Things & Stuff

I've been suffering from writer's block.
It's the worst.
I would start to write a post, and it would come out sounding terrible. 

Ex: "Justin Timberlake's hair really did look like Ramen noodles for awhile amiright?

Played out son. Played.Out.

I've had a lot of random thoughts/happenings/things/stuff happen over the past week and a half, and while each of the don't justify a full post I thought I'd just give you this magnificent hodge podge. 

Come with me on this journey.

• Friday night, while I was minding my own business on my couch, watching a quality television show, "Ink Master" on Spike, a tiny creature crawled out from underneath my couch. 

Yeah dudes. 

A creature. 

Not a bug. 

Those I am familiar with and no longer karate kick when they come into my line of sight. 

I calmly say, "WHAT THE F IS THIS GET THE F OUT OF HERE."

Squish it and move on with my day. 

No this beast had whiskers. 

And a tail. 

And was trolling around my apartment. 

It was a MOUSE.

So I did what any normal human would do, and ran into my room, put a towel under my door, as well as a laundry basket, and heavy box and stayed on my bed until sunrise.

While hiding from the vermon that I believed to be standing outside of my door like so:

I googled "ways to get rid of a mouse."
They provided me with the following:

So not only do I now have a barn owl I don't know what do with I also have this cat patrolling my apartment.

• I made homemade salsa and am fairly certain I no longer have finger prints due to the burns I got via jalapeno. 

My twitter bestie Chalayn suggested the following to me:

So now I've been wearing bread gloves all week.
They're warm and work on a touch screen.
It's a win win.

• I keep having dreams that I'm dating Daris George from "the Biggest Loser." 

I'm sure that if he ever reads this post he will clearly make my dream a reality. Because who wouldn't want to date a girl that burns her fingers on peppers, hides from mice, has a barn owl, and has shoes flung at her during Zumba?

• Which brings me to my next point. A girl wore Rocketdog flats to Zumba on Tuesday and when she was doing a kick to "International Love" by Pitbull and Chris Brown her shoe flew off and hit me in the back. She is now dead to me. So is her friend who wore UGGS.

• I'm afraid of doing a yoga class because I'm convinced that kind of intense stretching will cause me to fart in public.

•  I have watched this video 100 times in times in the past two days:

• This picture made it into my most memorable moments of 2012 according to Facebook. So clearly 2012 was a pretty exciting year:

• This week there was a monkey found in IKEA. His name is Darwin and I am now obsessed with him:

There you have it.
My ramblings from the past week and a half.

My apologies as you are now a little bit dumber.

P.S. Daris, Call me.