My Halloween Pet Peeve

I know that Halloween is coming to a close, but as I sit on my couch, on call, waiting for the duty phone to ring it got me thinkin' about the costumes I've seen my past 27 years on earth.

 One costume in particular, really grinds my gears.
The overly sexy librarian.

Maybe it's because I wanted to be a librarian so bad when I was little that I created my own library with my own book tags and check out cards.

And that when I entered a beauty pageant and they asked what my preferred profession was I stated
"Country Singer Librarian,"
because I was a little bit country and a little bit Roald Dahl.

To be clear, I'm not debating that there aren't hot, attractive, or cute librarians in this world.

As a matter of fact Barb Jones worked in our library at my middle school and it was great.
Not only is she a total muffin:

but she got to scope out the Scholastic book sales and snag the best unicorn/Lisa Frank/WWE bookmarks for me.
(I had a wide range of tastes)

You know what Barb Jones never wore?
Uncomfortable heels.
Because everyone knows you wear A SUPPORTIVE SHOE WHEN YOU'RE WORKING WITH FINE LEATHER BOUND BOOKS.

Or Arthur.
But you treat that aardvark literature with the same respect.

Not to mention it's a safety hazard.
Having that much skin exposed with the imminent threat of a paper cut?
You have got to be outcha mind.

Maybe it's just me being a curmudgeon.
These days they'll make the most sacred things scandalous.

The only thing scandalous about my elementary school librarian Mrs. Calendar was her intense love and respect for a little someone named Dewey.
Perhaps you know him better as the Dewey Decimal System.