Jan 12, 2017

Corrine? More Like Cor-run

Remember when Ben was the Bachelor, and the only thing we were all really scared of getting swallowed by Olivia like Pinocchio did with the whale?
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Simpler times. 

Now we're all looking over our shoulders for the human tornado that is Corrine. 

That girl is the opposite of a real crowd pleaser, she's more of a prequel to a woman that ends up on, "Snapped." 

The first date was a group date where the women were different brides and bridesmaids being photographed by a man named Franco. At the end of the shoot, Franco would pick the winner, and they would be given something special.
Really just picture the makeover episodes of America's Next Top Model, and you'll be able to picture the scene. 
You might not be able to picture Franco though, so here: 
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As the women get ready, we learn that Corrine has never been a bridesmaid, which is weird because she seems like the kind of girl that has healthy empowering relationships with other women.

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Seeing as this is the women's second time being with Nick, there were a lot of comments about how confident they felt in their relationship with him. 
Pump those brakes ladies. 
We don't unpack that set of catchphrases for at least 1 more week. 

While one woman only wore a leaf to fit the Adam and Eve theme, most were pretty tame. 
Except for....Corrine. 
She was given "Beach Bride" naturally modelly a beautiful white string bikini. 
Her look would be found in the 90s Light Rock Music Video section at David's Bridal. 
Sweet fact though, that bikini was passed down to her by her nanny. 
Traditions...they really make an impact. 

Honestly, the most importit...sorry important thing that happened during that whole excursion is when Corrine hopped in the water with Nick, and took her top off. 
Risky...but fine. 

Then Ms. Jackson if your nasty's "Rolling Stone" cover came to her mind...
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and she decided to reenact it with Nick.
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She yelled, "Nick, hold my boobs!"
And...he did. 
As one could imagine, the other women were really impressed with her creativity and didn't feel even a little bit threatened.
Everyone remained calm, and no one called her names. 
They showed a lot of maturity and growth. 

Just kidding, if drowning her in the pool wasn't going to have them modeling for a mugshot, I feel confident they would have been pushing each other out of the way to make it happen.

To add insult to the full frontal boobery, Corrine was deemed the winner of the group date and had another photoshoot with Nick. 
The picture they show on Dateline, before you find out she killed him.
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Here's the thing about Corrine, in case you haven't noticed, she ain't subtle. 

Which means at the cocktail party, she continued to talk about how great her relationship was with Nick. 
She also wanted to reiterate that Nick held her boobs. 
Her bare boobs. 
With his bare hands. 
She was also the first one to steal him, and then steal him again, and then yet again. 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting Corrine
Interrupting Corrin-
HE TOUCHED MY BOOBS.

Nick said he liked her initiative. 
She then gave him, a deep, "you belong in Azkaban," soul sucking kiss, while the other women tried to figure out how a dementor got through the background screening.

Corrine also received the group date rose. 
Which she said she got for, "JUST.BEING.CORRINE."
Then oddly said, "xoxo, Gossip Girl." 
She is, if nothing else, nailing her tag lines. 

That's so Raven, pointed out that if Nick was interested in someone who lead with sex appeal then maybe that's why he was on his fourth try. 


The 1:1 date went to Danielle. 

Hello 'copter my old friend...
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Their date was cute. They hung out on a yacht. 
Nick offered her a nice cheese plate.
She told him a very VERY sad story about finding her fiance dead after an overdose, and Nick was so sweet and kind to her. 

She got the rose and I'm hopeful that she stays around for awhile. 
She's got Lauren B vibes. 


Meanwhile back at the house Liz was trying to remain inconspicuous and not draw attention to her and Nick's previous relationship.
Everything is fine.
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She felt like she did need to process her feelings about everything so she decided to tell everything to Christen. 
Because she looked trustworthy and like someone who would keep her secret. 

Yes. Christen. 
The one who looks and acts like Gretchen Weiners. 
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Liz tells her the story of Jade & Tanner's wedding and how they hooked up. 
Christen said, she would never say anything to anyone ever about it.


Mini confession: Every time Liz says she slept with Nick nine months ago I keep thinking that she's going to say she's pregnant. 
Then I have to remind myself that she would have brought the baby with her, and would not have just found out she was pregnant. 
#science

Btw, did anyone else notice that while Liz was cooking up her plan in the kitchen, one of the girls was passed out on a bench?

