The girl who cried fat...

I've written a lot on this blog about some of my struggles with weight loss. 
I've always made these huge declarations of going out there and being the Biggest Loser. 
Being the girl in an amazing after photo, where my whole body fits in one of my old pants legs. 
But then a meatball rolls in front of me, like a delicious meat tumbleweed and all thoughts of portion control are out of the window. 

I'm always so self conscious about what I look like, and what people must think of me. 
I would rather wear wool cardigans OVER tank tops so no one can see my arms. 
I'm pretty sure if I start running fast enough my arm flab will allow me to take flight. 
I get nervous going to events, because heaven forbid someone takes a picture: 

I'm probably pointing to a piece of pizza.

Food is a mountain that I can't climb. 

I want to be ok with eating what is better for me, and not what feels better to eat in that moment. 
Because at this point: if 3 soft tacos from Taco Bell and Justin Timberlake were both hanging over lava, and I had to choose to save one or the other or else the world would explode...
I'm gonna seriously consider those 3 soft tacos. 

Exercise is something I don't want to do. 

Yet I see it come (what seems to be) so naturally for people. 
It's ingrained in them, to run, bike, P90X, or go for vertical hike. 
I'm jealous of those people as I sit on my couch like: 

I mean my portion control is so out of control that I made my dog fat:

The vet literally said, "He's a little bigger than I'd like him to be...but he is internet cute." 
I thanked her for the comment but then immediately envisioned a life for Doug that looked like this: 

Not the best look. 

I feel like I'm the girl who cried fat. 
I just keep saying that I'm fed up with my weight and then I never do anything about it. 
I just write it out and think that the weight loss fairy will descend upon me and take my cellulite away to Hollywood to add to Kim Kardashian's ass. 

So how am I going to move past this?
I have no clue. 
Im going to try REALLY HARD. 
I'm the heaviest I've ever been. 
My chin's chin has a chin. 

However, I have made one step in the right direction. 
I went out and got myself a bully. 
Yeah you read that right. 
Allie, a reader of my blog, and number one internet frang/ arch nemesis sent me an email stating that she too wanted to make a change. 
She offered to make it a little interesting, and make this a competition. 

She lives in Pittsburgh and I live in Philly so naturally we came up with the 
East coast/ West coast (of Pennsylvania) Challenge. 

She sends me inspiring emails like this: 

And inspirational photographs like this: 

Tomorrow I'm going to post a little bit more about Allie and what the Challenge looks like, and how you can join us as we rap battle our way to fitness. 


  1. I have no idea how I randomly was directed to your blog, but I am also the girl who cries fat! I will complain about it all day and say I need to lose it, but...chips and cookies and cake. I live in Pittsburgh, so I am all about the East Coast/West Coast challenge!

    1. I'm sitting on an airplane about to take off and I had to apologize to the woman sitting next to me 3 times already bc I'm fidgeting and can't get comfortable bc I'm too fat. I love that the blog post day is here and we can start kicking ass! Brandi, fellow Pittsburgher, I am calling dibs on you for team West coast Tupac fat busters. Jonesy, it's so on and I couldn't be happier.

  2. I feel the same way! Each time you write about struggles with food and weight it totally hits home with me.
    Recently my doctor told me I had to go on a specific diet (it's basically Atkins) and it sucks big time. I've been scouring the world for some support, so I'm excited to see what your challenge with Allie is. I'd love to take part and create a safe, fun and encouraging little community for us all. Support makes the weight lose journey so much more successful!

  3. ." a delicious meat tumbleweed..."

    I think I'm going to start a little journal with all your hilarious gems! Good luck with the weight loss challenge!

  4. There is a book called Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss. I love the book. I might have become a little Ferriss obsessed... I would highly recommend. I now weigh what I did in college despite living in a house with two kids and their various delicious food and a sweets obsessed husband. You and Doug so got this!

  5. I am ALSO a girl who cries fat. I am looking forward to reading more about your journey as I try to get more serious about mine.

    Came for The Bachelorette, stayed for the honesty.


  6. Amen to Brigid's comment,"Came for The Bachelorette, stayed for the honesty." I do the same damn thing. Food is just SO GOOD. I keep hoping I have whatever that light bulb moment it is that some people get--here's hoping that you're having yours right now!

  7. I'm trying to get motivated to lose some weight too! Joined the gym at work to take some exercise classes with friends, and hope to start amending my diet! Good luck in your east coast/west coast bullying!

  8. I'll let you in on a little not-so-secret - even active people don't love working out while they're doing it. I'm a runner, and I feel like crap during the actual run - breathing hard, sweating, heart racing, legs burning. It's the post-workout endorphin high that keeps us coming back. And people who say they enjoy P90X are just flat out liars.

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