May 18, 2014

Bachelorette Dude Preview


Tomorrow is the day y'all. 
"The Bachelorette" comes back into our lives and I can't effing wait. 

ABC released who the cast is last week and I thought I would give my thoughts...
because who doesn't want to know my opinion based on my judgement of dudes faces?

Andrew: 
Looks like he farted and the people behind the camera just got a whiff. 
His favorite foods consist of things that my niece would proclaim as her favorites as well. 
He seems like a dude who would hold up his hands to show "how many" he was when asked his age. 

Bradley:
An opera singer aka Sharkleen Part Deux. 
He also looks like Danny Tanner. 

Brett:
Has a rat-tail/mullet situation so naturally I identify with him. 
He also looks like Ryan from Emily's season. 
I see him as being a bad boy type, but Andi will like him because she values a man who can keep her layers and hombre on point.
Brian:
One of his favorite movies is "Heavyweights."
He gets my first impression rose. 
Carl:
My friend has a dog named Carl therefore I can't take him seriously. 
Chris:
I think this guy ate Brad Womack
I expect a lot of FarmersOnly.com jokes with this one. 
Cody:
If Sean Lowe tanned a lot and was part troll, he would be Cody's twin.
Craig:
Is from Defiance, which is where crap went down on Scandal, therefore I"m intrigued by him.
Dylan:
His bangs are not appealing but dammit do I love Connect Four.
Emil:
HE IS A HELICOPTER PILOT.
THIS SHOW WILL WRITE ITSELF. 
I swear to all that is holy, if he gets out of the limo with a remote control helicopter I will lose m'mind. 
Other than that he has no redeeming qualities.
See: twerking is his favorite dance move.


Jason:
Looks like quite a few Lifetime movie murderers. 

JJ:
I don'tk now what a Pantsapreneur is but he is my favorite. 
Also he's workin' that sweater.
Josh B: 
He ran a marathon so I'm immediately uneasy. 
I don't want him to take her on a "running" date. 
Those give me heartburn.
Josh M:
Gives me an Ari Jr. vibe. I don't hate it. 
Marcus:
I don't know if I can get behind a dude that claims Enrique Iglesias is one of his favorite musical artists. 
He's a pro soccer player though, so there's going to be some comparisons to JP.

Marquel:
I would like to date Marquel as he is beautiful. 
So send him home Andi, he looks dumb and you'll hate him.
(I didn't mean it Marquel...call me....)
Mike:
I bet he talks like Keanu Reeves.

Nick S.
If he's smart he makes a lot of golf puns. 
"She's a hole in 1"
"I'm up to par."
"Let's act like a Caddy and Shack UP!"
That one...isn't good. 
Don't say that one. 
Nick V.
I like this one. 
I don't know why. 
But I do. 

Patrick:
Looks like Gaston. 
Will probably want to be the next Bachelor.

Ron:
Says he is a beverage sales manager....does that mean he's a bartender?

Rudie:
He ALSO looks like a Lifetime movie villan. 
He's a lawyer, I predict he's going to make an awful opening line like, "I'll need to cross-examine you," or something equally as gross. 

Steven:
Kinda hope he talks like the sea turtle from "Finding Nemo."

Tasos:
He's a wedding event coordinator, so naturally he's going to push that he's super ready for marriage. 
I am already annoyed. 

Cross your fingers for a good season. 
I hear Andi weeds through these guys pretty fast. 
I bet she holds some of these guys in contempt. 
I hope they can all handle the truth. 
I hope she's found guilty of BEING IN LOVE.

I'll stop.

Join me on twitter tomorrow to live tweet please?
@ashleyjonesy


28 comments:

  1. Hysterical! I don't watch the series, but love your posts. I can't believe a couple of the guys said The Lion King is one of their favorite movies. Seriously?

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  2. grrrrrrl you know I'm there @erath01.

    some comments:
    1. Andrew=Pacey. Think about it.
    2. Brett. I am dying. He does love Ryan Reynolds & would for sure be into her (harsh) ombres.
    3. Carl. They asked him his favorite flower. The producers are trying to tell us something.
    4. Cody. Double dead. Def baked Sean + troll + kewpie doll?
    5. Dylan's favorite drink is apple juice. I wonder if he drinks it straight up or with a splash (aka halved, as I was only ever allowed for years)?
    6. Emil might be my favorite DESPITE the distraction of his occupation. Negative points for twerking, but pros for TopGun? Too predictable?
    7. Jason. I CAN'T WITH THE LETTERS. I mean, good on ya dude, but get off ya high horse.
    8. Josh does not strike me as being as spicy as my SECOND dude, Ari (Sean, first in our hearts forever)
    9. Marquel's blazer is on point.
    10.Mike. I hope he considered a haircut. But probably not.
    11. Nick could be one of your residents. IMJUSTSAYING.
    12. Patrick. Imma give him a chance, cuz he's from the Jerz like me. But I am expecting at least midseason drama, if not sooner.
    13. Tasos earrings don't match.


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  3. I already feel sad for Andi. Slim pickin's this season...

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  4. Love it! You crack me up. I esp. cackled at your Bradly and Cody comments. I can't wait to read your recaps.

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  5. I know someone from guilderland, ny that is also named mike...weird. Also, I have a feeling he will want everyone to know that he has an engineering degree but "chooses" to be a bartender.

    Also, my heart sunk when I saw that Emil was from Portland, Oregon. I'm from about an hour south of there...he's a poor representative of the glorious PNW. Ok, maybe he won't be so bad, but twerking? Alright, Skeezy McSkeeze.

    I'm already annoyed by Tasos. Mostly for superficial reasons - aka the earrings. I just can't.

    I googled pantsaprenuer. Nothing. But the sweater is nice, JJ.

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  6. "Kinda hope he talks like the sea turtle from 'Finding Nemo.'" - so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that or it would have definitely come out of my nose.

    Anyway, so so so excited that it is back on tonight! Hope you live-tweet!

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  7. I think it will be an interesting season. I read this after I watched the show and some of your predictions were pretty true or not far off. I hope this season is better than last. The crop seems slim this season but I was impressed how many she seemed to like.

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  8. My daughter who knows that her dad and I watch all things Bachelor forwarded this to us. We just read this also after watching the first episode. Great review and predictions, and also really funny blog. One of our games is to pick now, after the first night eliminations, who will be the top three. You get to name 5 contestants and the last 3 should be among those 5.

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  9. yesss! chris the farmer! was he not the most adorable?? i think he needs to win! but then again i'm not the hugest andi fan...so maybe he'll meet someone better? i mean, what!

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    Replies
    1. this comment was meant for your next post on episode 1... :)

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  10. I love this!!! You are too funny!!! You've gained a new follower!!! :)

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