Feb 3, 2017

MAYbe a little Hocus Pocus


This week's episode of "Rachel is Perfect and Should Be the Bachelorette Even if Nick Picks Her," was another eventful one. 
And by eventful I mean there was a 2:1 date with Corrine and Taylor, and a ghost kid. 

Our to be continued brought us back to Corrine and Taylor fighting in the Emotional Intelligence Octagon. 

Corrine, although a little confused if intellgency was a word, made sure Taylor knew that she was street and people smart. 
Taylor tried her best to demean Corrine but in the end, no one can out mean girl THE mean girl. 

To add a little insult to the nerd Taylor's confrontation, Corrine went to Nick to tell her how attacked she felt and how Taylor wasn't there for the right reasons. 

Before the rose ceremony began, you could tell that Taylor was shook. 

Corrine on the other hand was fairly confident that Taylor was gone forever, as she held her rose, and Taylor watched as the number of flowers dwindled...
But then at last Taylor got the rose and Corrine...well she Corrine'd

After the ceremony Nick told the girls that they were going to New Orleans! 
He said he couldn't think of a better place to fall in love. 
New Orleans...the Paris of the south. 


There were some good date moments this week for sure, but I just want to take a minute to truly recognize and appreciate Left Shark Alexis. 

She is truly a national treasure...maybe that's a Nic Cage reference....maybe it's not. 
Let's say it is. 

Here are the top four reasons she's great:

1. She believes in aliens and is afraid of Nicolas Cage. 

2. When talking about going to New Orleans, she said she was excited for gators, grits, and a good time:

3. While on the group date she put on a mask and looked directly at the camera to say: 

4. Whenever she's with Nick, they seem to just goof around and have fun. Clearly she's not going to be his pick, but she literally gives zero f's and I love it. 

Back to the episode. 
Rachel got the first 1:1 date. 
I think it's safe to say, based on my Twitter timeline alone, that America wants to date Rachel Lindsay. 


The date started with Nick buying her only the finest things the producers' money could buy, followed up with a trip to eat beignets. 
I hope Rachel knows how lucky she was on that date. 
Eating a powdery donut in front of a guy you want to make out with?
SHOW ME WHERE TO SIGN! 
Plus she got a front row seat to Nick trying one for the very first time. 

Hot.
They found a second line, a tradition in New Orleans, where you celebrate in the street. 
Not gonna lie...Nick had some moves. 


She was impressed. 
I was impressed. 
Jasmine watching from the window as they passed by the women's hotel.....not so impressed. 
(For someone who has interacted with Nick maybe twice, it's funny how up in arms she gets about everything.

As the day date ended it was clear that Rachel had it bad for Nick. 
Their chemistry is solid. 

While my heart remains reserved for Pacey Witter, I'm open to marrying Rachel. 
She's perfect. 
Even Barb Jones, who texted me to ask what was wrong with the women, admitted that Rachel was "cute."
#endorsedbyBarb

At dinner Rachel opened up more to Nick about her family. 
Her dad is a federal judge, who Nick became even more terrified to meet. 
Nick let her know that not only nervous to meet parents in general but specifically because he already asked two sets of parents to marry their daughter and it didn't work out. 
He didn't want parents of the woman he chose to think that she wasn't equally special. 
And then it got kinda dusty in my apartment and I was like...whew these are definitely tears from the dust and not this show. 

The dust. 

He also told her, that even if it was breaking the rules, he was super into her. 
Nick said he didn't think of anyone else when she was around. 

SO MUCH DAMN DUST.


Rachel for Prez.
Or for Bachelorette if things don't work out. 
But not Paradise. 
She's too good for it. 

The group date was next. 
No surprise but everyone but Corrine and Taylor were on the date card. 

New Orleans, being one of the most haunted cities in America, naturally has many haunted houses. 
So they found the most haunted one, and just went right on in. 

I don't know about you but I don't do haunted stuff very well. 
I believe in ghosts, and I'm not trying to make them mad. 
I'm fine with being followed around by one if it's Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" or just the actual ghost of Patrick Swayze, but other than that hard pass on haunted anything tours. 

