Aug 6, 2013

Brooks and Done...GET IT?

How's everyone feeeeeeling about the finale?
Oh you're feeling great and are emotionally attached to yet another Bachelor Nation couple?
Just me?

I feel like I got engaged last night. 
I mean I didn't...
I did engage in a stress eating binge of Cool Ranch Doritos. 
So maybe I am now betrothed?
I don't understand real life relationships. 

As Chris Harrison so eloquently stated,
"We last saw Des alone on the end of a dock...crying and alone." 

Painted a pretty solid picture for us. 

We cut to Des looking out over the ocean which has been the most consistent image we've had of her all season. 
I'm convinced in her head she's playing "Sometimes" by Britney Spears:
Sometimes I run....sometimes I hide.

Just because...

Everyone can see how upset she is and how shocked she was about Brooks leaving. 
Chris Harrison does his best counseling work and asks if she's able to continue on with the two guys that are left. 

In his head he was definitely thinking, "Please say yes. I'm not ready to leave this beach. Daddy's gotta
 his tannnnnnnn on son," but on the outside he was all, 
"I care and am concerned...."

She says she'll stay and then cries really hard during the stupidest rose ceremony on the planet. 

I don't know if she was crying because Brooks broke her heart or because of the ugly rug...

 But seriously, why that eye sore?
 Did someone's weird aunt that makes dream catchers and only wears turquoise jewelry weave that bad boy?
Because other than sentimental value I'm not sure why that should have been included into the decor. 

I think my favorite part of the whole jam was Chris informing the men that 
"Brooks was no longer with us...I'll let Des tell you what happened."

The way he set it up made it sound like she murdered him and needed to confess for her crimes. 
Because it was too close to the plot of their "Whodunnit" show ABC probably pulled the plug on that scenario. 

She gave both guys roses. 

Then not only did she give Chris one hug, she gave him two, while throwing Drew some seriousssss shade:
Nope I'll just stand here's cool.

The first date is with Drew and Des seriously gives zero f's about any of it. 
She was however wearing the same belly shirt I tend to wear for only very special occasions. 

She cares more about Drew learning about Judy the horse than about anything he has to say. 

Their conversation went like this:
Des: This is Judy. 
Drew: Hi Judy. 
Des: How's your time been in Antigua?
Drew: Good.
Des: Beachin' it?
Drew: No.
Des: Oh you went to the pool?
Drew: No. I've just been in my room. In the dark. Alone. Thinking of you.
 cue Desiree only talking to the horses until they get to their destination.

Drew then proposes a toast to being madly in love and being nowhere else. 
Even the horses at that point sensed the tension and thought, "I mean I'd rather be at a glue factory if it meant that we could get out of this break up zone."

Des says that she doesn't feel the way that she should about him and that she can't go on any further with him. 
He takes the break up in the most polite way possible and tells her she doesn't have to be sorry. 
 He says that just because he sees something it doesn't mean she has to and says thank you. 

So he's either the nicest man on the planet orrrrr a murderer. 

Desiree then prepares herself with her date with Chris.
She talks a lot about how comfortable she's always been with her and how confident he's always been in what they have. 

It was like Brooks being gone lifted her out of a funk and she realized she didn't have to make someone love her when she had perfect Chris there all along.
Yeah I typed that cheesy sentence. 
I don't even hate myself for it. 

Chris tells her it was so hard for him to see her cry and stand there by herself so upset at the rose ceremony and just wanted to be there for her. 
At that point I threw my entire underwear drawer at the television. 
That wasn't enough so I went out and bought bags of Hanes her ways and threw those too. 

They get on a boat and Chris continues to make nerdy little jokes and fumbles that make him absolutely the best person on Earth. 

He also totally got stuck in his shirt. 

I was watching it with my RAs a little delayed and I'm not going to lie to you. 
We rewound that scene about 3 times. 
And laughhhhhhhed. 

Des finally comes out of her dead eyed coma and realizes that she's never had to force anything with Chris because he makes her feel so comfortable. 

Because he's perfect. 

They jump into the water which was set up to be a huge leap 

 But ends up being the equivalent of someone jumping off a sidewalk curb

At the end of their date, Des shows up to Chris's house and kisses him.
She says, "Sorry I got lip gloss on you."
He says: "That's ok I didn't put any on..."

