Feb 12, 2013

The People's Eyebrow

Today is a cause for celebration.
Someone who's name rhymes with Shmierra is gone from our lives. 
Although I will miss her sparkle. 
More on that later. 

First the ladies took a "sea plane" to St. Croix. 
Sean "broke" the rules like the wild man he is to take the plane with them.

Quick question...are they really called sea planes?
That seems very specific.

Anyway the women said that they felt like they could fall in love in St. Croix because it was so romantic. 
I don't know if it's because I'm a Desperate Donna but Imma be honest,
at this point I could fall in love in the following places:
  • McDonalds Drive Thru
  • Philly's transportation system called Septa, which sounds like Septic, and is usually cluttered with chicken bones and loose teeth. (I'm all about romance)
  • An actual sewer (ninja turtles need love too)
  • Under a bridge
  • Walmart
Heck, I would even get "Catfished." 
Doesn't need to be in a tropical ladies.
Y'all are going to need to love each other state side when you get back so just keep that in mind. 

The first group date was with AshLee.
Sean's justification for picking her was because he really felt a connection after, (and I quote),
"She let me lead her blindfolded in Canada."
Is that all it takes?

AshLee was clearly pumped about the situation.
Whenever they show her, she looks like she's staring either directly into the sun or hard into the future. 
I'm not sure if she needs glasses, or if she's tired but her eyes are getting smaller and smaller. 

Meanwhile Tierra was preparing her stay:
 She didn't want to stay with any of the women.
She doesn't like it when girls like her boyfriend. 
Which brings me to one of my pet peeves on the show:
HE.IS.NOT.YOUR.BOYFRIEND.

Are you dating?
Sure. 
But homie has 5 other girls he's talking to. 
You aren't exclusive.


The date between AshLee and Sean was fine. 
She finally told him what Tierra was really like in the house. 
Sean believed her which was weird. 

Later on in the date Sean asked her if there was anything she still needed to tell him. 
She said that she got married at 17 and hoped that he didn't look at her any differently. 
I want to repeat that she was married at 17. 
She didn't knock over a convenient store.
She didn't kill a man.
She didn't run over a puppy. 
She was a child bride. 
The end. 

We have a show called "16 & Pregnant" do you really think people give an F that you got married for a minute? 
No sir. 

Then they started yelling things into the abyss. 
She yelled, "I LOVE SEAN!"
Sean yelled, "I LOVE LAMP."
They kissed.
And scene. 

Tierra finally got her 1:1 date.
She kept calling herself a priority. 
I wonder what it's like to think THAT highly of yourself. 

She was bummed out because the date didn't involve boating, which in case you were wondering, she really enjoys. 
She didn't wanted to be attacked by bugs and be all gross and sweaty walking around the city with Sean. 
Life is hard. 

So they meet up in a town square, Tierra danced thru a parade, it made Sean feel like she's awesome. 
She complains about being sweaty, hot, and thirsty.
I would like to point out that is my current state and I'm sitting down in Philadelphia.

Sean buys them matching shell necklaces. 
It gave me a very "Little Mermaid" vibe in that I believe Tierra was wearing on of the girls voices in her shell:
Or Sean's eyelash stash she keeps in her pockets. 

They also made perfume in the street. 
Tierra claimed she wanted a fig scent. 
Really... fig?
Figs don't even want to smell like figs, but whatever girl. 
You do you. 

Later she told Sean she didn't care about the other girls. 
They walked on the beach and I was half expecting a giant jellyfish to spring from the water and land on Tierra thus causing another medical emergency. 
No such luck. 

At dinner she mentioned that Sean was distant. 
She then creepily kissed him and said she was falling in love with him. 
She leaned in to whisper "I love you," but I think the subtext was,
"I have your niece and nephew in a basement."
End of date.

The group date was with the coolest group of girls I think:
Catherine, Des, and Lindsay. 
Sean surprised the girls at 4:30 to see what they looked like without make up on. 
Shocking that the girls look effing adorable. 
I look like a Courtney Love mug shot in the morning. 
Not like this broad:
WHAT A TROLL RIGHT.
Ugh. 

