shoes
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren outlet online
nike cortez red
louis vuitton outlet
tory burch outlet
versace shoes
true religion jeans
nike tn
birkenstock sandals
michael kors outlet online
michael kors handbags
pandora charms
timberlands
adidas nmd
canada goose
coach outlet store
mont blanc pens
dolce and gabbana outlet
rolex watches
ray ban sunglasses
kate spade
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses discount
polo outlet
michael kors outlet
burberry sale
yeezy boost 350
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
ReplyDeleteprada handbags
true religion jeans
coach outlet store online
cheap jordans
coach outlet
seattle seahawks jerseys
uggs on sale
toms shoes
jordans
giuseppe zanotti
jordans for sale
true religion outlet
coach outlet store online
louis vuitton outlet
christian louboutin shoes
louis vuitton handbags
canada goose
fitflop sandals
nike basketball shoes
ugg outlet
coach outlet online
ugg boots
kate spade outlet
kevin durant shoes 8
louis vuitton outlet
jordan femme pas cher
hermes handbags
canada goose jackets
oakley vault
coach factory outlet
louis vuitton handbags
jordan 8
jordan shoes
louis vuitton outlet
burberry outlet
louis vuitton outlet
adidas nmd
adidas superstar
gucci
20168.31wengdongdong
new york knicks jersey
ReplyDeleteadidas nmd runner
cheap oakley sunglasses
rolex replica watches
replica watches
ecco
michael kors outlet online
michael kors handbags clearance
michael kors handbags
michael kors handbags
reebok shoes
ReplyDeletecheap nfl jerseys
redskins jerseys
converse shoes
michael kors outlet online
colts jerseys
titans jersey
nike store
fitflops sale clearance
kobe 9
fitflops sale clearance
ReplyDeletefitflops
nike huarache
kobe basketball shoes
nike air zoom
cheap jordans
adidas ultra boost
michael kors handbags
nike zoom
lacoste outlet
michael kors outlet
ReplyDeletemichael kors factory outlet
michael kors outlet store
adidas ultra boost uncaged
chrome hearts online
nike air max thea
adidas stan smith shoes
adidas nmd uk
air jordan
longchamp
cheap ray bans
ReplyDeletekobe 9 elite
jacksonville jaguars jersey
coach outlet
ugg boots
ugg boots
jordan shoes
basketball shoes
fitflops sale clearance
ugg boots
Air Jordan
ReplyDeleteAir Jordan 9
Air Jordan 4
Kyrie Shoes
Red Bottom Shoes
Yeezy boost 350 v2
Air Jordan 11
Air Max 270
Pandora Jewelry
Pandora Outlet
Rodney20180910
Great Article Image Processing Projects Deep Learning Projects for Final Year JavaScript Training in Chennai JavaScript Training in Chennai The Angular Training covers a wide range of topics including Components, Angular Directives, Angular Services, Pipes, security fundamentals, Routing, and Angular programmability. The new Angular TRaining will lay the foundation you need to specialise in Single Page Application developer. Angular Training Project Centers in Chennai
ReplyDelete