And I melted. 
Because that was adorable.

They talk and talk and talkkkkkkkkkkkkk and the entire time you can just hear Des saying, 
"'re right...."
You could literally watch the thought bubble form over her head that said, 
"Brooks sucks."

They continue to talk and it's like Des sees that what he's been doing all season is what all the dudes should have been doing but weren't because they sucked and only cared about themselves. 

After he gives her a journal and says real sweet stuff she tells him she's the best man she's ever met and a loyal friend. 

I felt like that was super sweet. 
She also whispered something like, "I can't say it enough...or I can't say it but..."
So I think she was trying to sneak it to him that she loved him. 
Which is bull because she just blurted it out to Brooks. 
Buck the system homie. 
Tell him. 

Later she tells us that she feels guilty for not saying she loved him all along. 
Yeah well you should. 

However, I do believe that she needed Brooks to peace out so she could see it. 
She said in the after show that she believed that she liked the chase. 
I don't blame her...but I mean....c'mon. 

He'd literally just been showing her the same thing he's done all season. 

 The next day he goes to meet her parents and brother who I kind of loved. 
Nate jumped right in asking questions to see if Chris was the right one. 
He asked if he wasn't the chosen one would it break his heart?
Would he be mad at Drew? 
Would he kill him?
Could he watch?

Ok maybe not all of them but most. 
They all got along and after Chris got her Dad's blessing decided he was ready to propose. 

Des had to ruin my buzz of Chris being the winner by saying she felt guilty about not realizing she loved him until recently.

Why ruin a good thing?
Oh because she doesn't care about my feelings.

So he gets there and tries to propose and she stops him and I immediately started eating my hair/booing the television.

Luckily he still loved her and she let him propose and then she said "a thousand times yes" and I barfed but was excited because Chris made ittttttttttttttttttt.

At the very end Chris was recapping everything and was so precious.

The whole time I just kept thinking,
"Des you better recognize the prize you have....or I will cut you."
You know normal thoughts every sane human has while watching a finale about people who they will never meet.

I gotta say I was really excited Brooks didn't come back.
In my small brain I convinced myself he was going to come back and ruin my life but I realized we were Brooks and DONE I was super pumped.

I went there.
Because every good blogger makes references to 90s country male duos.
It keeps you fresh and in touch with the current trends.

Was it just me or did Brooks look ROUGH?
Mother will be angry I am here...
The best was when Des told him she was glad he left.

And then told him she was engaged to Chris and then did this:

Get it girl.

I'm happy with how everything turned out.
I know people are saying that Chris is sloppy seconds but I think they looked pretty happy.
I dig it.

I also dig Juan Pablo being the next Bachelor.
January can't come soon enough.

Back to blogging about my boring life until then.


  1. really thought this season was going to end with a total downer (aka brooks) but so glad to see this happy ending. eek!

  2. "At that point I threw my entire underwear drawer at the television. "

    I have tears streaming down my are hilarious!

  3. "She was however wearing the same belly shirt I tend to wear for only very special occasions." Oh my word, I'm reading this at work, and I'm trying so hard to stifle my giggles. Unfortunately, it's not working well, and I'm afraid my co-worker will think I'm having an asthma attack. Thanks for bringing some much needed laughter to my Wednesday!

  4. ha! I love your recaps and completely agreed with you on this one. Chris is an awesome catch! Can't wait to see what female-drama January will bring. Goodness knows it will be more exciting than this season!

  5. dying over the Brooks caption --- WHY the mother???

    another GEM.

    wtf. why do we have to wait until JANUARY!??!!?!?!?! life is so hard.

  6. "Because every good blogger makes references to 90s country male duos."
    Ab-so-lutely. I did not watch this season after episode one, but still thoroughly devoured and enjoyed your recaps. Waiting until January will be hard...please keep us updated on your life in the meantime.

  7. so... what if we have to wait until January because they are going to do a stupid special on Catherine/Sean? Like some extended "wedding planning" mini-series in the meantime? Though I started out in love with the couple, I kinda feel like they are trying to stay alive among celebs (can we call them that?) to make money... is that harsh? i don't know.. it wouldn't surprise me in the leeeeeeeaaaast. as always, love you jonesy. -kate

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