May 1, 2014

Grump Tunnel: Population Me

I decreed 100 days of blogging, and I have failed...well not true. 
I feel as though I've been blogging more throughout the week and I like that...so therefore it's still kind of a win? 
By no means do I think people wait on the daily to read my crazy ponderings but it helps if I address it. 
Read: I'm crazy. 

To be 100% honest I've kinddddddda been in a funk. 
I reread the list of things that make me happy and I dance around my apartment snapping to "Happy" just like Pharrell, but for some reason it hasn't snapped me out of it. 

I can't really pin point what put me in the funk. 
I've been pretty bummed about my body image lately. 
I feel like my lunch lady arms have gotten out of control, and am under the impression that 38 chins are showing at any given angle. 
I read clean eating recipes daily but my diet has consisted of mainly burritos the past four days. 
I miss "Scandal." 
"The Following" is over. 
I wasn't impressed by the "Girl Meets World" sneak peek. 

Not even the new Oprah Chai Tea latte perked me up enough. 
I even ordered it LIKE Oprah, 
"I'd like a venti CHAI TEA LATTEEEEEE" 
It impressed the barista, so she wrote my name like this:
The new way to spell Ashley.
I did a quick funk test and was still in one. 

So I turned to the cure of all things: a Netflix binge. 
Lately I've been watching a lot of "Bones." 
I've stated many a time before that I love crime dramas. 
Having seen almost every episode of "Law & Order: SVU," I decided to make a commitment to a new show. 
"Bones," has been pretty solid. 
I laugh, I cry, I try to figure out how Bones, being a robot of a human, is something attractive to Booth. 
Pick me. Choose me. Love me. 
Mysteries at every turn I tell ya.

My marathons have been pretty helpful. 
I seem to peering out of my grump tunnel and into the sunlight.

However, I'm now convinced that I will find a skull, or "remains" at any time. 
I also believe I have nailed what my reaction would be should this every happen. 
A quick gasp, a few "Oh my Gods," followed by stumbling a few steps backward as I run to call the cops. 
The people who stand there and scream have been my least favorite in the past 8 seasons. 

Yep, during my bouts of anti-social behavior I have rehearsed in my mind what I would do, should I ever stumble across a dead body. 
Uplifting. 
But proactive. 

I doubt I will ever have to show my acting chops because the people will 9 times out of 10 find the bones while out on a natural trail.
And that my friends, is why I do not hike. 

2 comments:

  1. Hey crapface - news flash - some people DO obsessively check the blog for updates. Yeah, I admitted it. AND I feel ya on the poopy body image. I'm co-MOH for my BFF's wedding in August and I gotta slim this chub train down before then. Wanna have a Pittsburgh vs. Filthadelphia weight loss challenge? I'm an expert anti-funk motivator. It involves a lot of empty threat-style smack talking. You know how to reach me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I too compulsively check to see if you've written and have been sorely disappointed the past few days. Loser alert.

      Sorry about the funk. Funks suck.

      Delete