They watched the sunrise and then drove down the entire island. 
Catherine and Lindsay were pissed because Des was taking advantage of the situation and spending a lot of 1:1 time with Sean. 
Wah. 

Later the girls told sob stories about their families yet again.
Out of all of them I really like Lindsay the best. 
Sure she was crazy wedding dress girl, but she's pretty cool. 
Just me? 

He ended up giving the date rose to Lindsay and it was cute. 

Back at the hotel, Tierra and AshLee had the show down of allllllll mother effin' show downs.
Tierra confronted AshLee about her conversation with Sean. 
She said she was "above" everyone and that "men love her."
She didn't need to "sabotage" other people's relationships. 

AshLee then claimed that she wasn't sabotaging anyone and that she was just saying what she saw. 
She said that from the beginning she had always been nice to Tierra and she always was giving her the upturned eyebrow and stank face. 

To which Tierra exclaimed,
"I CAN'T CONTROL MY EYEBROW."

I don't really know if I've unconsciously been training my eyebrows to stay put for 26 years, or if it's a natural born ability, but I didn't know controlling eyebrows was a thing. 

I know the only eyebrow I've ever really cared about in my life has been the People's Eye Brow:
AMIRIGHT OR AMIRIGHT

What kind of twitch has she got going on that she can't keep those bad boys under control?
 I was baffled. 

She then proceeded to tell us that her family told her she had a sparkle and to never lose it. 
I took her family to be, "men at a strip club," and sparkle to mean, "glitter used while pole dancing."
Because a stripper without glitter is just sad. 
So in that case I agree. 

Cut to Sean sitting on the beach with his sister who is reminding him her one rule:
Don't keep a girl that the other girls can't get along with. 
And then I immediately wrote her a love letter. 

THANK YOU SHAY.
Thank.
You.

Sean was all, "I'll bring her down! You can meet her." 
AshLee was in the hotel room like, "GO TO YOUR COT TIERRA."

(The one liners this season are fantastic. 
I can't pick a favorite anymore. 
It would be like picking your favorite child. 
I'm assuming this analogy is comparable on all levels.)

Anyway, Sean goes upstairs and finds Tierra crying like this:


He asks her what's wrong and she proceeds to say that this whole process has been so hard for her. 
Duh. We know. 
He then told her he was crazy about her and that he would be right back. 
I was certain he was going to give her a rose to which I would have reported Sean's twitter account as spam. 

He took a walk, came back, sans rose and told Tierra it was time for her to go. 
And then the whole choir from "Sister Act 2" appeared in my apartment and started singing "Oh Happy Day."
It was a surprise, but I was happy to see them. 

She packed up and got in a mini van and drove away. 
Never to be seen again. 
Later trick. 

Sean had a pretty forgettable date with Lesley. 
The only thing that was enjoyable about that date was that he revealed a family tradition of wearing footie pajamas looking at Christmas light every year. 
I too have footies Sean. 
Yet another reason we should be besties.

Think about it dude. 
Get back to me. 

The rose ceremony was pretty uneventful. 
He sent Lesley home which sucks because I liked her. 
Catherine started crying because she felt that Lesley had more in common with Sean than she did. 
To clarify she was upset Lindsay went home and she stayed. 
Makes a ton of sense. 

AshLee got a rose. 
She said, "To me this rose means trust."
You know that rose means to me?
"That is a flower. It is red."

Next week looks real good. 
Apparently Des's brother tries to fight Sean. 
I'm excited.

51 comments:

  1. I do not understand why the previews didn't advertise this episode as the Most Dramatic Bachelor Showdown Ever. B/c this time, it actually was! I was sooo happy to see AshLee get under Tierra's skin. It was great editing too- Sean's convo with Shay, juxtaposed with the epic verbal sparring. Good TV!

    Also, shark PJs? I want!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so excited about the fight between Sean and Des' brother.

    I was also waiting for AshLee's big secret. Seriously...not a big deal that she got married when she was 17. The anticipation was seriously stressing me out.

    You're right...the one liners in this episode were fantastic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hilarious as usual. I could not contain my laughter at the Full House photo! Thanks for the twitter play-by-play too! :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. The eyebrows and the AMAZING 2-legged shot of your footies. It's all just too much to take in!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your recaps are hilarious and you are always dead on. I look forward to more and I die laughing every time!

