Get My Man's Name Outcha Mouth
I'm going to be honest. I fast forwarded through a lot of the Men Tell All last night.
Like a good 60% because I was boredddduh.
(Looking at you Marcus.)
There were a few highlights so let's get to them.
The men all wearing scarves at the beginning of the show let us know that they heard our out cries for less marves (man scarves) in the future.
At least that's how I interpreted it.
They focused a lot on Marquel and Chris so naturally my heart was full of love and light.
I mean Marquel's cookie pin?
Did you die, when Andrew called Marquel, Ron when addressing the racist comments?
Because I literally floated out of my body from sheer horror and watched as Andrew put both feet in his mouth.
I went from Casper to Tom Cruise on Oprah when Chris got all intense and hot and awesome when he called out JJ for being a punk.
|actual footage of me|
Also was it just me or was JJ's bow tie, clown sized?
|"Whatever Chris. Where did you buy those pants? The toilet....store?"|
Marquel talked about how he was super great at friendzoning himself with women, which I find terribly hard to believe.
Yet I totally understand because I pay a pretty hefty mortgage on my home located in the neighborhood of Friendzonia.
He then threw cookies into the crowd which I would have knocked women on the floor for.
I would have liked it a little more if he shot them out of a t-shirt cannon, but to be honest with everyone here, I just really like anything shot out of a t-shirt cannon.
I should probably invest in one.
I fast forwarded through everything that Marcus said, and through the awkward ultrasound.
I also fast forwarded through the majority of that broad who wanted to date Chris.
The caption clearly states "Chris Soules & RANDOM girl..."
A few things for her to realize:
1. Don't sit so close to him.
2. You're from Canada, he lives in Iowa. It will never work.
3. Your name is Ketchra. Here are some better alternatives I have come up with:
Ketch-yourself talking to Chris again and I'm going to pull your hair and pinch the back of your arms.
That last one might be too long to put on a name change request form, but it's worth a shot.
Andi came out and talked to the men.
It was a general snooze fest as per usual.
Chris Harrison spiced things up when he read some of the results from the lie detector test.
Coach, Chris, and JJ were all 100% truthful, while Josh, Dylan, and Marcus lied.
We learned that Marcus has slept with more than 20 women.
Which...I can't....I don't even....
Dylan liked blondes better and wasn't ready to get married.
Josh had two lies, but since he wasn't there to defend himself she decided not to read it.
Did anyone see the easter egg at the end of the show, where Chris delivered a note to Andi from one of her top two?
It was on loose leaf notebook paper so clearly they didn't pull out the big stationary for the occasion.
Or it's all a trap, and it's a ransom note from Marcus.
I'm attached enough to the final two to really care who she picks but I'm interested to see if that actually means anything next week.
They also showed us an extended preview of "Bachelor in Paradise,"
and I am so in.
I never watched "Bachelor Pad," because money was involved and I felt like that was cheap.
I'm in to for the right reasons folks.
So I'll be doing recaps of that too if you interested.
What were your thoughts?
What do you think was in that letter?