Jul 4, 2016

Don't Cry for Me ....Derrick?

Happy 4th of July! 
This week we have a rerun--because apparently there is an assumption that we all have a ton to do on the 4th of July, and wouldn't be parked in front of our televisions watching Alex try to give one of the tall guys an "up top" high five. 
So I thought, ""Hey, you sorry excuse for a blogger, why don't you do your recap from last week that's been sitting in your drafts"...and here we are.
This week the gang made a trip to Argentina. 
The guys met up with Chris, who told them this week for the first time ever, there was going to be ANOTHER 2:1 date, plus the usual schedule. 
I literally hate all of you...so much...I could cry.
Cue panic at the disco...
However the 1:1 date of the night went to Wells. 
Our little iron deficient vampire, Wells.
Is he not sleeping? Or just not eating enough red meat?
The date card implied that she wanted to "finally" kiss him. 
Wells told the guys the truth...he had not kissed Jojo yet. 
If Wells told the guys he was pregnant, they couldn't have acted more surprised. 

As they walked to their date...it was awkward. 
Ass out hug and kiss on the cheek awkward. 
From their chemistry I wasn't sure if we were going to watch them kiss or just hang by the wall at a high school dance. 
I was fine with either. 
I love The Wobble.
The date was based around performance art, where they stripped down into their underwear or jeans (if you're Wells) and hung out in a suspended slip and slide. 
Nothing says "Kiss me" like wear wet jeans and hair plastered to your face. 
But it set the mood right for them and they finally kissed. 
We all thought, "these two crazy kids might make it." 
Untillllll dinner. 
Wells said his last relationship ended because they became best friends and there wasn't any passion, which happens according to him. 
Passion fades. Friendships forever. 
"Those mashed potatoes look like a pillow."
In all fairness the passion may end for Wells because he's so effing tired all the time.
Jojo said that she felt that passion could be in a relationship forever, and it worried her that Wells would settle for white bread when there was an everything bagel out there ready to surprise him...
That analogy didn't go where I wanted it to... 
So she sent Wells back to his DJ booth. 
Look at Nashville, he's back, and ready to tell you the traffic and weather on the 8's.

The group date was next, with James, Jordan, Alex, Luke, and Robby. 
Robby, unconcerned about being on the group date because he is the self-proclaimed
"front runner" was ready to show the guys how in love they were.
He's also the worst.
The guys strolled the streets and came across a soccer game and naturally joined in. 
Most of the guys...ok really just Jordan showed off which made sweet sweet James self conscious about his dad bod. 
That is a LIGHT wash on those jeans Jordan...LIGHT.
However, when it came down to penalty kicks to see who would get to kiss Jojo, James won and got to kiss right in front of Jordan's perfect face. 

Yes. I've turned on Jordan. 
I read an article where it said he and Aaron don't speak, and if Aaron don't like ya...I don't like ya. 
This is how I rationalize things folks. 
I can't explain it. 

Later that evening, the guys hang out with Jojo. 
And while not everyone was invited to the leather jacket party, Jojo and Luke seemed ready to reenact the last scene of "Grease" if necessary. 

I'm not sure if everyone feels this way, but they are HOT together. 
And if they spent their lives in matching leather making out in front of people I think they would make a lucrative life for themselves. 
Luke is just...the best. 

James, falling into the"I'm insecure, gotta throw someone under the bus" role used his time to throw Jordan under the bus. 
According to James, during a game of poker, Jordan made a final say on the rules and was extremely entitled.
James didn't think that was the kind of guy Jojo needed. 
Some might say he was taking Jordan at FACE value.
Anyone....?
No?
Cool. 
I love James, but he's gotta cool it if he thinks talking trash is going to send someone other than him home. 
We see it every time. 

When Jordan talked to Jojo he was shocked. 
Leather...the new helicopter of the Bachelorette.
James was his "best friend" in  the house and didn't understand how that reflected his character. 
When he came back to the room it was tense
Jordan swished his wine around so hard that everyone could smell the oaky undertones. 
(I went to a wine tasting once.  That was a phrase they used.)
He confronted James who confirmed their conversation. 
The conflict ended there, and Luke ended up getting the group date rose. 
As you can see there was no mention of Robby, because he's the front runner, and had little to no air time. 

The 2nd 2:1 was last between Evil Jim Halpert (Derrick) and my second favorite, Chase. 
They learned to tango. 
Reminds you of the last dance in "Center Stage" a little, huh?
It was an awkward date to signify a struggle of who to keep. 


Evil Jim thought that he was golden because he was the front runner. 
(Who is telling them that? Who?)
During his 1:1 time with Jojo he told her she was falling for him and she basically said "Thanks."

Chase was surprised when Jojo told him that she thought she liked him more than he liked her. 
He said, "Nu uh. I like you a lot."
Which was apparently all she needed to hear because she quickly sent Evil Jim Derrick home. 

As Derrick left, Chase and Jojo made their way to the dance floor where a woman began to sing "Don't Cry for me Argentina."
Pan back to Derrick who started to refer to himself in 3rd person and cry.
The camera went from Evita to crying Derrick for SEVERAL minutes.




Chase and Jojo made out and the night ended. 
I think out of all the guys, Jojo has the best chemistry with Chase and Luke, but think she's still really intrigued by Jordan which makes me nervous because he's slimey. 

At the rose ceremony, it came down to one final rose and James and Alex standing there. 
Jojo left and told Chris Harrison she couldn't give it out. 
She came back and Chris brought in a second rose, so both men stayed. 
Alex, who whenever he wears a suit reminds me of an child applying for a bank loan, exclaimed that he was pissed because he got a pity rose. 
He wants to feel wanted. 
Apparently making sure he got a rose wasn't enough of an expression. 
He wants a 1:1 date.

As the season chugs along, who do you think is the next to go home? 
Who are your favs? 






















11 comments:

  1. 'A child applying for a bank loan' Spot on!!

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  2. I love your recaps, hilarious. And I've been calling Derek "Evil Jim" since he stepped out of the limo, it's kind of creepy how much he looks like him.

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  3. The only thing this week solidified for me is the fact that James and Alex will be going home next week! There is no way she is keeping them. I do think there is a slight chance that James gets the Bachelor spot but he may be too "nice guy" like Ben was.

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  4. Jojo sure got a rotten crop of guys this season. Tis the season of bad hair, bad attitudes, leather jackets and tight pants. I really don't like anyone this season. Is anyone else feeling bored?

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  6. I'm bored with this season....the only thing keeping me interested are these recaps. I don't love any of these leather clad clowns. James is ok...well besides his tragic hair. Like you, I do like Chase second best...but I'm not feeling any of them as her long-term match. And, Jordan is the worst. The. Worst.

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