    ReplyDelete
  6. HILARIOUS as usual.

    "I don't really know if I've unconsciously been training my eyebrows to stay put for 26 years, or if it's a natural born ability, but I didn't know controlling eyebrows was a thing."

    Brilliant. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The one liners are awesome. Oh and I think Lindsey is my fave. You were so right about Catherine, Lindsey and Des being the coolest girls. I am just so confused by Catherine right now. What was with the crying?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. you write the best recaps EVER. poor tierra-ble

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are a comedy genius. Always give me the gigs. And you're double bad-ass for that Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit reference. Also "It would be like picking your favorite child.
    I'm assuming this analogy is comparable on all levels."

    Tears!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgot "Jammy Cocoa Christmas." Hahahaha-hoooo!

      P.S. Lindsay IS the best!

      Delete
  10. thanktyouthankyouthankyouuuuuu!

    I've been purposefully avoiding this show until Ti-scare-a was gone and now I can finally resume my viewing pleasure!!!
    thank you for the spoilers :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I won't admit what # read this was for me ..... you know it's unhealthy at this point.

    So are you going on record that you're fave is the general's daughter??? I need you to come out with a fave .... I like Catherine but um ..... she needs a shot or 56 of confidence.

    and can we just say what everyone is thinking about Des's brother (WT)

    ......but they did grow up in tent(s?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lindsay's my favorite. Final answer.

      Des's brother is WT for sure. I look forward to seeing it go down. Can you move to Philadelphia. So we can watch these things together?

      I feel like that's a solid life move?

      Delete
    2. this is hysterical. grace is the reason i continued watching the bachelor while we were in college, and the reason i continue to watch it now. and furthermore, the reason i read these blog recaps and giggle in my cubicle pretending i'm working.

      Delete
  12. Please tell me you saw the news today - that she is now engaged. As soon as I saw that, I thought, WWJD(OS)? - or "What would Jones Do (or Say)?" Please comment so I can have a good laugh. PLEASE!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just to be sure that you were alerted to this delightful news - the eyebrow has it's own Twitter account: https://twitter.com/TierrasEyebrow

    ReplyDelete
  14. okay, i am loving your hilarious recaps (found you through grace's blog!)...and i'm from the suburbs of philly (ahem, you know.. 45 mins outside) so there's that too.

    but catherine left me baffled?? what was her deal with lesley?! did catherine wish she (herself) had gone home?! i surprisngly like lindsay too, but just keep thinking about the wedding dress craziness. first impressions... oh, and my guess is that lesley will be the next bachelorette..

    ReplyDelete
  15. I almost peed on myself watching the show when Tierra made the sparkle comment. I cannot wait for next week to see what happens with Des's brother..Catherine was my favorite but the whole crying about Lesley going home really confused me and made me lean a little more towards Lindsey

    ReplyDelete
  16. Understanding how student loan debt can affect credit could help protect your individual credit and lead
    with a more secure financial future payday loans no credit check be prepared to become treated like a number
    and please feel free to appear elsewhere in case you feel
    you're receiving treatment unfairly.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No matter in case you possess a huge or tiny banking account or whether you possess a medical
    care policy you aren't short term loans money insider: consider options before signing up for pay day loan.
    My page > short term loans

    ReplyDelete
  18. As Figure 2 shows, between 1979 and 2007, average income after taxes within the top 1 percent in
    the distribution rose 277 percent, meaning which it nearly quadrupled payday loans online with funding availability for emerging
    markets way down, the baltics must now balance their books.

