Oct 11, 2013

Thank you Petsmart Gods....thank you so much.

Alright. 
I've been a deep funk. 
 Like can't think of anything to write because I haven't been doing anything worth writing about. 
I go to work. 
I come home. 
I hang out with Doug. 
I go to sleep. 

I've had writers block like you can't imagine. 
Some of my ideas have been like this: 
Do I hate Miley or do I love her? 
Dear President Grant,  you don't know me and you're fictional but I love you: The Ashley Jones confessional. 
None of them really took form. 

Then last night I took Doug to his first obedience class at Petsmart. 

Lemme tell you something. 
I have been rejuvenated.

It's like I needed an hour and a half of pure people watching to bring me back to my old snarky self. 

I'm getting ahead of myself....let's start from the beginning. 

The day started off kinda sucky. 
I lost my keys completely and had to get them replaced. 
I had to call Tim and see if he could overnight me my car key from VA and in turn had to borrow my friend Gabby's car to take Doug to his first class. 

We pull into the parking lot and it's barf city outside. 
Misty and rainy...windy. 
Generally awful. 

As me and Doug walk into the store there's a 55 year old woman standing outside yelling at a fat meatball of a pug. 
"Zoey....You're a bad dog. Let me get my cigarettes. Ugh." 

I secretly was hoping she wasn't in my class but also was a little relieved when after 5 minutes of me and Doug hanging out by our lonesome she walked in. 

Here's how our first exchange went: 

Me: "Hi I'm Ashley this is Doug."

Carol: "She's a bad dog. She shit in my mother's china cabinet." 

Me: "............she's really cute."

Carol. I don't know you. You seem a little nuts but dammit woman I love you. 

As if things couldn't get better our instructor, "Deb" let us know that she was going to teach our dogs to "shit."
I wanted to say well it seems like Zoey really has that covered but then I realized she was saying, "sit."

Also we were alerted by Deb that we wouldn't be having class on Halloween, not because she was a devil worshiper or anything but because she really loved the holiday. 
She then stressed 3-8 more times how she did not worship Satan. 
At all. 
Not even a little bit. 
I wanted to tell her that her constantly repeating Satan's name wasn't helping her case, but I don't know Deb's life, and I'm not trying to get a hex put on m'dog. 

The class went on and I was soaking up every little weirdo that was in there. 
At the end Carol was ready to leave and took out TWO cigs for the road. 
I thought she was going to "Mad Men" it up and start smoking right there but luckily she and the Zo-monster went outside. 

I gotta be honest, I've never been more pumped to go to Petsmart next week. 
I'm taking pictures. 
And I'm befriending Carol. 
Mark my words.

Doug may not be so pumped. 

7 comments:

  1. This post, well worth the wait. Good to have you and your snarkiness back.

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  2. Missed ya! Go Doug! Go Carol! Go Ashleyjonesy! GO REDSKINS!

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  3. I remember when Rugby and I got invited to leave obedience school.

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  4. Yay! I swear cigarette smokers save the day ALL the time. Instead of researching a link between cigarettes and lung cancer they should try to find the link between cigarettes and crazy. Can't wait until next week.

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  5. Miley and I are currently enrolled in petsmart classes too!!

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