May 27, 2015

Amy Schumer for President




This week started with Kaitlyn looking out the window. Do you ever wonder why that's their go to shot? We know it's not organic....but apparently that how we know our Bachelorette is pondering.

Chris Harrison comes to check in and see how she is feeling about her new role.
He coyly asks her if it bothered her that some people who voted for Britt were still there, while sipping on his mason jarred lemon water a la Kermit



Kaitlyn said it was surely something she thought about, but felt good about the guys that were there.
She's all about the connection...and by connection she means her lips connected with another dude's.
Good for her. Do what you gotta do girl.

Next we caught up with Britt who was crying on her bed, looking like she hit up a Hot Topic and Pacific Sunwear before heading back to the hotel.

She calls her mom and starts "crying."
I say "crying" because I never seen any tears.
Which is a little creepy.
Britt tells her mom she's hasn't even had a chance to unpack and already has to leave.
I don't know why that was on her con list of why things sucked.
Now she doesn't have to repack her stuff....count it as a win, Boo.

Britt gets a knock at her door and it's the singing basset hound Brady, who has come to sweep her off her feet.

Naturally, they fall in love and are still together. 
#blessed

Back at the house they are getting read for the first group date of the season! 
The note says that the date may end with a ring.

The guys show up to an abandoned warehouse to find Kaitlyn filming what I'm assuming is  the end of a tampon commercial...


I thought the girl on the right was someone who was truly affected by her current coverage, but it instead it was boxing great, Laila Ali.  

The guys are going to learn how to box and then fight to the death each other. 
Kupah was super seemingly super into the work out and less about Kaitlyn which she pointed out to Laila. 
Laila then stung him with a literally bee. 
Muhammed Ali jokes. 
This blog has everything y'all. 

After learning the proper form, and all the lyrics to "Mama Said Knock You Out," the guys headed out to the boxing ring. 
A fun fact, the ring was set up in the same place the Hunger Games reaping occurred. 

One of the Ben's wins after knocking out Eyebrows...better known as Jared. 
He was carted off to the hospital while the other dudes got to have drinks on drinks with Kaitlyn. 
Halfway through a conversation, she receives a note that just says, 
"Come down stairs. I need to see you."

So naturally she just goes, because safety.

Eyebrows was downstairs waiting for her and told her that he just needed a lot of rest but wanted to see her and then they made out. 

During their encounter I started to kind of dig on 'Brows. 
Is he handsome or pretty? 
Or handsomely pretty? 
Because he's also got eyelashes for days.

One of the Ben's ended up getting the group rose because punching the hardest is hot. 

Next up was the first 1:1 date with Triceratops Clint. 

Kaitlyn took him do underwater photography shoots which according to her are all the rage right now....
Are they? 
Because if so....no thanks. 
Especially if this lady is in charge...


TriceraClint was also a little suspicious and a little afraid he was going to look like the dogs divin under the water for their toys, which made me have a pretty hearty chuckle.


After the photographer forced them to heat up their inner selves they took some pretty neat photos and then made out pretty hard in the pool. 

TriceraClint seems pretty presh. 
Man of few words but funny. 
Hopefully him and his glorious mane stick around for awhile. 

In anticipation for the second group date Crawl Space Tony was freaking out in the house. 
He kept making weird eye contact with the camera, and talking about how important his heart was in this whole process.

When the date card arrived and he was on the card, the only thing he kept repeating was, 
"Surprise, surprise. It looks like she noticed me."
Then while talking to the other guys about it he called Kaitlyn, Britt.
In it to win it folks. 
My hopes is that he gets kicked off soon and flies to "Bachelor in Paradise" to date crazy Ashley S. from last season. 
Match made in Heav.

The Bachelorette God shined down on us and blessed us with Amy Schumer. 
Not only was she perfect but she also made JJ look even more like an idiot. 
He kept telling people that he was usually 98% smarter than people in the audience to which Amy consoled him by saing, "I want to make you feel better by telling you, you're not."

He also wanted his opening line to be, 
"Hi I'm JJ. I have a kid, and I'm divorced."
To which she replied,
"I love that." 

JJ's "job" is "Former Investment Banker."
Do you think adding "unemployed" to his laundry list of an introduction would just ignite a passion too deep in a woman's heart that he left it off?

Amy summed it up best by saying she hoped he would look back on the episode, reflect a little on himself and not be such "a turd." 

Hero. She is mine. 

During the after party she talked to JJ, who cried about his daughter. 
She ended up giving him the rose for the night and I booed my TV. 


I continued to fall in love with the welder and am rooting for him to be in the top 3 so that he has a better chance to be the Bachelor. 
That's right...I'm hoping he loses. 
#noragrets

During the cocktail party before the rose ceremony Crawl Space Tony continued to be a stone cold weirdo and hoping he would be asked to leave and then climb a tree and live there in protest. 
But alas we'll never know because Kupah started a downward spiral that was truly fascinating. 

He asked Kaitlyn if she felt a connection with him, and wanted to make sure that she wasn't keeping him around to make the roster look better. 
His reference to the fact that the show seriously lacks diversity is totally valid, but seemed to get lost in his conversation with her about their connection and whether or not she really truly liked him. 

Kaitlyn insisted that she did have feelings for him, but was concerned that he was already doubting her intentions. 
She mentioned that she noticed he didn't talk to her during the group date, and seemed like he was more into the boxing than into her.
He replied that he was very uncomfortable during the date and really did not enjoy it. 
After their conversation went nowhere, Kupah told Kaitlyn that he still wanted to stay and felt a connection with her despite everything. Kaitlyn said she needed to think about it and went into the other room.
Kupah proceeded to go outside, and talk the most crap about her. 
Naturally Kaitlyn heard him, and told him she had to let him go.
Kupah said no and continued to drink, and then told her he didn't think it was bad that they were already fighting. 
When he finally realized it wasn't a negotiation, 
 
he started to fight with the producers and refused to answer their questions. 

Kaitlyn hearing him yell went outside to confront him again, and we were left with....

Scandal. 

I'm pretty impressed that Kaitlyn went back out to start Round 3 of their verbal sparring (get it boxing lingo?) instead of just watching from the window (what I would have done/do when I hear juicy stuff going on outside). 

Who knows what will go down, but if it's anything like what usually happens he probably calms down and leaves in a limo. 

Bye Kupah, we barely knew you. 

Until "Bachelor in Paradise" my friend, where we will definitely see you again.




























21 comments:

  1. WELDER MAN....FTL. (not FTW).

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  2. Thank God I'm not the only one in love with Joshua the Welder. I'm totally wanting him to lose so I can go console him in Kuna, Idaho.

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  3. So much goodness from last week. I am dying for an update from the blog.

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  4. These are so great...next please!!!

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