Raven had similar thoughts and said that if she found a ghost she was going to "rebuke that thing in the name of Jesus." 

They were greeted by the caretaker of the house 

who much like Regina George's mom, preferred them to drink in the house, and gave them a tray full of mint juleps. 

He also told them about May, the child ghost, who haunted the house in search of her doll that NO ONE was to touch. 

You know what's scarier than an adult ghost. 
A KID GHOST. 
They're extra pissed because they died early, they can't bring their toys with them, and that adults are messing with their stuff. 
I get it kid ghosts, I get it. 
I respect it. 
(Yes I'm typing as if they read my blog...I don't know ghosts' lives. Technology has advanced a lot.)

The women all agree to be respectful of May's things. 
Except for Jasmine who touches everything, and even wears May's hat. 
Ghosts don't like jokes, Jasmine.
Why else do you think they say boo? 

Later they decide to pull out a Ouija board. 


Cool. 
What's next guys? 
Jumanji? 
Have fun waiting in the jungle till May rolls a 5 or 8. 

While Nick pulled women away to chat, the others stayed in the house to form connections with May. 

Blonde Danielle and Vanessa looked in the mirror with candles and asked May if she was there. 
The candles flickered. 
Then they asked if they were safe and the candles flickered more. 
They took it as a good sign. 

The candles could have also been flickering because they were talking over an open flame, but you know, believe in your dreams, ladies. 

Brown haired Danielle told Nick how much she cared for him and was generally a snooze fest. 
Raven, told him that she loved him, and made no apologies for it. 
Blonde Danielle made out with him so well that she ended up getting the group date rose. 
Jasmine left with no 1:1 time and a ghost to haunt her eternally. 
So win win for everybody. 


Back at the hotel, Corrine and Taylor were gearing up for their 2:1 date. 
Corrine surrounded her self with steak, salad, cheese pasta, and champagne. 

Taylor was surrounded by candles and essential oils, holding on hard to the fact that Corrine wouldn't know emotional intelligence if Raquel hit her over the head with it. 

The date was set in the bayou. 
The women were set to wrestle an alligator and then hillbilly hand fish for Nick's undying devotion. 

Not really but it would have been way cooler than the awkward tarot reading and subsequent she said/she said that actually happened. 

I mean yes, the voodoo priestess seemed very nice and the tarot card reader seemed to know how annoying it was for everyone to be there...

but honestly it was time for Nick to make his choice. 
In the end he chose, Corrine, and they rode off in the sunset in a speedboat piloted by a man who looked like every villain in "Roadhouse."


Taylor stayed back and joined a nice coven...
who empowered her to go to Nick and Corrine's date and confront them. 
Winnie, Mary, and Sarah Sanderson told her with a master's level education and a new found voodoo priestess power she was too good to be left behind. 

It ended with her rolling into Corrine and Nick's dinner date, and yet another to be continued. 

I respect the producers' hustle but it's almost time to move on from Corrine. 
There are some goodies that are on this show, and I want to see their relationships with Nick develop. 
I need insurance that this is going to work out. 
Because seriously Nick, this is it. 

What are your thoughts about this week? 

Are you Team Taylor?

Or are you Team Corrine and want her to ride it out as long as possible?

Let me know in the comments! 

7 comments:

  1. I, too, am in love with Rachel and if he doesn't pick her I will be devastated!

    Also, I think that Nick is going to send BOTH Corinne and Taylor home at the beginning of the next episode. It's clear that neither one of them are wife material so let's just get it over with now!

    I would love to see more Shark Girl. She is hilarious! Shark Girl for prez!

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  2. You're my favorite! I can't freaking wait for corrine to be on paradise. Forget everything else. That will be where its at!

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  3. Shark Girl for president, obviously! *Spoiler* I was so sad to see her go home! She is a hoot. Anyway, I was surprised nothing was said about the Voodoo doll Corinne had made. Let's go! I see you have a little doll now. Cool beans.
    I mean, what?

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