Oh Jones...: A Recap...a late late late recap

Feb 23, 2016

Who's the worst recapper on earth?

Me.

I thought before I finally catch up on last night's episode I would do a little run down of what happened last week...because like CNN I give you the news as it breaks.

I'll do overarching themes of the episode since it's so late and then I'll post a full recap of this week's episode soon! (Before next Monday.)

So....let's time travel to February 15th:

-They are really making it so that America falls in love with Ben. I mean a cute boy driving a classic red truck in a small town?

At least he doesn't like...love his parents or anything.

Everyone has their demons...oh JK HE'S BEST FRIENDS WITH THEM.

-Seeing Ben in his hometown was super precious and a little less terrifying than Chris's season.

Remember the abandoned building/ coffee house where whoever got their first brewed it?

Picture Ben's town a little less the day after the world ends, and a little more: the town from "Footloose" but after they were allowed to dance.

-One of the cool things about this episode was that the remaining women started their very own Babysitter's Club and shot promo photos for their new book series.

Seems like it's gonna be a good spin off.

-Ben's date with Lauren B was a real emotional experience for me. Y'all know I'm Team Becca For President, till I die BUT Lauren B and Ben....for.get.it. They are the best. Ben took her around his hometown and it was cute and I was like, "Do I love them? I mean maybe but don't get ahead of yourself." Then Ben took her to the community center where he worked for 4 years...

and introduced to her to Half Court Ronnie

and spoke about him with such admiration that I might have cried.

I'm not saying I did...but I'm not saying I didn't.

But seriously Half Court Ronnie is a true American hero and will have no problem winning at least 3 cars at basketball game halftime shows throughout his life.

Then it was like ok...this can't get cuter right? They look so in love and they're having such a good time, but it's not like he's going to help a crying kid or help a baby dunk a basketball...

Well, shit.

-His 1:1 date with Jojo was sweet. But after you hang out with Ben and Lauren B it's kinda like watching a Joey and Dawson scene right after she hung out with Pacey.

Can we talk about how they gave her a jersey with "Mrs. Higgins" on the back? It should have had an asterisk with a footnote that read: "Maybe...we can't confirm or deny it. Suck it Reality Steve. Go Cubbies."

-Ben keeps saying how much he's himself around Jojo and how much he likes her and how much he wants her to be vulnerable. What could possibly go wrong...right? Again they're cute and all but...I feel like she's going to be heartbroken and I worry for her. Because it's normal to care about these women on a personal level, ok?

-When the final date card showed up and it was determined that Emily would be going on a 1:1, I had my fingers and toes crossed that it was going to just be Ben in driveway helping her put her bags in an uber ride to airport...and while we had to sit through the group date until her fate was revealed, I remained hopeful...

But seriously...what happened to her thumb?

-That group date was brutally uncomfortable. Caila is not my favorite. She seems like a Disney Princess with an evil streak and it makes me nervous. Like has her boyfriend reached out to the media? Do we know if he's still with us? Because I wouldn't put violence past her. Though she is little...she is fierce...ly underestimated.

The caveat with this date, was that it was the only one with a rose and the only one with a guaranteed trip home with Ben. Becca, feeling the pressure of not getting a lot of 1:1 time with him, asked him to PLEASE not blindside her if he wasn't feeling it. She said please you guys.

When he ended up giving the rose to Amanda, Becca cried, and that's like watching a puppy get kicked...TERRIBLE.

Please don't cry buddy. Please?

-When Amanda was given the rose they went on a night date to...McDonalds. Yep, if you thought the obvious plug from "Ride Along 2" was bad try working the drive thru and getting your ass handed to you by someone who wanted a hash brown from the All-Day Breakfast menu, but your at a location that only has pancakes and Egg McMuffins. Ice Cube and Kevin Hart for life.

Then they went to a carnival and Ben was terrified of the rides because "they're set up in one day."

I never really thought of it like that but now I am and I'm never riding one again.

-Emily's 1:1 date with his parents was also cringeworthy.

At some points I was truly concerned that she lied on her application and was in fact 18 years old.

When his dad asked what she liked and didn't like and her answer was,

"I like movies and I don't like vegetables," I racked my brain for what movie she was quoting and when I realized it was just her quoting herself...I knew...she was a goner.

I mean, c'mon his mom started crying thinking about Emily long term in her life.

Sure, Emily was willing to fulfill her dream of becoming an NFL cheerleader in Denver, because the since Ben lived there...but how long could she make the sacrifice of cheering for the Super Bowl Champions?