Nov 12, 2012

Danger: I'm real hungry

On this blog I've written about group exercise, running a 5k, and how much I love food. 
The past month I've worked hard on Weight Watchers.
Some days have been better than others for sure. 
I've been teaching myself how to cook and bake and all that stuff and I'm proud of myself for that. 

Like I've said in the past I read a lot of healthy living blogs, while eating a whole sleeve of Oreos. 
Lately I've been using some of their tips. 
Applesauce instead of oil. 
Sugar free stuff. 
I haven't died. 
A lot of times...and by no means every time...the food tastes pretty good. 

I've lost some weight in the past month. 
Not enough to notice. 
Please believe when you're a thicky thicky thick girl, losing those first few pounds is like throwing deck chairs off the Titanic. 
And that's pretty discouraging. 

There are a lot of times during the day where I'm budgeting my points and then all of a sudden a french fry parade comes rolling through campus and I'm loudly cursing Jennifer Hudson. 
I mean she didn't do anything to me personally but dammit how does she make weight loss look so easy? 

There are some days where I'm measuring things and I'm like 
"yeahhhhh portions, suck it world I'm a grown up." 
And then other days you would think I'm making meth the way my hands are shaking reaching in for the 7 tortilla chips I'm rationed by the man. 
The man being Weight Watchers. 

The past 4 days I would have what the counselors on "Intervention" call a bender. 
If it was edible...
Crunchy enough for me to make edible...
Stale or fresh...
I ate it. 
Pizza Hut?
12 points a slice?
Hell yeah, jump on in my face. 

Chinese food?
Full of sodium?
Egg rolllll on in my belly. 

Carrot cake?
Carrots are zero points. 
I shall eat all of it. 

Salsa?
That's zero points. 
Mind as well put it on a Chimichanga. 
I have been a ravenous beast and I'm ashamed. 
I'm not writing this blog post to be "woe is me" about being a chubster who likes to eat.
I'm writing this to hold myself accountable for the nonsense. 
I also know that a lot of people that read my blog are ballers who understand how much it sucks to want to be fit more than anything but also understand what it's like to have to sit on their hands when someone brings cupcakes to a meeting.
Weight loss and everything that comes with making that life change is really hard. 
Could things be worse?
You bet it could. 
I could have a gill and a weird fin as one of my hands. 
Or have an incurable disease.
So if being fluffy is the worst thing I've got going on so be it. 
But what I like about having this blog is that I can share how bad I want to shatter the glass of the vending machine in the lobby of my residence hall right now and eat the all the Cheetos, m&ms, and even the Funions, bags included, knowing that some people who read this have felt the same. 

I know that many of my posts are super silly, so sorry if this is a bit of a downer, but what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't mix it up every once and awhile?

Now, if you'll excuse me this finger isn't going to gnaw on itself so I must go. 
Phalanges are low points on the WW.

12 comments:

  1. This post wasn't a downer - you are seriously funny!!!

    Good luck with WW and your journey to better health. It is never easy but certainly worth it. Getting started is often the hardest part and being public about it will help keep you accountable to yourself.

    Wishing you all the best. Your blog is hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think that you are capable of writing a downer. Hang in there- and congratulations on already starting and loosing those first few. The next should come easier!

    I love your perspective- "So if being fluffy is the worst thing I've got going on so be it." Great attitude- incredibly healthy! Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  3. As a fellow were and a woman, watch where you are in your cycle. There are times of the month when I would have eaten the cats had they not been fast and had I not been a vegetarian. There are some days and some months where there was a crazy, ravenous beast in me and then it stopped. It's good to know that it will stop and you can stop it, even if it is making sure that it is four days and not five.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just wanted to express my empathy. I don't want to say "I know how you feel" because feelings are very personal and complex. But I TOTALLY know what it is like to feel powerless before food. What it feels like to wake up in the morning and say "I WILL NOT EAT MCDONALD'S TODAY" and then less than 2 hours later I am sitting in the drive-thru lane for breakfast, and then back again for lunch a couple of hours later. I know what it is like to hide and lie about food to cover my shame. I know what it is like to see thinner women eating things I know I shouldn't, and to be filled with rage-jealousy-despair-hate-shame. I know what it is like to want to be thin and healthy, but to NOT WANT to give up my favorite foods even if they will kill me.

    I am still in the midst of my food issues and so I have no answers for you, only that my heart goes out to you. I don't know how painful this is for you, but I know the pain runs deep for me. I would say that you might consider Food Addicts Anonymous - I myself have reached out to an FAA leader, but have yet to have the gumption to go to a meeting. Also, remember to start every day over. Don't carry with you the failures of the day before. They will only drag you down. Each day is a new day. And lastly, I have no idea if you are a person of faith (I'm kind of a new reader), but if you are, lean on God. I have prayed to Him for YEARS to fix this in me, and for whatever reason He doesn't just fix it. But Jesus does remind me that I am loved and forgiven no matter how many times I fail per day, and no matter how little or much I weigh. Praying and rooting for you. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good for you for trying! I have the same problem with food...and I want to lose weight, but just don't have the motivation to do anything about it. And I'm dangerously close to the "my future husband will love me no matter what I weigh, right? sooooo I can stuff my face, yes?" mentality. Its a scary scary place. But, you're hilarious...as usual :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anyone who has struggled with weight can relate to the "shaky hand reaching for the 7 measly chips " story but no one could have written it as starkly true yet hilarious, as you. We all have our struggles AND our gifts. Thank you for sharing both of yours on your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ah I love ya! You can do it Ashley, I know you can. Just keep at it.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I enjoyed the finding nemo reference... You know I am your girl when it comes to struggles with weight. I am so proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I really love your honesty! Even when you're a bit discouraged, we get a touch of humor. Amazing. Thanks for letting us in on your struggle and we're all cheering for you as we walk alongside you in this department.

    ReplyDelete
  10. i really really love this post. i think its great that you are blogging about what you are really feeling and thinking, you can't always post about optimistic seize the day type things. I know I spill my guts on my blog probably more than is healthy or people want to read, but it keeps it relatable. Everyone struggles and i love your honestly and humor! Keep it up love!!!!

    ReplyDelete