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Are women just playing dead so they don't have to talk to Corrine?
According to an article I read about the mansion, on Trulia (because I'm big into real estate..j/k I'm just nosey) it has 6 bedrooms, so she could have at least caught a nap in one them.
Or does she need assistance? 

Liz got the opportunity to talk to Nick she was hoping for, because she was on the group date card.
A group date at a museum for broken relationships. 
#foreshadowing

Nick's ring and rose for Kaitlyn were in a glass case of emotion  in the museum and he spoke to the women about how real that pain was, and how he could still put himself in that moment.

The way Nick keeps referring to his time on the show is starting to feel like that guy who graduated but still hangs out with the team and tells them about the good ole days. 
He also mentioned how much he's come to appreciate group dates, and embracing them for what they are...

During the date the women have to role play breaking up with Nick. 
It was that moment when I would have rather had them sing to him. 
Just kidding, I envisioned what that would've looked like and I changed my mind. 
Singing into someone's face remains number one, on my "Do Not Want" list. 

The most eventful "break up" was when Liz laid it all out for Nick, talking about their time together. 
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No one really knew what was going on, but felt the heaviness in the room. 
Nick, mortified by potentially being called out for his relationship with her, knew he had to make moves quickly, to avoid any conflict. 
Nick talked to the women and no one brought up his weird encounter with Liz. 
Well, except for the secret keeper of the century, Christen. 
She told him she knew of the situation but zipped her mouth shut and threw away the key. 
Sensing that Christen was probably going to crack...

Nick pulled Liz aside.
There he told her that he wasn't really interested in her and that she could have reached out.
He sent her home, and it seemed like the right decision. 

Since were gone for awhile, the women started to talk. 
Christen did her best to "not tell anyone" about what happened between the two of them but essentially hinted hard that there was a prior relationship. 

Nick told the women that Liz was sent home, and confirmed their prior hookup. 

The episode ended without a rose ceremony but with a preview of the women coming to terms with Liz and Nick. 

It's about to get hella dramatic for no reason y'alllllll. 
I can't wait. 

What were your thoughts on Liz? 
Do you think the ladies being so upset is justified? 

Let me know in the comments! 

21 comments:

  1. I no longer remember what life was before your recaps. <3 <3

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  2. Hi. Re: He sent Liz home. Girlz are stupid!!! Why do they care?! She gone. "What, do they think they're gettin' a virgin?"-Jacob's Dad

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  3. Love yout updates. Glad Liz got sent home-she's a fame whore. Corrine is nut. Guess the writers keep her on for at least 4 more episoes-for ratings of course.

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  4. As as always I love your recaps, but I just wanted to tell you how much more I love your writing. Whether it's one of your Bachelor posts or a different topic, you never fail to make me laugh or bring a smile to my face. Seriously, you're one of my blogging inspirations. Okay, I better stop here before I make it too weird. K BYE. *bolts out the door*

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    1. OMG. This made my whole week. I actually called my mom and read it to her. Too much information? Maybe. But thank you so much. You're the coolesttttttttt

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  5. "Her look would be found in the 90s Light Rock Music Video section at David's Bridal." This line killed me.

    And then I got to, "Hello 'copter my old friend..." Really dead now!

    Thanks for the always funny and always accurate recaps! The highlight of my week!

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  6. I'm. Dead. I can't even handle how amazing your recaps are. Hands down, best one yet.

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  7. Best part of the show: your recaps.

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  8. YES Gretchen Weiners...nailed it.
    If I had to hear the phrase "Jade and Tanner's wedding" one more time I may have had to quit. Just kidding I'll never walk away!

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    1. your user name is everything. #lizlemon4life

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  9. SO glad you are back! I like Raven. This is still the part of the season where I cant tell people apart quite yet though. Except Corinne. Apprproiate name for a lady I could def see in a VC Andrews novel, hiding any extra kids in the attic.

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    1. I like Raven too! If she doesn't go far I'm sure she'll be in paradise!

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  10. have you seen this? hilarious!

    https://www.gofundme.com/freeraquel2k17

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