I'd like to say I have been blog MIA because I've been mourning Becca still...or like...on an adventure but the truth is:
I'm scatter brained.
I watched the hometowns...and woah buddy.
They were brutal.
Ok...Lauren's was fine.
Caila's dad was....interesting...
Jojo's was a dumpster fire.
There's a solid chance her brothers are actually in love with her and her mom may have never watched the show but she sho knows how to open a bottle of wine....
That was a stretch. I felt it. You felt it.
Let's move on from it.
The top three was a humid love fest in Jamaica and I feel VERY WEIRD ABOUT IT.
Caila was first up.
Her and Ben went on a strange river boat ride where they played the Silent Game...
That's what it felt like at least.
She was nervous and just wanted him to know how much she loved him.
So, that evening, she told him.
She said that even though he couldn't say it back she could tell from his breath that he loved her back.
I'm no expert, but I'm pretty positive you can tell when someone has had Doritos via their breath not if they are in deep passionate love with you.
I've been wrong before.
The Fantasy Suite was utilized and it was essentially a snooze fest.
For us and them I'm assuming.
Lauren's date was second, and smell my breath so you know it's real, I love the two of them.
They saved baby sea turtles with this guy:
|please be single please be single|
via TV & Jelly
And their little fins waved to the camera.It was like Squirt from "Finding Nemo" was in front of our faces.
via TV & Jelly
It was precious.
Way better than riding a boat and eating a burrito with Caila.
Well, I mean the burrito part seemed cool...but everything else: hard pass.
That evening Lauren finally decided she was ready to tell Ben she loved him even though he couldn't say it back.
Except he did.
Breaking Benjamin over here bucked the system and told Lauren he loved her too.
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They also utilized the Fantasy Suite which left me thinking that
Jojo would probably have to go home and marry one of her brothers because Ben clearly couldn't be in love with both of them.
My concern for Jojo's date increased when Ben just kept saying he loved Lauren.
It wasn't like a slip...he went all out.
"Can you hand me that spoon? I love you."
"Chris Harrison is going to beat me. I love you."
"Do they fine me like the NFL if I say it again? I love you."
Two things were a shock on Jojo's date:
1. This bathing suit.
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Didn't think it was one for a second. Thought it was just an outline of lace triangles.
2. Jojo said she loved Ben and HE SAID IT TO HER TOO.
She said, "What? Can you say that?"
Yeah girl, we didn't know either.
They talked a little bit about her family during her hometown but in the end it was pretty much an "I love you" fest the rest of the day.
They are a cute couple but I have a sneaky feeling Jojo is going to go home heartbroken.
Which is why I thought this was a big episode of ick.
Ben is probably my favorite Bachelor.
He's sweet, he's kind, he seems to genuinely care for people, but in his attempts to be honest and truthful he is setting one of those women up for a cry till you barf kind of heartache.
I don't know if I can get down with that.
Will I watch it?
But know that I will fill gross the entire time.
With all that being said the episode wasn't even over.
Caila wanted to "surprise" Ben to spend time with him.
Meanwhile Ben was sitting on a bench contemplating the best way to break up with her.
Just like the beginning of a rom com Caila loves.
|via via TV & Jelly|
Needless to say she was blindsided.
She tried to understand but overall was mortified.
I'm sure the birds that help her get ready in the morning will help her get through this trying time.
Jojo and Lauren both showed up for the rose ceremony, telling Chris how Ben said, "I love you."
Chris took the news well:
|"I'm going to murder him."|
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Both women were handed roses, and Ben seemed hopeful that they would agree to a sister wives situation.
|"TLC will pick us up ladies, I can feel it."|
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The finale looks like an effing roller coaster and I am stressed the F out.
My heart says Lauren.
What about yours?