Is This Thing On?
The Ghost of Bloggers Past.
I'm dusting off the ole hyperlink to talk about the Bachelorette.
I haven't watched a full episode since 2018 or 2019 because I just couldn't get into it.
I love messy drama but once you read a spoiler that a guy named Jed wins over a hunk like Tyler C, you've gotta take a break.
Did I lurk on the internet and still see what was going on in Bachelor Nation?
Of course. I'm a human with a heart beat.
It just was a bummer watching the stars of the show say they had waited their whole life to find love, and then when their age popped up as 22, it was enough to make this couch troll yell,
"YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS COMING YOUR WAY BABY GIRL!"
I think it's pretty clear based on that imagery that quarantine has been going very well for me.
Honestly finding your #1 boo for life is a struggle for people at any age, but the seasons where the contestants had a little extra history, a little more baggage, those were really, *Chef's Kiss*.
When the announcement was made that Clare Crowley was going to be the Bachelorette this season I was kinda excited.
She was older, didn't settle, and seemed to just be living her life.
When the season started and all the hot goss about everything happening at the La Quinta Inn started to leak, I thought it might be time to come out of Bachelor retirement.
I tried to watch the first episode and got through half of the introductions.
She was really leaning in to the "I've just bought a run down villa that's full of character in Tuscany " vibe...
The cheesiness of it all really made me cringe.
It's my fault. I didn't stretch first.
Then I was talking to my friend from work and she said, "Listen, if you're ever going to get back into blogging about the Bachelorette, it's now."
So I dove in to episode three.
It started with Yosef (who I know about from Tiktok, my #1 source for news) telling Clare that he was a father spending time away from his daughter which was hard.
Clare said, I know the feeling my mom is dying.
We are no longer in Cheesetown.
Yosef told Clare that he was appalled by her behavior and that she could never be a mother to his child.
He also kept saying he expected more from the "oldest bachelorette ever."
Clare is 39, she's not the witch that curses the prince in "Beauty and the Beast."
It took about 20 minutes for him to get bounced from the Holiday Inn Express and the other guys seemed to have no problem escorting him out.
It was pretty gross how Yosef talked to Clare.
Everyone seemed to think so.
However, there was one guy who seemed to get all the credit for being concerned....
This was the first time I had been introduced to Dale.
We can all agree he looks like a vampire trying to fit in at a high school right?
He said these things to Clare:
"I got you."
"I'm here for you."
"I got you."
"I got this."
And Clare said,
"Omg, Dale is just like meant for me. Like did you guys see how he just scooped in and saved me?"
She couldn't stop talking about him. I'm honestly surprised she knew any of the guys names while at the rose ceremony.
The next day when she was talking to her friend DeAnna Pappas stopped by.
Clare mentioned that she had been writing Dale+Clare in her diary.
That was not a joke.
She has a diary.
She told DeAnna that she felt like she had met her fiancé and that she just knew.
She told DeAnna that Dale checked the boxes she didn't even know were boxes.
Clare, sweetie, baby, honey, you have been at this Motel 6 for 3 business days.
How are we sure about which boxes have or have not been checked?
Unless...well...you've known him longer...
She also said that she received Dale's ripped pants as a gift and that she loves them because they smell like him...
If I was DeAnna, I'd have looked directly into Chris Harrison's face and said,
"I'm getting COVID tested for this conversation? Seriously, Harrison? For pants sniffing? In this political climate?"
As Clare lists all the kids names she has picked out for her and Dales children and claims this is going to be the shortest season ever, the other guys in the house are talking about how they're positive that Clare really likes them and know that they have an equal shot.
Chris Harrison came in to tell the men are informed that everyone is getting a date that week, with a group date being first.
After waiting around the house, they find out that Clare cancelled the day part of the date and are only going to have a cocktail party that evening.
Dale is on the date, and makes a grand speech about how he wants to make sure that everyone has equal time, he's just going to grab Clare for the first 5 minutes.
Clare and Dale proceed to go to her house, and make out for 45 minutes.
When they're finally interrupted Dale is like,
"Deepest and most sincere apologies guys. Truly my bad."
He's so sorry in fact that he "accidently" wanders into another guy's time and asks to steal Clare again. He said that he got lost coming back from the bathroom.
Obviously everyone is livid.
Dale gets the group date rose, because...well duh.
The 1:1 date is with Zach J. I have no idea who this man is, because he's not Dale.
He's got some real nervous energy.
And you know what someone with nervous energy likes to do?
A date where you're forced to relax.
Clare is clearly disgusted with everything about him and makes several comments about how much she wishes Dale were on the date.
Then things get incredibly weird.
They are hanging out at the Hyatt pool, and it looks like they are about to kiss, and all of a sudden, Clare stops and tries to leave the pool.
Zach grabs her and doesn't let her go.
An uncomfortable and awkward silence happens and Clare leaves.
Zach doesn't know what's happened and Clare sits on the floor with her dogs. She tells the camera that she's triggered by him and that she doesn't need to explore why.
Zach is found later sitting at a dinner table. Chris Harrison comes and tells him Clare isn't coming and that it's time for him to go.
His suitcase is taken from the house and the guys seem neutral about him leaving.
The last date of the week is up next, and it's a roast with Margaret Cho.
Clare says she loves to laugh and joke. She allegedly LOVES jokes, and thinks important for men to be bold and funny, and be able to just constantly lol at themselves.
She informs the guys that they will be roasting each other and to a live audience.
The live audience ends up being the guys in the house, which you guessed it, includes Dale.
The guys see this as an opportunity to really go in on him.
Bennett, a man who looks like he can slice a block of cheese with his cheek bones, unrolls a scroll with several sick burns about Dale.
Remember when Clare said that she loves jokes, and joking, and laughing?
Yeah, she likes them except for right now and when it's about Dale. She hated it so much that in her time with all the men at the cocktail party she asks them why their jokes were directly at him.
It was also in the most obvious, cringeworthy, way.
"Oh so you really went in on Dale. What did you meannnn when you said that he's like best suited for me? Likkkke did he say it? Did he say he liked me or he LIKED LIKED me? Isn't joking fun?"
The guys were visibly annoyed and tried their hardest to say they weren't really thinking too much about him but wanted to get to know HER more and stop talking about another guy.
Clare, ever the jokester, said that she was upset that people were hating on love. How dare they joke about her relationship and connection. Clare even tells a producer that she can't get behind people making fun of her fiancé. She's just not cool with that.
Her whom? Her fiancé?
A man, who I can only refer to as the Boyband Manager, asks the guys if he thinks this is getting weird? He even mentions if they should just walk out...
Could you imagine the choreography of that walk out if he was in charge?
Clare ends up giving HERSELF the group date rose, because she didn't get what she needed from any of the guys.
She then gives a speech to herself, talking about how wonderful she is and how much SHE deserved it.
Things are going super great at the Hampton Inn.
Next week looks real juicy.
Chris Harrison seems to give the disappointed dad talk and to be frank, I am shaking in my boots.
Besides my own parents, I don't know who else I don't want to be disappointed in me more than Chris Harrison.
I'm excited to see what happens and to see what Tayshia brings!
What are your thoughts so far?
Is Clare getting a bad edit? Did she know Dale before? On a scale of 1-10 how pumped are you for Tayshia?