Jun 7, 2018

Gathering Granola

Hello Everyone! 
This week I ate an acai smoothie bowl, so I'll be changing this to a fitness and health blog soon.
In the meantime, while I'm gathering granola, which is actually what the new blog will be called, let's just do a quick recap of this week's "Bachelorette." 

The show starts with Becca (looking a little shaky) on a bike, riding through town.
In the meantime the guys did the traditional, stand on the balcony and scream the woman's name bit. 
Is it because she can hear them from her house? 
Are they really into getting noise violations? 
Are the locked out on the balcony and need to be let in? 

The group date was first. 
The men thought they were being treated to tuxes and shoes and champagne. 
It is revealed that Lincoln is built like a brick house, which made him calling Becca a beautiful princess a little less creepy...but only by a little. 

Becca was all of us when she didn't know what to do with a room of shirtless men. 
My glasses would have fogged up and I would have passed out, but she managed to stay fully coherent. 

The model made sure to let everyone know that if it was a date where they had to well...model he was going to win. 
Because, you know as far as being in clothes and being comfortable goes, no one was going to beat him. 

He told Becca the secret to being a model was to put your confidence on first.  

You know who's a model and doesn't give you douche chills...

Speaking of the person who broke my heart, Rachel was outside with Bryan waiting for the guys to participate in an obstacle course for Becca's heart. 

I remember you and will never forgive you. 

Rachel told them that for part of the course they weren't allowed to use their hands but were supposed to show "what that mouth do." 
Hilarious, Rachel. Thank you...for your edgy comedy. 

Will.Never. Forgive.You.

Lincoln after cheating during the ice bath, poses with Becca as if they're a married couple, but if the groom had a series of misfortune getting to the altar, but at the end of the day made it because, love. 

Lincoln takes the picture to the after party and places it prominently on the table for all the dudes to witness. 
He then steals Becca first which makes everyone even angrier. 
After kissing her, he stated that it was like, "flying to the moon on the wings of a pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold." 
Logistically I don't know how that would work, but hey, good for him. 

Lincoln continued to brag about the picture and Connor just couldn't take it anymore. 
He took it and flung it into the pool, breaking glass, and making Lincoln feel threatened and sad. 

He wanted to show that picture to his mom. 
Now he couldn't. 

Seeming to care very little for the drama, Becca said she had to think about everything, and let Connor know she wasn't happy. 

Meanwhile Jean Blanc out of nowhere, slid in and made quite the impression on ya girl, I mean Becca. 

The model tried to sell people on Lincoln and others having ingenuinity throughout the episode. 
I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough. 
He either doesn't know he's an idiot or he's trying to play dumb. 
I can't figure it out but I'm annoyed either way. 

Jean Blanc is now in my top three along with Clay and Blake.
Blake got the 1:1 date. 
He has a very Nathan Scott from "One Tree Hill" vibe, and I'm 1000% here for it. 

They pull up to an abandoned warehouse where Chris Harrison is standing with a sledge hammer. 
That either meant he's finally had enough with this damn journey, or Blake and Becca were going to f some s up. 

Walking into the warehouse, there was a ton of stuff that related back to Becca's relationship with Arie. 
He's still getting a lot of run time for someone I've intentionally told via twitter, I no longer want to see on my television. 

Chris told the two crazy kids, that they would be destroying everything that was left of Becca's last relationship. Including the couch that he broke up with her on. 
Also, Lil' Jon was there. 

Destroying Arie's things and Lil' Jon made this the best date, I didn't go on. 

During the dinner date Blake told Becca is break up story, and they continued to get along really well. 

Becca seems really into him so fingers crossed he sticks around. 
If the extensive make out sesh is any indication, it looks like he will. 

The final group date was a dodgeball game which I feel like we've seen quite a bit. 
It was fine. 
Later at the after party, Colton said he was nervous because he had something to tell Becca. 
Normally that means you have a kid, you're a virgin, you've been to jail, you have a tail, you were married before, you have a sibling who's really into renaissance festivals,  etc. etc. 
So, whatever, I was prepared. 

This man, who baited me with his senior dog: 

told Becca that he had recently been in a relationship with Tia, her friend, from the previous season. 
Who is also best friends with Raven. 
In January...around the time that the show was premiering with both of them on it...
He said the timing wasn't right then...but he felt like it was right with Becca now. 
How convenient for him.

 She told him that it was a tricky situation and she wasn't sure what she was going to do. 
She needed time to think. 
Colton was nervous about what that meant for him and whether or not he would get a rose. 

At the cocktail party that night she hung out with a bunch of dudes. 

Clay, the nerdy football player, is who I want to marry. 
So if she doesn't pick him...you know...I'll just tweet him a bunch I guess. 

He just seems so kind. 

Connor tried to make up for his rude behavior, and asked Becca to throw a picture of him into the pool to symbolize him being different than the aggressive jerk from the group date. 

Precious moments. 

Then for some reason the model took his clothes off and went to talk to Becca. 
I'm sure there was a reason but his dumbness really started to cause a rage black out in me, and I don't remember what else he said. 

He didn't put clothes back on for the rest of the night and stood at the rose ceremony wrapped in a blanket like a little kid who just got out of the pool. 

He got a rose, because of course he did. 
She talked to Colton more about his relationship with Tia, and she said that in the back of her mind she was just always going to think about him dating her friend. She still didn't know what she was going to do.
Colton said he understood, and then told her to have a good night and stay warm. 
It was very strange. 
At the end of the night he ended up getting the rose.
Next week Tia shows up for the group date that Colton is on so it's about to get funky. 

I don't know about you but these guys seem mostly like duds. 
What do you think? Who's your revised top favorites this week? 
Anything I forgot? 
Let me know, below! 


  1. I looooooove Blake but given my history of my faovrites being the one that the lead crushes (Arie/Becca, Rachel/Peter, Nick/Raven), I don't have high hopes for him. Love your recaps, as always!

  2. I was all into Colton until he dropped that bomb. Now I think my fav is Blake. And I literally can’t remeber anyone else’s name.

  3. The banjoist (Ryan?) needs more air time!!!