Apr 9, 2014

True Life: I snore

I'm here to admit, that I, Ashley Jones, am ....a snorer.
I have been for awhile now.

Falling asleep in public places covertly is not on my list of strengths. 
Sleeping (and sounding) like a bear however, #1 of my napsquest. 

It's doesn't happen EVERY time I sleep...but it does happen like 98% of the time. 

I hate it. 
I feel bad whenever I have to share rooms or have sleep overs because I know I'm potentially keeping someone awake. 

It's pretty embarrassing to know that although dainty and delicate during the day, (ha), at night I turn into a 
snory shebeast that allows no one their rightfully earned trip to Sleep City. 

I try to will myself to have a silent night of sleep. 
I give myself pep talks like:
"Hey Jones, don't be a huge fart bag and keep up your friends." 

I envision peaceful images of babbling brooks and Justin Timberlake dancing to aid me in my peaceful slumber.

How I think I look when I'm asleep:

What I really look like when I'm asleep:

All of this came roaring to my attention this past week when I shared a room with 3 patient souls at a conference.
I bought them ear plugs and wore breath right strips and tried to win their love so that I wouldn't be smothered. 

The icing on the cake was this past weekend at the initiation weekend for Alpha Delta Pi.
I vowed I would repeat this story to no one because it's so embarrassing but you know, 
when has that ever stopped me?

Let me set the scene for you: 

A bunch of women in a small room, doing cool stuff I can't tell you about or else. 
That room gets hot, ya girl here gets shaky, clammy, and a little pass outty....that's a thing...as of now. 
 I was told to take it easy, and rest in the back of the room. 
I did. 
And fell asleep. 

So hard in fact, that my body knew I was probably making a lot of noise. 
As I jolted awake, I heard a woman say, 
"No there isn't a man back there...just a Sister." 

This sister: 

Then I died. 
This is a ghost writing this post. 

I will probably be invited to zero other initiation events in the near future. 
Or ever. 
Guess that frees up a lot of time for me to hit the SNOOZE button on the weekends. 

I know. 
I'll see myself out. 


  1. I feel your pain, girl. Feel. Your. Pain.