Jan 20, 2017

Whipped Into A Frenzy....

The cliffhanger of last week was pretty short lived. 
Pretty much immediately we were whisked to the cocktail party, where Nick said, 
"I had sex with Liz." 

And the girls were all: 

Of course some of the women were "shocked" and were "sad" by the revelation, but Corrine seemed to sum it up best by saying that the girls were overreacting. 
Could it be? 
Corrine was taking a turn into rational thought? 
LOL. 
No. 
She followed up by saying she was just mad that Liz had "intercourse" with Nick before she could. 
While some were still dry heaving from the use of the word intercourse, others were noticing that she was flashing herself in the mirror, wearing only a trench coat. 

Like Carmen San Diego...
but in a khaki jacket...
and naked underneath....
and everyone is wondering where she is...
and what she's doing. 

Little did we all know, she was planning on turning on the "sex charm." 

After struggling to get down the stairs, she found Nick and told him she had a plan that involved whipped cream.
This very non-descript brand, that was disguised so well.

She sprayed some in his mouth, and leading with her tongue, like all sexperts do, she kissed him. 


Do you remember in the wedding singer when Julia Gulia is envisioning her first kiss
She says she wants church tongue, and not porno tongue? 
Corrine always wants porno tongue. 
Doesn't matter the occasion. 
Her grandma could be watching...
Porno tongue. 
Filling out a Girl Scout cookie order...
Porno tongue. 
Sky diving...
Porno tongue.

She don't care. 
Later she put some on her chest and told him to "take it off her boob." 

They say romance is dead. 

Whenever I watch this show, I always think, what would I do in that situation? 
Could I hang?
The majority of the time the answer is....nope. 
But, here, as I watched Corrine spray whipped cream into her mouth, I could envision myself there, doing that same thing. 

Except it wouldn't be in a seductive fashion.
I would most likely be eating it while asking Nick if he's ever been to Wrestlemania. 
And I definitely wouldn't share...

Nick said that he was struggling a little bit with Corrine. 
He was juggling being respectful to the other women, but also fulfilling his life long dream of remaking that scene from "Varsity Blues." 

Someone ended up interrupting them, which Corrine took as a bad sign. 
So she cried in the bathroom about not being able to do anything with him. 
If that was nothing, God help us when she does something. 

After her breakdown, Corrine went to her room and fell asleep, or sugar induced coma. 
She didn't feel the need to go the rose ceremony because, well, she already had one. 

Everyone was a little surprised she didn't make an appearance but also didn't really care.
Nick, being an expert, was a little taken aback that she didn't come down, but it didn't seem to really sway his feelings about her....at all. 

The first group date was pretty exciting,  for all boy band fans. 
The Backstreet Boys, showed up in the living room telling the girls that they shouldn't wear heels and that they would be dancing with them for the afternoon.

As a dedicated stalker fan  of *NSYNC, and proud owner (and displayer) of all 5 bobble head dolls, I was slightly bitter that they weren't there. 
It's probably for the best because I'm a firm believer that, in the presence of Justin Timberlake, no woman or man would give a what what about Nick Viall. 


When the women get to the date, they rehearse with BSB, and find out that they will be performing with them that night on stage. The woman who does the best will be serenaded by them in front of the crowd. 

Corrine, a self proclaimed terrible dancer, "tries" but then runs out of the room when it's obvious that she's not getting the attention from Nick. 


He doesn't follow her, and she continues to be whipped up in a frenzy. 
(See what I did there.)

Danielle M  prevailed, and was picked as the winner, by AJ. 
As they danced while everyone watched, and wondered what was going on with Nick's shirt, it was a nice reminder that when he's not being consumed by Corrine, he's not so bad.

At the after party, Corrine grabs Nick first, and tells him she was worried about their time together. 
He tells her he doesn't think twice about it, and she's reassured that they are going to live a life together. 
Just the two of them...and Raquel. 
Who's Raquel? 

Let's take a deep dive, shall we?

Corrine, while talking about her desire for a "tiny" boob job after she has kids, says that she would have to start preparing her nanny. 

The women, confused, ask her to explain. 
She explains, that Raquel is the proud nanny of a 24 year old woman...named Corrine.
She makes her cucumbers, cheese pasta, and bed. 
Why does she have a nanny?
Because Raquel loves her job.
No one can believe it. 
Especially the professional cheerleader. 
She literally fell over herself with confusion.

The group date rose ended up going to Danielle M. 
Corrine wasn't upset though. 
She knew that Danielle only got the rose, so that she wouldn't have a target on her back.
Yeah...the group roses. 
Not that you're the notorious Bachelor Mansion Flasher.

The 1:1 date went to Vanessa, who has princess hair. 
They hopped on a zero force airplane where the experienced what it was like to be an astronaut. 
Nick said he wasn't sure if anyone ever kissed in space, but from the looks of it, that kiss was out of this world. (get it...?)



Because the plane had to do so many dips and tricks to help them float, it can make folks a little nauseous. 

