If you were my boyfriend...

So here's the deal.

I've been listening to that Justin Beiber song "Boyfriend" on repeat for about two weeks.

However, Sara, Joe & I sing "BOYFRANNNNN"

It spices it up.

At one point in the song J. Biebs says he would be my Buzz Lightyear and fly me around the globe.

I find that to be an extremely generous offer.

And Justin, I accept.

But listening to this song got me thinking: 
If Justin or anyone for that matter was my boyfran he should know some things about me.

So I made a list.
Sure most of these things are based primarily on what I've seen on TV and in movies but that is generally where a lot of my relationship knowledge stems.

Let's proceed.

Future boyfran please note the following:

Wait until you are 100% sure you're in love with me before you take me to a Mexican restaurant. What you will see there is truly disturbing. My eyes glaze over, I become very serious, I consistently monitor chip and salsa levels. I mean business. It's not always pretty.

 Don't be fooled by my sombrero...this is serious.


If we get in a fight and you want to win my love back do not wake me up by playing the same song over and over again thru a boom box lifted over your head. Although I will be impressed by your amazing upper body strength I will not appreciate being woken up. I really like sleeping. Like think of a bear hibernating...and then multiply that by 100. 

That's me.

 Uncalled for

If you write a song for me, and sing it to me in an intimate setting I will laugh. It can't be helped. I'm not proud of it but it gives me the creeps and I can't handle it. This goes for poems as well. I will however, accept you serenading me while I'm at soccer practice.

Encouraged

 

 If you ever get an inkling to buy me a wall. Do it. I'll love you forever. 

Best TV Couple Ever. 

 And finally I may ask you to lift me like we're in Dirty Dancing. I may beg you even. But no matter how hard I cry, or tell you it is my life long dream to recreate that magical movie moment, do not cave. We will not look like this:

Or this:

We will look like this and everything will then be ruined:

Tragic. But true. 

 

 Thank you and I look forward to our first date.

If I was in the Hunger Games...

As many of you know, I'm severely obsessed with "The Hunger Games."
It has taken me a solid 4 months to start reading again.
That is how much I'm in love with that series.

I have read books before that I've loved.
For instance, I was a pretty big Twilight fan.
I was never on a team though. Never bought a shirt.
But now:

I'm Team Peeta.
(If you tell me you're Team Gale, I immediately move to a shin kick position. I've gotten better at controlling it but I make no guarantees.)

And I have a shirt.

I first learned of "The Hunger Games" from one of my favorite blogs: Busy Bee Lauren.

She kept talking about her love of some dude named Peeta.

My first thoughts were:

I could get behind a book about hunger...as it is the cornerstone of my life. I love to eat.

I like pita bread...surely there is some correlation.

Turns out he was the boy with the bread.

Coincidence?

I think not.

When I started reading them I was floored.

I stayed in my room all over Christmas Break and read all three.

I have dreams about it.

I now talk about it all the time.

No but seriously all the time.

So much so that yesterday when they announced the new Katniss Barbie my friend Stef sent me the following tweet:

I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!

Sometimes I think what would happen if I was entered into "The Hunger Games."

Doesn't everybody?

No? Literally just me?

Let's proceed.

I'm not going to lie to you all. I'd die.

And real quick.

There isn't much I can do in terms of the woods.

I tried to show my friends in Philly how I could catch a squirrel for dinner.

It ended me just chasing it around a tree for inappropriate amount of time while they stood back and laughed at me.

Come on dude, you're making me look like a jerk.

I can't create a fire...

  

Nothing to see here guys, just warming up.

So I'd probably die warming my hands near one of the other tribute's...

I can't climb trees.

I clearly don't know how to hunt.

I certainly can't be quiet.

I like being around people.

I like napping whenever I want.

All of these things would contribute to my downfall but the biggest factor would be one thing and one thing only:

My love of Diet Pepsi.

I love it so much you guys.

Although I am dehydrated already because of my ungodly consumption, making me used to that sensation, it will be the literal death of me.

I know that the Game Makers would put a 24 pack of cans right near the Cornucopia and I know for a fact that I would run right for it.

If I didn't get stabbed or whatever before I got there I would definitely get hit running away with it.

I mean that junk is heavy.

Plus I'd probably just walk very quickly.

(I wouldn't want to shake the soda. It ruins it.)

If I did make it out of that opening alive I'd probably get shot down by someone late night, while I crack a can open.

I told one of my coworkers today about my imminent demise via DP and she told me I could use the box of cans as a shield.