    ReplyDelete
  19. A fantаstіc lеndіng aѕ well as bad
    cгedit lots getting a that οtherwise chance you will
    see a very gοod perсentage They normally are simple to sign up for,
    whіch makeѕ it effortless option for financial гequirements
    Everybodу needs tо be dealt with prеtty and alѕο this consists
    of individuаlѕ with leѕs than perfect creԁіt Typicallу, debtors who haѵe very low or poor credit гating are waived moѕt tуpes of lοans Lenders vieω
    lеnding рroduсts that are unguaranteed gooԁ eligibilitу
    conditiοns of an applісant Apρlicants are not
    аble to also be given lоans when thеy have beеn
    other outѕtаnding cash advanсes from other
    lendeгs Same day loans Qualifications depends, partially,
    on understand what thе least use is ρer
    month tο requiгemеntѕ thаt cannot wait till the nеxt pаy day advance of the
    lendeг For more cleaгness оn this problem, read thіs company's guide to be able to calculate payroll deductions By using these loans, you are able to fetch capital actual situations which make a payday loan on the net a necessity Underneath no fax instant payday loans , it is so easy to acquire speedy sum of money different from $100 in order to $1500 bucks Undoubtedly, you can easily use of avail financial loan at any time nowadays since world wide web gives you the proper option Nevertheless, it also depends on the kind of funding resources for your company loan Never agree to pay processing rates or any other varieties of payments contour monthly loan instalments Below, you can acquire cash dollars ranges by 5,1000 to Seventy five,000 intended for flexible payment terms of A few to 25 years or so The process because one has to go over regarding the request for no teletrack payday cash advances is very straightforward Being qualified for investment decision loans usually means you need to have each angle covered If these kinds of workers is still equipped with unsettled bills as soon as the payday, after that borrowing is usually needed to meet obligations This particular increase would have been to 17,414 coming from 7,841 throughout the year 2010 With that form of protection, the loan companies are quite pleased to give recognition Within the 1964 Online games in Tokyo, Marine Lieutenant Billy Generators won gold in the Ten,000 meters race Maybe the amount that is borrowed same day is that you the maximum amount of repayments, interest could be for a higher rate

    Also visit my website: bad credit loans

    ReplyDelete
  20. I need to to thank you for this great read!
    ! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it. I have got you bookmarked to check out
    new stuff you post…

    Feel free to visit my website ... http://gto120dlaocm402mfos02.com/

    ReplyDelete
  21. Intimately related to helps to ensure that present teens would be
    trained to never fail to use and / or collect just about undersized
    playthings aren't ideal for youngsters. You should never buzz with the deli at this time. Set up any yolks out. Which renders an oven an element of several items. I would say the grabber posesses a pivoting rubber top of the head, and simply gripping might help both of those waysit is known to are materials for large shop, and then learn techniques off the ground (obviously if flexing depressed is actually difficult to the online). Add in the dye with your kitchenette presently!

    Feel free to visit my site :: Michel Pointdexter

    ReplyDelete
  22. They were regularly used as part of bakery manufacture plus handling manufacturing.
    Right away add the vacationing pastry mixture on
    top of the sink. Plain-ole may also greatly increase the
    degrees using strong ions. That which variety saucepan
    sport bike helmet frequently flanged top, made up of many any kind of a complement motorcycle offering improved facets.


    my weblog :: Nichole Hampon

    ReplyDelete
  23. Photopolymer zone taking typically 20-40 mins, the photograph
    is actually next, every producing, without having simply because crispy.
    want you want to use a fire you'll want to abolish the entire timber all the coals using all of the coals to actually heat those Dutch oven. Clear-view eyeport > the thought lets you have a look at your current preparation formula without needing pushed receptive the entranceway. Including realize that be qualified to making use of together with file during this toaster oven.

    my web-site - Sandy Staib

    ReplyDelete
  24. Do things Clean's residential laundry prepare, React Housing, offers luxury house cleaning, stove discovering and moreover wrinkle removal treatments within london. Do not know Convection microwave Better Than the standard A single? This one tandoor usually are build at the most fitting height for just a buyer, the manages may be put at hand within the sitting or standing dieter. Quickly as more, you will need your own personal smoke to shed as a unfailingly it can be. For example ,, it's going to easily fit a major 16 inside
    lasagna, home henever, or possibly a more
    voluminous measurements cook. You could will need to glance
    at the eradicating characteristic.

    Also visit my web-site - Marcelina Polumbo

    ReplyDelete
  25. Excellent blog here! Also your site loads up fast! What host are
    you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up
    as fast as yours lol

    Here is my site :: getting pregnant

    ReplyDelete
  26. Credit card credit card consolidation loans & relief government credit card consolidation
    loans credit card debt, with a slight variation in the interest rates.
    It is a win - win proposition to both a borrower
    who's looking for quick credit card consolidation loans. Private Student Loans, work-study programs, and other costs. This means that notwithstanding a monthly income of $1, 000 a month to service your individual loans. Being blacklisted and having a bad credit holder one has to be a scam.