Pretty quickly the space dance is over, and Vanessa throws up in the most polite way I've ever seen. 

The rest of the date, Nick held her hair, rubbed her back, and comforted her. 

It was again confirmed that, when he's not being egged on to do scandalous things, he's actually pretty sweet. 

After chewing gum, for what I'm hoping was a good hour and a half, Nick kissed and told her she still tasted fine. 
So gross...yet somehow...so sweet. 

Vanessa talked about how comfortable she felt around Nick, and how she was so thankful he was there. 
I would like to point out that she looks like this after she pukes:
AFTER.
Did I mention after?
AFTER.

God bless their relationship. 
If I was on a date and started puking I'm pretty sure I would act like I was turning into a werewolf so they wouldn't look at me, or potentially talk to me ever again. 
Yes, in my book, it is better to be thought as a mythical werewolf, than to be watched while throwing up. 

Later in the evening, they had a very open and honest conversation about why they were there. 
Vanessa said that she started the show shortly after the passing of her grandfather, and that even though it's been difficult being away from her family, Nick has really made everything worth it. 

Nick started crying and said that their date made him very optimistic. 
I mean, heck, it made me optimistic. 

The last group date was deemed a Nickathalon. 
Ladies.
They would be competing in various track & field events to win some hot tub time with Nick.
Just casually placed on the side of the track.

Dominique, feeling entitled to 1:1 time with him, felt a lot of pressure for their first official date. 
During most of their time together she was either complaining he wouldn't look at her, worried that she was too in her head, and actually being too in her head. 
For Bachelor historians, it's pretty telling when a girl who you've never seen before starts heavily complaining about lack of time. 
But, alas, the women kept telling her to go out there and be somebody, and try to make Nick see why she was there. 

While the women ran, threw, and long jumped a few athletes stood out. 
Rachel, Lex Shark, and Astrid. 
Astrid also stood out because of poor support, if you catch my drift, but also for her "athleticism."


The women's final task was a dash to a ring. 
The winner would get their hot tub time. 

Rachel, took off, but because she is fierce and fit af, she overshot the ring grab, and it dropped to the ground. 
Here's how it went: 

I won!
F.
I believe that I will win.
Or breaking your freaking fingers, you third place loser.
Astrid, who technically came in third scooped the broken ring off the ground and jumped in the hot tub with Nick in all of her sweaty work out gear. 
So not only did she get alone time, she probably got some ring worm too. 


Dominique continued to complain about not having any time with Nick, and how he was ignoring her. 
Meanwhile, Rachel continued to charm the hearts of America, by telling him she wasn't picky about how she got to spend time with him, but just that she got time at all. 

Watching from the shadows, Dominique decided it was time to let Nick know how she felt. 
After Rachel left, Dom told Nick that she was going to be honest, and be real with him. 
Nick never gave her a chance, and constantly pulled away from her when she tried to make a connection with him. 
She needed to feel special. 
Nick, sensing this probably wasn't the right place for her, sent Dominique home. 

Bai. 
Rachel got the group date rose, and I'm very hopeful that if she doesn't get picked, she becomes the next Bachelorette. 
She is a peach. 

The next day, Chris Harrison rolled in to tell the women, that there would be no rose ceremony...
but there would be
A POOL PARTY. 


Lex Shark, my second favorite for pure entertainment value, was a little hesitant about the pool party. 
Those women were ready for Nick, and the second he arrived they were lotioning him up like it was the first time he was ever exposed to the sun. 
Is there such a thing as too much sunscreen?
He could have gone down a slip and slide without water he was so slick.

Naturally, Corrine saw this as an opportunity to show off how fun she was, and asked the producers to blow up a bounce house. 
She invited Nick in and then essentially straddled him, like she was in a White Snake video. 

Have I already made the reference?
If I have, it still applies. 
She is forever mimicking rock music video vixens. 
It's concerning.
Mainly because I'm unsure what kind of supervision Raquel has with her during screen time.

The women peaking through the fence saw the raunchy behavior, and instead of running in and double bouncing the f out of both of them, decided to be appalled on the outside. 

Once Nick left the castle, he was met with an onslaught of women coming to let him know just how terrible Corrine was, and that she had a nanny, and that she didn't even know how to clean a spoon. 
Everyone knows you put it under the stream of water in the sink, and soak yourself with the splash back. 
Duh. 

The episode ended with Vanessa finally confronting him, and saying that she wasn't disappointed in Corrine, she was disappointed in him. 

Her approach was unforgiving but with the quality date and conversations they had, why would she be easy on him. 
Nick a little flabbergasted tried to defend himself, but overall stammered. 

This is his fourth time around folks. 
I want more dates like Vanessa's. 
I don't want him ending up with a scrub like Corrine. 
Because, I'm serious--I'm not going through this with him again. 
I don't care how much Bella cries. 
4th down Nick. 
Make it count. 




(all screen captured images from abc.go.com)

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