I looked at her with cold eyes, and said:

"What if the cans got punctured. Then I still lose."

I mean sure I could probably get away with a few days of living in the arena based on a couple good days of jokes should I get in with the right crowd, but it's more likely there would be a canon shot and my face in the sky roughly 20 minutes after everything started.

Realizing that I'm a weak tribute I did go for a walk yesterday.

There were some really steep hills.

What I'm telling you all is:

I'm essentially Katniss now.

Ash-niss if you will.

I wanna be a cool blogger like mah friendsss

A lot of my favorite bloggers do totally random posts. Just their musings of the week. 

They are my favorite and because I like doing hood rat stuff with my friends I thought I'd do one of them too.

So here we go. 

First and foremost I want to let everyone know that I am fully engaging in the challenge issued by Ellen. She has encouraged people to participate in a Dance Dare. This is where you go and dance behind someone without them being noticed.

As many of you know I love a good photo bomb:

Not even babies are safe...

But I also love a good dance so this will be perfect. 

Emma Stone (my celebrity girl crush, besides Tina Fey and Kelly Clarkson) models the way that this truly should be done: 

Secondly, I'm starting a feud with Jennifer Love Hewitt. 

She publicly admitted that she wants to start dating Adam Levine. 

  Oh no she didn't...

It's on JLH. 

Party of Five? How about Party of NONE! 

(That was a. terrible and b. made no sense.)

Also I'm fully engaging in my tweet campaign once again for Adam. 

I wanted to be respectful since he was so happy with that harlot Anne V. 

But it's back on full force. 

Joe seems to be doubting me but I made things very clear:

It's on. 

I attended Wrestlmania at Valley Lanes Bowling Alley for the 2nd year in a row.

 

It's a palace. 

Even cooler Dan came up to watch it with us.

 Fully prepared.

We made a pact that we were going to go see it live next year.

 Heaven help New Jersey.

Finally this week I stumbled upon the most frightening thing on television. 

Abby Lee from "Dance Moms"

  Terrifying.

 (via)

She yells at these 7 to 10 year old girls so much I was at first a little confused. Was she was rehabilitating juvenile delinquents thru the art of dance?

She is not. 
She's just a real yelly lady. 

She told a 10 year old, "You're not 7 anymore you're 10, get it together."

She also makes them do extremely dark routines. 

Last week they did numbers where they were homeless, in jail, and I caught an episode where a solo number was centered around a girl being a runaway. 

My 10 year old dancer self would not have survived.

But alas I have become addicted to another crappy reality TV show,

and I gotta say: I don't hate it. 

So there you have it, dance dares, twitter wars/campaigns, wrestling, and dance moms. 

Big week in the life of Ashley A. Jones.

 

 

I'm back for good this time I promise

Remember that time I told you about that pending portfolio looming over my head so I could graduate?

WELL IT'S OVER!

I completed it.
Let's take a minute to watch me celebrate:


(I'm available for any dance crews that are looking for a fluffy new member.)

I'm still waiting for grades but at this point that weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

In the process of completing that bad boy, I believe I added some weight to my midsection because I literally ate anything and everything in sight.
Seriously...Barb may or may not be missing a finger.

She got too close.

A lot has happened since March 13th.

I won't bore you with too many details but here's the run down...

First and foremost:
ADAM LEVINE IS SINGLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that literally happened this morning but still big news in my life.

Is it weird that the first thing I did was call Joe?

He thought I had exciting job news...I said "No even better...Adam's single."

And that then I called my mom?

This is my life.

Let's move on...

I tried the Dorito Shell Taco:

It was not all that I wanted and more but I respect the hustle of Taco Bell and would probably eat another one. Because I'm a monster.

I made all my friends take part in my Hunger Games obsession:

I bought a Hunger Games shirt courtesy of Alyssa:

And then I wore it proudly while Joe bought me my ticket and soda for free because I won a bet:

 

We met the Colonel while in Kentucky for the ACPA conference:

Steve has poor manners.

We went to HillBilly Hot Dogs in West Virginia:

 It was so worth it.

Joe & Steve met for the first time ever:

Their love for me is evident.

We went to the Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory:

Casually playing catch...

Sara & Joe met for the first time!:

They love each other...

It's been a really busy couple of weeks.

I'm glad to be back in my own bed.

I've taken approximatley 8 naps since my return last Wednesday.

I'm officially a sloth.

Speaking of sloths, let me leave you with my most favorite video of all time:

And with that I hope you have a wonderful Monday.