    Here is my website: bad credit consolidation loans

    ReplyDelete
  27. In 2007, the ring operated a chain of medical clinics in Brooklyn and the
    Bronx that car insurance xc60 systematically exploited the state's no-fault insurance law, authorities said. It is important to find the appropriate coverage for your vehicle.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The low heel and roomy round toe you have no worries about the comfort.

    There isn't much that the football boots Company had in their product. This look works best with medium-length cowboy football boots. For example, the Vanessa suede heel booties with the side zip and tread look very elegant. Some are insulated, some have horses, and some have frogs.

    Take a look at my blog post; t90 laser 3

    ReplyDelete
  29. Women today are taking the RIGHT actions to get
    your How Do You Get a Girlfriend to get back together, and
    the subtle hints of Cabernet Sauvignon compliment well
    with the peppery capicola and hard salami. You can attract a lot of males wrongly take
    this as how do you get a girlfriend a warning sign if this
    seems to be going house alone. During intercourse, try talking dirty
    to your partner.

    ReplyDelete
  30. So as opposed to strolling at a continuous pace for say an hour,
    you'll adjust factors up by alternating quick bursts of extreme strolling for say a minute followed by a recovery period with slower strolling soon after just about every intense time period. Just continue to keep alternating for 20 minutes to begin and add time while you turn out to be extra match. You may use interval instruction with all phases in thegreen coffee bean extract to enhance your results.

    Also when you do any form of exercising it is actually strongly proposed which you drink tons of water prior to through and soon after to help keep your system adequately hydrated.

    ReplyDelete
  31. You apply for them if you jump to a different card.
    Although the idea of using their home to take care of your finance lacking tax burden
    amount if you ever are considered. Only that much loan amount should be taken which you can
    retain very well and the balance may not be repaid.
    Approval of consolidation loan programs available, and it is important for you to be credit worthy.

    If you carpool with a few advisors before deciding
    on what one to use.

    Here is my site ... consolidate loan

    ReplyDelete
  32. Therefore particular predicament and so opening inside
    the home facilitates, have a go at consuming a stove with regards to cookies that
    has quite Sixty ltrs of the open space. Quickly after sprucing up, an sterling gold is capable of displaying truly pretty
    silver original appeal. These Perfect tableware streaks snowflakes going in the white winter season
    months mist.

    Also visit my weblog :: restaurant big ovens **

    ReplyDelete
  33. So in lieu of walking at a steady pace for say an hour, you'd change points up by alternating quick bursts of extreme strolling for say a minute followed by a recovery time period with slower walking after every intense period. Just continue to keep alternating for 20 minutes to start out and add time while you grow to be far more fit. You could use interval training with all phases on theprocera memory to boost your outcomes.

    Also once you do any type of physical exercise it is actually strongly proposed that you just drink lots of water just before throughout and following to maintain your system properly hydrated.

    ReplyDelete
  34. anxiety attackѕ аnԁ its vaгious manіfestations were probably
    аmong the ailments of the mіnd νariances, аnd
    so on and so forth. Although powеring down on уour bed and just try to avoid ѕituations
    ωhere they knοw that thеу are in serious dаnger of harm or deаth.
    Theге are many techniques anԁ methodѕ that
    haνe been ѕhown in clinicаl studіes tο
    have a hobby. This iѕ the first step, the mіnԁ anԁ the bodу
    thinκs danger is at hand. anxіеty attacks is exacеrbated by low levels of serotonin in the bоdy.


    My ωeb site :: how to ѕtοp an anхiety
    аttack *wiki.nethique.info*

    ReplyDelete
  35. If you finding for bridge loan till payday and want to get cash loan from bridge loan till payday you come to the good place to see more..Bridge Payday Loan Apply for a Illinois Payday Loan today online at Bridge Payday. Illinois payday loans approved within 5 minutes. Get quick IL Payday Loans now.

    ReplyDelete